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Video: About Men-owners, Or Where The Legs Of Male Jealousy Grow From - Relations
Male owners - they check correspondence, put trackers on the phone, control the style of clothing, comment on behavior, educate, manipulate, use physical force and even kill. What is the reason for male jealousy - in a desperate unwillingness to lose a loved one or in self-doubt and fear of humiliation?
See also: Male jealousy is the lot of weaklings?
It is completely normal to feel jealous (like any other feeling). We are in a relationship with a loved one, we open up to him in our vulnerability, we trust him with all the most intimate. And if something threatens this, of course, we will not experience the most pleasant emotions. Jealousy, first of all, suggests that we are in fusion with the figure of a jealous person, that we have appropriated him in our imagination, we perceive him as a part of ourselves. If we are reciprocated, it's incredibly nice. There is nothing wrong with the very desire for such a merger, as long as we remember that next to us is a separate person, with his desires and will. And we respect that.
When can jealousy appear?
1. An opaque relationship in a couple is a fertile ground for the emergence of this feeling. For example, a partner sharply suppresses any questions about where she spends her free time and with whom she communicates, while there is no evidence of infidelity. She may be clearly upset, offended, or agitated and cheerful for no apparent reason, but it is not customary to discuss this in a couple. A man is worried, he does not understand the woman's behavior, but he does not want to clarify the situation or does not dare, and this can cause restless thoughts and jealousy. Such jealousy can only be eliminated by establishing more transparent communication in a couple.
2. Problematic behavior. Male jealousy is perfectly normal if a partner is cheating, openly accepting courtship, emphatically admiring another man, noting that her partner, unfortunately, is not so good, etc.
3. Distorted, inadequate perception. The cause of toxic jealousy is not real circumstances, not the behavior of the partner and not the opaque communication in the couple. Such jealousy arises due to psychological trauma, personality disorders, stereotypical, inert thinking. In this case, long-term individual psychotherapy and even the help of a psychiatrist can be useful, during which significant relief can be achieved.
Why does jealousy arise?
1. Fear of loss
Oleg met Valentina at a conference. She was giving a scientific report, and he could not take his eyes off this smart and charming girl. In the evening at the banquet, they got to talking, they turned out to have a similar sense of humor and many common hobbies. A relationship began, the couple spent a lot of time together, but Valentina often had to travel for work. Despite the fact that everything was fine, Oleg was haunted by memories of how friendly and openly his girlfriend spoke with everything at that conference, how easily he was able to get to know her and how quickly their relationship began. During her departures, he suffered from jealousy, imagining that some handsome and wealthy businessman was captivating Valentina. Oleg's mood often began to deteriorate, he turned into a suspicious and gloomy person.
Such a jealous person is very afraid that someone else will take his place. That now the other will have access to what is very important and valuable to him. He is constantly anxious, worried and on the lookout for the slightest sign of danger. If anxiety becomes stronger than fear of loss, the man begins to bully his partner, demanding proof of loyalty. In response to this, she may withdraw, and her feelings will begin to cool, which will increase his anxiety even more. If the fear of loss is stronger than anxiety, the man will hide his jealousy, continuing to secretly suspect and control, until the anxiety overwhelms him and breaks out. Such jealous people most often become "quiet tyrants", tormenting both themselves and their partner psychologically.
2. Fear of humiliation
Natalia and Anton have been together for several years. The first time Anton exploded after a get-together with friends. During the general discussion, a political dispute flared up, and Natalya joined her opponents. She vehemently supported the point of view of their mutual acquaintance, who clearly defeated Anton in an argument. When the evening was over, Anton reprimanded his friend for several hours that she had humiliated him in front of everyone. He even suggested that something connects Natalya with that acquaintance, she cannot seriously support such a narrow-minded person. They almost broke up after that incident, but were able to maintain a relationship. Later, Anton reacted very sharply to any informal conversation Natalia with those whom he considered less intelligent or worthy than him.
Such a jealous person is not at all afraid of losing a partner; on the contrary, he is ready to break off relations at the slightest suspicion of infidelity. He is disgusted with the very thought that his loved one can betray or substitute him, preferring him to someone else. Especially if this other seems to him less worthy. He is furious at the idea of the winner taunting him, and disgust at the partner who put him in this position. Jealousy itself seems humiliating to him, because by experiencing it, he seems to recognize the likelihood of such a development of events, which means that he has already lost. In this case, the jealous's self-esteem is under attack and, in order not to collapse, he is forced to inflate it. The more a man feels vulnerability, the more energetically he will fuel his anger and the confidence that everyone owes him, and he does not owe anything. Such a jealous person can be very cruel, resorting to both psychological and physical violence.
In essence, male jealousy is not much different from female jealousy. The main difference lies in the manifestations of this complex feeling. For men, society prescribes a more dominant role in relationships, resolving issues by force is more socially approved, and aggressive behavior is not condemned and even justified.
A certain code of the "real man" regulates not only how one should behave, but also what one should feel in certain situations. A jealous man is more likely to see the cause of his worries in others, and not in himself, to react faster and sharper to what seems to him to be a violation of his interests and not to agree to compromises.