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Video: “My Husband Is Against Psychology. How To Be? " - Self-development, Society
A frequent occurrence in our society - men do not like the word "psychologist" and everything associated with it. For them it is like a red rag for a bull. The most common reason is that the type of magical thinking is well preserved in our society.
It is inherent in children when they fantasize that everything that happens around them depends on their behavior and desires. Growing up, a person continues to behave in a similar way: either he adjusts himself in every possible way to those around him, demonstrating the model of “good”, or gives advice to the right and left, noticing what others are not doing, but not paying attention to himself and his actions. And then he is surprised when others do not respond to his advice, while they may also get angry that he is not meddling in his own business.
I can't see the log in my eye
It is a common story that the initial request of a client is directed towards managing someone, be it a husband, a boss, a friend. It sounds something like this: I have relationship problems with …
Further, in response to the question of what he wants as a result, it sounds: I want him to …
And retraining, turning your desires onto yourself is not an easy task in work. But the most important thing is that people themselves do not notice this. Only when you tell them about it and repeat what they say, they get surprised eyes and the question: how to paraphrase “so he” to “me”?
This is how it turns out in life, a person goes to a psychologist or to courses, he looks at Youtube with the desire “to have him”. And after all, they often find such psychologists and such courses that work on the principle of Mavrodi's Pyramid “I'll buy my wife boots”. And after working out, such a lady brings a storehouse of knowledge home, to her beloved. The fact that at some point relatives begin to growl in response to wisdom is not so bad. The trouble is that a woman does not become happier from all this: neither affirmations help, nor feng shui. Somehow, things are not going well.
I do psychology to help my family
Once I heard: "I am engaged in psychology to help a man, relatives." When I happily repeated this phrase, there was bewilderment and indignation in my eyes opposite: "Did I say that?" Yes, and this is a common cause of relationship breakdown. A person is looking for answers not in order to help himself and save himself, he is trying to save others. This is his goal in life, because only in this way he feels important, necessary and significant. And without these sensations, life slides into an abyss, enveloping a person with meaninglessness, emptiness and depression. But women not only get tired of the eternal salvation of others, but also fall into the circle "I try, but they do not change."
To get out of this circle, it is important:
- reduce your expectations from others;
- take responsibility for the lives of other adults;
- take off the obligation to be close to a person if you feel bad in a relationship and you have become different over the years;
- relinquish responsibility to be “good for everyone”;
- take responsibility for your life and your actions.
Here's an example. When you seek help from your husband or another person, you do not have to be offended by the refusal. You can do it yourself or ask someone else. You do not need to think that your husband will be offended because you did not wait. If you stop dating your husband, this is also his choice. But you don't have to betray yourself. You can take care of yourself. There is nothing to be ashamed about. He takes good care of himself if someone refuses to help you. It is foolish to sit, wait and get angry, it is foolish to try to remake someone, it is foolish to waste your life in revenge.
If someone offers you a fantastic opportunity to change your husband - watch the MMM ad and remember the story. If you want your husband to take up psychology, so that all problems disappear, and he becomes understanding and sensitive, believe me - this is an illusion. Even couples, where both are psychologists, have problems, quarrels and divorces. Don't look for easy ways. Look for your desires through the realization of them with your capabilities. People will be drawn to you. Read the story of Jennifer Lopez. Create your own principles of life and start following them so that no newfangled trends will lead you astray.