Be Perfect Or Be Yourself - What Is Your Choice? - Self-development

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-11-27 12:13

Do you strive to match the ideal image and avoid mistakes? Do you have a tendency to regret having done something wrong, criticize yourself, and feel inferior? This is how the evaluative attitude towards oneself manifests itself, which gives a lot of unpleasant experiences and brings many difficulties in life. After all, trying to be perfect in all respects and meet all the expectations of other people is very difficult, it creates a lot of internal tension. In addition, striving for perfection is unattainable, and a person has a constant feeling of his own inferiority and unworthiness. And this with renewed vigor creates a desire to improve oneself and earn approval - a vicious circle of suffering starts. Even if there is a feeling that "I am a fine fellow", it is usually very short-lived and is replaced by another failure in self-flagellation.

With this attitude, a person feels himself at the mercy of others. He feels a great need for approval. A person is constantly concerned with what to do to earn praise and recognition. And then he practically does not pay attention to his own needs, does not understand what he wants for himself, because the most important thing for him is how others will evaluate him. A huge amount of energy is spent on pretending that he is flawless, or on proving his "superiority" over other people in order to compensate for the inner feeling of his inferiority.

These negative feelings are amplified by comparing yourself to others in different ways, because there is always someone who is better at something. This again reveals dependence on evaluations and an orientation towards external factors and attributes, rather than an internal sense of self-worth.

An evaluative approach to oneself usually manifests itself in relations with other people: high exactingness and criticality is often replaced by idealization of a partner, and then another devaluation. And it is not surprising that such an unstable attitude towards oneself attracts partners who tend to assert themselves at the expense of others.

Often such people cannot make a choice and are constantly in doubt. This happens for several reasons:

• they do not know what they want for themselves, and not in order to gain approval;
• they persistently try to figure out how to do everything right, because they will scold themselves for any mistake, and it is almost impossible to foresee everything in advance;
• they are looking for clues and advice from other people, the media, social networks and any other authorities in which they believe, as there is not enough self-reliance.

As a result, a person does not allow himself to go his own way and realize his own desires, he feels constant dissatisfaction.

Approval addiction is fairly common and, as usual, has its roots in childhood. The reasons for its formation can be different, for example:

• parents constantly evaluated the child depending on his successes and failures;
• compared him to others;
• did not show respect for the child as a person;
• devalued his feelings and desires;
• did not give the child the feeling that he is loved and valuable the way he is.

As a result, a person grows up and continues to treat himself the same way.

What alternative is there for such an exhausting attitude towards yourself? Instead of endlessly striving for excellence, you can begin to regain a sense of your worth without being tied to your accomplishments or what other people think of you. At the same time, a person allows himself to be himself, without comparing himself with others. And instead of self-accusations, he takes responsibility for his actions and for his life. With this approach, a person feels his own significance, without demanding ideality from himself and from other people. This makes it possible to live your life, satisfy your real needs, build harmonious relationships and feel satisfied with yourself and your life in general.