Tell Me Who Your Friends Are And I Will Tell You How You Will Be In A Year - Quality Of Life, Society

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 20:18

Each person is a product of his environment. In what environment (urban, informational, cultural) we live, with whom and on what topics we communicate - all this influences the formation of our personality, determines our life choices and habits.

Socialization works quietly

We do not choose the family we were born into. We do not choose the kindergarten and the school in which we had to study (accordingly, we do not choose teachers and classmates). In childhood, we also do not choose our neighbors and any other "sons of my mother's friend" with whom we have to communicate. In adulthood, we seem to have opportunities to choose our social environment, but in fact, they are very limited.

Cyril Parkinson, journalist, philosopher and sociologist, author of the book "Parkinson's Laws", has calculated that a woman's marriage choice in the 20th century is limited to about 4-6 candidates. And, as a rule, these are men from her immediate environment: neighbors, classmates / classmates, work colleagues. Of course, this is better than in the Middle Ages, when there was no choice at all. The contract for the future wedding was concluded by the parents when the bride and groom were still children. To be fair, let's say that in the 21st century the situation is changing rapidly due to the fact that there is an opportunity to find your “betrothed” through the Internet - the choice there is limitless. Nevertheless, the influence of the environment, which is expressed in the desire to link fate with a “person of his own circle” from a close and understandable social environment, remains very strong.

How the environment affects

The fact that the immediate social environment influences us has long been known. But how exactly ?! The first serious studies on this topic appeared only at the end of the 20th century. For example, students of Martin Seligman (one of the founding fathers of positive psychology) in the 1980s conducted a large-scale study of habits that affect healthy lifestyle. The study used questions not only about what healthy / bad habits the person adheres to, but also those close to him: family members, close friends, work colleagues.

It turned out that there is a direct connection between the following bad habits in the person himself and at least 2-4 people from his close environment: smoking, alcohol abuse, a sedentary lifestyle (and overweight).

A "mirror" tendency was also revealed: if in the immediate environment of a person there are at least 2-3 people "in sports" and have good health indicators, then his indicators on average will be the same.

But the most curious tendency was revealed when in the immediate environment of a person there are approximately equal number of people with harmful or healthy habits. It turned out that the frequency and duration of direct communication with these people is of decisive importance here. If we communicate more and more with the "zozhniki", then we are more likely to lead an active and healthy lifestyle ourselves.

What are the patterns

Such patterns are usually explained by two reasons: unconscious imitation and adherence to the usual social norms and values. It is just natural for a person to act "like everyone else" and explain his actions to himself and to others by saying that "this is normal" and "this is so accepted, so right." It is important not to forget to add “in our circle”.

What's funny is that modern “gurus of successful success” transfer this model to financial well-being, gaining personal happiness, and achieving professional heights. Say, if you spend a lot of time every day with 3-4 millionaires, then you yourself will soon become a millionaire. This is rather doubtful, because unlike the visual harmful / healthy healthy lifestyle habits that are easy to imitate, financial well-being can be based on implicit (implicit, hidden) knowledge and skills. And how many "ordinary people" do you know (say, from the service personnel) who spent many hours every day with millionaires, as a result of which they themselves became millionaires ?!

Therefore, the belief that "the environment decides" is generally true, but has its limitations. It is important not only to surround yourself with the “right people” and break off relations with the “wrong” or at least communicate less often, but also purposefully communicate with them.

Imitation is an overly primitive method that is not very effective for mastering complex skills / abilities

Need to:

• to ask questions;
• actively participate in joint activities;
• ask for advice, help and honest feedback;
• prove and show that you and your “right” environment have common values and outlook on life.

And for this you need not just sit and wait for the new social environment to magically change you, but start changing in the right direction yourself. This is not an easy task, but if it is successfully solved, you will build for yourself a real "social elevator" that will help you significantly improve the quality of life.