Table of contents:
- How often women's illusions are shattered by the unwillingness of men to burden themselves with obligations. Everyone faces this, but some of the fair sex have never been lucky to be in a relationship with someone responsible and serious. Why is this happening and what to do about it?
- Reasons for "bachelorhood"
- What to do about it?
Video: How Men Turn Into Old Bachelors. Does It Make Sense To Build Relationships With Them - Relations
How often women's illusions are shattered by the unwillingness of men to burden themselves with obligations. Everyone faces this, but some of the fair sex have never been lucky to be in a relationship with someone responsible and serious. Why is this happening and what to do about it?
Consider the most common reasons why a man remains a hardened bachelor until old age.
Reasons for "bachelorhood"
He's just not ready to dwell on one woman. As long as he does not have sufficient experience in a serious relationship, or if he does not fully understand that his actions will inevitably have consequences such as hurting his partner, he may believe that sexual adventures are normal. In this case, the man can be observed and other "shoals": he may have a constant problem with alcohol and / or drugs that influence decision-making, which leads to unfortunate consequences. Or maybe he has a problem like sex addiction.
He may feel that he is too old (or too young), not handsome enough, not rich enough, not smart enough, etc. To support his weakened ego, he seeks approval from women who are not his half, using this fleeting spark of interest to feel welcome and worthy.
Lack of social support from men
He may have underestimated his need for support and companionship with other men, expecting his social and emotional needs to be fully met by his significant other. And when she inevitably fails to cope with this duty, he looks for an outlet in the arms of another.
He may reproduce or latently respond to unresolved childhood trauma: neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, etc. In such cases, his childhood wounds have created barriers to attachment and intimacy that make him unable or unwilling to devote himself entirely to one person.
Perhaps he primarily cares about himself and only himself. Therefore, he will lie and hypocrite without remorse or regret, promising to one day make a marriage proposal. Perhaps he never intended to be monogamous. Instead of seeing his vow of monogamy as a sacrifice for his relationship, he sees it as optional.
He may believe that his partner should satisfy all his whims and desires, sexual and others, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, regardless of how she feels at the moment. He does not understand that she has a life of her own with thoughts, feelings and needs that do not always affect him. When his expectations are not met, the relationship ends.
He can deceive and abandon women one by one in order to get revenge. He is generally angry with women.
In fact, this question is a reason for individual psychotherapy and it is impossible to give a universal answer to it. However, one thing is certain: it's not about you. However, if you are trying to create relationships with such candidates over and over again, then this is an occasion to think about how you attract them. The most common reasons for what is happening are the following:
- You are looking for your own father in men of a similar type, who possessed the same character traits.
- You yourself, deep in your soul or even obviously, are infantile and immature, and like, as you know, attracts like.
- In fact, you are not ready for a serious relationship and unsuccessful affairs with infantile men are just a subconscious way to avoid a strong union for life with all the ensuing obligations.
- You are somehow comfortable for such men. Perhaps you already at the initial stage of communication make it clear that you will not burden the man with unbearable demands.
What to do about it?
First of all, recognize that you yourself are the filter of your environment, especially when it comes to your significant other. You voluntarily enter into relationships with the wrong men and it is in your power to change the situation. No matter what the reason is, if you find and eliminate those welcome signals that attract frivolous men to you, the situation will begin to change. You need to be careful with any candidate and try to bring him to clean water before making further plans.
I advise you to clearly define boundaries already at the stage of the first romantic hints. Find a way to immediately relieve a potential partner of the illusion that you can be played, forgetting about the sense of responsibility and the need to truly invest in the relationship. This does not mean that you need to demand something from a man ahead of time or tell him about your far-reaching plans, because any, not only unprepared for marriage, men are scared. But at the same time, it is important to say that you intend to arrange your personal life and start a family and do not tolerate disrespect, it does not matter with him or with someone else. Describing your negative experiences and observing their reactions will give you important clues. And most importantly - take your time! Study the person who claims your heart in as much detail as possible and only when you are surethat he is positively different from those who were with you before him, let him come closer.
Dear women! Each of us wants family happiness, and on the way to creating it, we often encounter pain and resentment, and parting afterwards can be very difficult to endure. Whatever happens, take it as an invaluable experience that made you stronger and wiser. Starting a new life with this experience is your main task. Get rid of illusions, but do not become cynical. Do not lose faith in love and you will definitely find family happiness!