Three Original Toxic Duties. REPK A. Ellis - Self-development

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-11-27 12:13

“Three first-born debts” - this is how I decided to translate The Three Majors Musts, the title of the text about the three main irrational beliefs that people wear to themselves, their lives and those around them. This wonderful text is posted on the REBT Network - a portal dedicated to rational-emotional-behavioral counseling (REMC) and A. Ellis

Several decades of research and work with people allowed A. Ellis to reduce the initial dozen of basic irrational beliefs to only three, of which all other human nonsense and absurdities grow - from the mundane to the global political. Since A. Ellis was a great lover of irony and humor, moreover, “salty”, he often used the term musturbation (mustonism) to denote the ability of people to invent ridiculous versions of what they owe themselves, what others owe them and what the world owes them - and how bad everything is when shouldnonism does not work. Therefore, it seemed to me that the most authentic translation of the English plural noun musts would be "must trahi" (one must, respectively, is must trahi). Majors in this context mean "original", "older",therefore, again, the most accurate adjective will be “firstborn”, especially since they are real human “sins” (flaws, mistakes, delusions).

Here are three options for the wording of the duty insurance. The first is cited in The Three Majors Musts (see below for a complete translation with the addition of a list of exposures and consequences for each item):

1. I have to succeed and get the approval of others, or else I am worthless (useless) person.
2. Other people must do the “right thing” or else they are unworthy (useless) and deserve to be punished.
3. Life should be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience.

The second option is taken from the book "Psycho-training by A. Ellis" (p. 74):

… There are three basic commandments that create emotional problems:

1. I have to do it well and / or get the approval of the people who are important to me, otherwise I am just a worthless person.
2. You must treat me attentively and fairly, you have no right to disappoint or disappoint me, otherwise you are a bad person.
3. I must be provided with those things and those living conditions that I want to have, I must be protected from all troubles, otherwise life becomes unbearable, and I can never be happy.

The shortest version is taken from a report on a discussion with the participation of A. Ellis and A. Beck - two founding fathers of the cognitive approach to counseling:

1. I must do well (I must do (everything) well).
2. You must treat me well (you must treat me (always) well).
3. The world must be easy (The world must be easy (for life)).

We all express ourselves in different ways, but those irrational beliefs that upset us can be categorized under three main headings. Each of these core beliefs contains an absolutist must or demand. These three main trades can be summarized as follows:

I. I must succeed and get the approval of others, or else I am unworthy (useless) person

• A. Summary

  1. Inflexibility
  2. Builds unrealistic expectations about himself
  3. Being overly concerned with what others think of yourself
  4. Self-esteem is measured by achievement and popularity
  5. Non-self-acceptance

• B. Commitments

  1. I must receive love and approval from everyone.

     1. I need someone who loves me.
     2. I must not do anything to make others think worse of me.

  2. I must be competent and successful.

     I must have an important skill or talent

  3. I must successfully avoid unpleasant or unwanted situations.

     1. Unpleasant and unwanted situations upset me.

        I cannot control my emotions in difficult situations

  4. I must avoid dangerous or life-threatening situations.

     If I really face such situations, I have to worry about them in order to get them to pass (me)

  5. I have to think, feel and act in the same way as I have always done.

     My past influences me so much that I cannot change

  6. I have to find order, confidence and predictability in life.

     If I don’t find these things, I cannot feel comfortable or act competently

  7. I have to depend on other people, because I cannot depend on myself.

     I have to rely on superstition and religion, especially in difficult times

  8. I must understand the secrets of the universe.

     I cannot be happy if I do not understand the nature and secrets of the universe

  9. I have to rate myself as either "good" and "worthy" or "bad" and "worthless."

     1. To be “good” and “worthy,” I must be competent, successful, and popular.
     2. If I am not competent, successful or popular, then I am "bad" and "worthless."
  10. I must never feel depressed, worried, or angry.

• C. Emotional Consequences

  1. Depression (discouragement)
  2. Anxiety and / or panic
  3. Self-deprecation

• D. Behavioral Consequences

  1. Avoiding risk
  2. Shyness
  3. Procrastination (procrastination)
  4. Non-assertiveness (uncertainty)
  5. Workaholism

II. Other people must do the "right thing" or else they are unworthy (useless) and deserve to be punished

• A. Summary
• 1. Inflexible and unrealistic.
  2. Assumes superiority over others.
  3. Assumes a clear distinction between right and wrong.
  4. Assumes its ability to infallibly distinguish between right and wrong.
  5. Places himself at the center of the universe in which others cater to his needs and desires.
  6. Leads to conflict with those who also see themselves as the center of the universe.
  7. Rejection of human fallibility.

• B. Commitments

  1. Everyone should treat everyone else (especially me) in a fair and considerate manner.

     1. If they act unlawfully or inattentively, they are worthless (unusable, useless).

     2. If they act illegally or inattentively, they deserve to be punished.

        Society or the universe must ensure that they receive the punishment they deserve

  2. Other people should not act incompetently or unreasonably.

     1. If they act incompetently or unreasonably, they are worthless idiots.
     2. If they are acting incompetently or unreasonably, they should be ashamed of themselves.
     3. If they are acting incompetently or unreasonably, then they should not expect anything good in life.

  3. Talented people must use their talent.

     1. Everyone must reach their potential.
     2. People who do not match their potential are of little or no value as human beings.

  4. Other people should not criticize me.

     If they criticize me unfairly, they are useless and deserve nothing good in their lives

• C. Emotional Consequences

  1. Anger, rabies, or rage.
  2. Intolerance, irritability.
  3. Resentment.
  4. Resentment (resentment, indignation).

• D. Behavioral Consequences

  1. Aggression and violence
  2. Fanaticism and intolerance
  3. Intimidation
  4. Nagging

III. Life should be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience

• A. Summary
• 1. Inflexible and unrealistic.
  2. Overestimates his right to a troubled life.
  3. Underestimates the ability to cope with adversity (nuisance).
  4. Rejection of the vicissitudes of life.

• B. Commitments

  1. Everything should happen according to my desires.

     1. I need what I want.

        It's terrible if I don't get what I want

  2. I have to constantly worry about the predicaments of life.

     1. I have to control, avoid or change the predicaments of life.

     2. I have to force myself to get upset about the predicaments of life.

        Self-distraction (when I make myself upset) gives me the power to control, avoid, or change life's predicaments

  3. I have to avoid life's hardships and responsibilities (responsibilities), not face and deal with them.

     1. I must not be worried or inconvenienced.
     2. I cannot discipline myself.
     3. I cannot bear in the present the pain that is necessary for future gain.

  4. Changing things that I don't like should be easy.

     1. Difficulties should not exist.

     2. I am powerless to change my circumstances.

        Any effort to change my circumstances is pointless because it is doomed to fail

  5. Justice, fairness, equality, democracy and other “right” values must prevail.

     I cannot stand the fact that my values are being oppressed

  6. All problems must have a perfect solution.

     1. The perfect solution to all problems must be found.

        It's terrible if a perfect solution to my (or the people I care about) problems cannot be found

  7. I must not die prematurely.

     1. I must be able to live forever.
     2. It is awful that I will die one day and no longer exist.
     3. It's awful that the people I love will one day die and no longer exist.

  8. My life should have meaning (meaning) and purpose.

     If I cannot create meaning or purpose for myself, the universe or something supernatural must leave it to me

  9. I must not experience depression (discouragement), anger, or anxiety.

     1. I shouldn't have psychological problems.

        1. I must not be admitted to a mental hospital.
        2. I can't stand being in a mental hospital.
        3. I could never have recovered if I had "gone crazy."

• C. Emotional Consequences

  1. Low frustration tolerance (poor tolerance of unpleasant situations).
  2. Self-pity.
  3. Depression (discouragement).
  4. Anxiety discomfort (anxiety due to discomfort).

• D. Behavioral Consequences

  1. Delay.
  2. Evasion.
  3. Drug and alcohol abuse.
  4. Excessive indulgence in "junk" behavior (eg, overeating).