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It is with this phrase that a young woman begins her conversation with a psychologist. Her whole day is filled with various chores: in the morning she gets her husband to work, and the children to school; then she goes to work herself; in the evening he takes his youngest son to the sports section, walks the dog, prepares food and does the housework. She works even more at home than in her main job - there are exactly 8 hours, and at home it turns out another 10-hour day. The entire household is based only on her. How do you enjoy life?
Quote from her story: “I turned into a trapped horse. I plow and plow everything, at work and at home, and I'm immensely tired. But I have to take care of them, fulfill my duties. I must be a good mother and wife, otherwise they will be lost without me! I have no strength, but I force myself to do what is necessary."
But even this woman, who “owes everything to everyone,” understands that some source is needed from which to draw strength for further labor exploits
Such a source can be positive emotions, but not any, but those that you can get "for yourself." It is pleasure and joy that comes from taking care of yourself. You just need to have at least a little opportunity to live your life … She understands all this, but she is afraid that she will “let her family down,” so she continues to force herself.
How to stop being violent and start having fun
How can one stop committing violence against oneself (forcing one to do only what is “necessary”) and start enjoying life?
Here are some guidelines:
1. The quality of caring for loved ones can be improved indefinitely. You can lie down with bones so that loved ones feel good. But how much do they really need it? Or is it just you? Very often this very “must” exists only in our head, but not in the head of our “clients”. You think that you "should" cook the best dinner in the world, while your family members do not need your extra efforts, they would be quite enough for a regular snack.
How do you know how much their "quality of service standards" differ from yours? Just ask about it! And not only ask, but also make counter offers, agree on expectations. Let you do something with a "C" (and thereby save time and effort), but it will suit your "clients", it will be better than you do it "excellent" (because you "need" it).
2. What happens if you suddenly stop performing any of your duties? What's going to happen? Why is it only you who are doing this, are other family members so helpless? What prevents you from asking them for help or delegating some of your responsibilities to them?
Even if you find a lot of good reasons and excuses for your loved ones, you will still conduct an experiment. Imagine that you are seriously ill or have gone on a business trip, and now you are simply unable to carry out your previous household duties. How will the family cope without you? What options will they offer?
3. And most importantly … If you are very overwhelmed and used to living in a "must" format, then use this skill (self-discipline) to your advantage. Just take your diary and force yourself to find at least an hour and a half every day to rest and take care of yourself.
For those who are accustomed to living in a regime of violence against themselves (for the sake of loved ones and / or because it is "necessary"), it is not easy to return the feeling of pleasure from life. Often they sincerely do not know what exactly can give them bright and positive emotions. It takes time to recover. To begin with, just plan “time for yourself”, fill it with passive rest (sleep, walk, contemplate, just sit back) and at the same time make a list of “wishes” (some ideas about what exactly can please you).
Gradually, when you gain strength and “time for yourself” becomes a habit, you can begin to translate your “wishes” into reality. This will bring back the taste of life, add positive experiences, which, in turn, will fill you with energy and restore strength. The main thing is to use these forces correctly - not only for what is "necessary", but also for the little joys of life.
