Gaslighter: Blames, Plays On Conscience And Withdraws Into Himself - Relationships, Society

Gaslighters - good guys are sometimes hard to figure out: under other circumstances, their behavior would seem pleasant. But there are more problematic manifestations of gaslighting, such as shouting, insults, harassment, playing on conscience and other types of punishment and intimidation

Read part 1: When a gaslighter is a good guy

You may have every reason to put up with unpleasant behavior: a man seems like a kindred spirit to you, and you think that he is a good father of your children, you believe that he criticizes in the case. But deep down, you understand that you do not like this attitude.

For example, Melanie Jordan's husband was a classic torturer. When Melanie couldn't find a wild salmon for dinner, Jordan yelled at her and bombarded her with hundreds of questions she couldn't answer. Later, he did not speak to her for several hours (he always reacted this way when he did not like his wife's behavior). Melanie is tired of his attacks. She tried to protect herself for a long time, although she did not stop fighting for love. I still thought Jordan's approval would prove that she was a strong, smart, and capable woman who deserved a happy life. It seemed to Melanie that the insults proved her worthlessness.

Contacted the tormentor? Check to see if you have experienced the following situations

• Does he humiliate or otherwise disrespect you when you are alone or in public?
• Does he use silence to attack, get his way, or punish you when you upset him?
• Does he lose his temper (often or sometimes)?
• Do you realize that you are afraid to be around him or even think about him?
• Do you think he is making fun of you - openly or with the words "I'm kidding"?
• Does he threaten to leave if you upset him?
• Does he provoke your worst fears? For example: “Here we go again. You are so demanding! "Or:" You are like your mother! "

The relationship with the tormentor is complicated, to put it mildly. To get them right, you have to deal with gaslighting and humiliation, which are unpleasant even when there is no manipulation. The torturer will have to change his behavior. But you also have to work on the ability to resist it. You can't give up to avoid an unpleasant conversation.

More on this: Stern Robin. Covert manipulations to control your life. STOP gaslighting. - SPb.: Peter, 2020