Dealing With A Chronic Liar. 5-Point Safety Instruction - Relations

Is there a person among your acquaintances who constantly tells lies about everyone and everything? Or maybe you caught someone on a lie once, and now you wonder why he continues to deceive over and over again? In such cases, you are obviously dealing with a pathological chronic liar

Most of us do not realize that pathological liars are often characterized by an inability to empathize with others (to try on someone else's "skin"). They do not feel guilty about their behavior and cannot control their natural urge to lie.

Few can lie without batting an eye; most of us feel guilty if we have to lie. However, people with pathological behaviors do not experience this difficulty and easily display emotions that lead others to believe their lies. And this is especially remarkable - how well many of the pathological liars are able to control their emotions. So that their deception seems to us the truth.

Pathological deception is very different from "lying for the sake of salvation" by cunning, malicious intent and sometimes vindictiveness. Some people have developed a knack for lying to others and experience no fear or regret. They are without remorse capable of lying to a judge, police officer, therapist, psychiatrist, family member, spouse, boss and everyone else

However, they can be very calm or charming, maintain eye contact and normal breathing, appear stable or friendly, and exhibit relaxed body language. These people certainly fit the description of a sociopath and can be very dangerous.

The tragic reality of all the acquaintances, colleagues, and relatives of the pathological liar is that all of them are almost inevitably his victims. You can be part of a deception without even knowing it. Even if you do realize that the person is lying to someone, their friendliness and personability can make it difficult for you to believe that the deception concerns you too.

You may find it difficult to convince those around a respected and loved one that he is a cheater. As a result, behind the ostentatious charm, intelligence and sociability of the pathological liar, the environment does not notice his social, emotional and cognitive gaps.

Of course, there are ways to protect yourself from the destructive influence of the person who fools your head and makes your life confusing. Take every case of cheating seriously and don't forget:

1. Avoid associating with a chronic liar

If you feel like you are being lied to, you may be. We have an "internal compass" indicating "trouble" or "everything is calm", "truth" or "fiction". Trust him. There are situations in which it may seem to you that someone is lying, and later it turns out that he was telling the truth. But much more often we are accurate “barometers” of truth. If you feel like someone is cheating on you, don't let them feel comfortable agreeing, nodding, or laughing at their words. An indifferent, direct gaze can help stop the flow of lies.

2. Don't be silent

It is absolutely normal to tell a cheater that something in the story "does not go well." Of course, you can put it mildly by saying, “I’m confused. Can you explain again? " During counseling, with the right approach and the right tact, the therapist can use confrontation as a powerful tool.

Confrontation does not necessarily mean the beginning of a quarrel, it is just a statement that one information does not add up to another. For example: “I don’t understand how this can be true, I spoke to the principal and he documented that you were not at school at two in the afternoon this Monday.” Just facts to refute a lie.

3. Pretend to be a "fool"

I sometimes use this technique with teens and young children. At the moment of building rapport, encouraging the teenager to open up, I can ask clarifying questions, for example, “Oh, I heard something completely different. Help me figure out what's the matter. " People who are prone to lie tend to seek power over others.

If you are able to take a step back and appear humble, you are in reality in the top position. So you can encourage the interlocutor to explain what was said in order to once again weigh and evaluate the information. You are not trying to catch a person in a lie as such, but simply want to clarify the information in a non-conflicting way.

4. Don't believe anything until you are sure

A person with a long history of deceitful behavior should never take their word for it. If the pathological deceiver sees that you believe what he is telling you, he will not be able to stop. Approval or trust makes him feel strong and energetic, and he will continue. When talking to someone who often lies, it is important to remain neutral, detached, and focused. You must carefully weigh everything that is told to you if it does not agree with the facts you know.

5. Do not argue or fight

You should not waste your energy on arguments with someone who lives in a world that is invented or inspired by psychological instability. Most liars lack personality and suffer from feelings of insecurity and abandonment. Others are overconfident sociopaths. In any case, don't argue or get into conflict with liars. They are great at leading arguments that always go in circles, humiliate the interlocutor and generate even more lies to use in the future (possibly against you). You will never get to the truth, even through intimidation. In some cases, you can only find out half the truth. Better to step back, bypass the pathological liar, and keep a safe distance from him.

Pathological liars are difficult to live with or work with because you cannot determine what is true and what is cheating. And you cannot predict when the next lie will sound. Be mindful of your emotions and learn to ask yourself how you feel about what they tell you. Here are a few questions to ask yourself: “Do I feel comfortable with what they tell me?” “Listening to this story, do I feel stupid or that I’m being“fooled”?”, “Why do I doubt the veracity what are they saying to me now?"

The most important goal of anyone dealing with a pathological liar is to always remember their dignity and self-respect. The deceiver, as a rule, has no sympathy for you and uses you as much as you allow.

• By: Tamara Hill, MSc, Licensed Professional Consultant
• blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers/2019/07/surviving-the-chronic-liar-5-things-to-do/
• Translation by Yana Tsyplakova