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Video: The Boss Is Almighty. Three Methods To Get Rid Of Boss Fear - Image
The boss's fear is one of the most understandable and simple. He can be identified by the excitement that covers in front of the door with a sign, by stuttering and clumsy wording, by the ingratiating tone. The way you put off a simple question to your boss over and over again, how you live for years without a raise. However, this fear should not be attributed to the "obligatory" experiences associated with society. You don't have to be afraid of your boss.
Here are three simple practices to help you look closely at your fear and identify its weaknesses.
1. KEEP THE DISTANCE
Social fears are contagious. It is not joke. Indeed, one can become infected with uncertainty, doubts, anxiety, if one is in the group of "carriers" of these states. If it’s customary in your department to whisper the boss’s name, or if there is an unwritten prohibition against mentioning You Know Who, you’ll quickly discover how this group practice is starting to creep into your behavior. If five pensioners standing in front of you are in line sharing the secrets of how to win over the passport officer Lyubov Petrovna, and you start to listen and worry - this is it. If students who have already passed the exam share the revelation that the teacher does not like pretty young girls, and you run to the toilet to wash off your makeup, this is it.
You will need: the ability to focus and devote a few minutes to observing your condition.
Instruction. It is very important to maintain emotional hygiene and not allow yourself to be "flagged" by other people's worries and fears. To do this, it is important to keep your distance - bodily, emotional, verbal: in an alarming situation, take a step behind, do not enter into a conversation, turn on pleasant music in the player. It will be easier for a real teacher, boss, passport officer to deal with a calm, confident person than with an anxious, ingratiating, nervous, unstable person. Try to capture the inner moment of calmness and prolong it as much as possible. Use breathing techniques: inhale slowly through the nose for four counts, hold the breath for two counts, exhale through the nose for four counts, hold without air for two counts. Eight - ten breath cycles - and it will become a little easier for you to be in your own world,and not in the world of an anxious society.
WHAT ARE WE AFRAID OF?
Fears can be divided into three large groups - biological, social, and existential
1. Biological fears are
rooted in the instinct of self-preservation and mark everything that can cause harm to health and life. Such fears help us avoid danger.
2. Social fears
Associated with contacts with other people or society in general. They indicate situations that threaten our self-esteem or social status - real or perceived. Horror before public speaking, anxiety during exams and the obsession that the love of your life will pass by just when you go to throw out the trash in your slippers - this is the "social concentrate" of our life.
3. Existential fears
Associated with everything that threatens the meaning of our lives. This is the value "wrong side" of existence - loneliness, freedom of choice and the associated responsibility, death, lack of meaning in existence. They push us to search for ways of self-improvement - such as spiritual practices, religion, ethics and aesthetics.
2. SUBJECT TO DOUBT
A legendary halo quickly develops around people who are above you on the career, social, hierarchical ladder. Of course, you need to have special qualities in order to grow in the service and occupy leadership positions. But these qualities sometimes have nothing to do with intelligence, spirituality, experience and the ability to burn objects with a glance at a distance. Therefore, it makes sense to figure out what properties you give your leader.
You will need: several sheets of paper, a pencil, 20-30 minutes of free time.
Instruction. Write down the feelings and attitudes that you experience around your boss or while waiting for a conversation with him. Focus on negative experiences that bother you. For each of them, ask yourself the question: "Why do I feel this exactly next to him?" When you have given a detailed written answer, ask yourself again, "Why exactly should this make me so worried?" - ask this question to yourself until you find the final, ultimate explanation for what is happening.
For example: "I feel fear next to the boss." - "Why am I afraid?" - "Because I'm worried that he will find out about the unfinished work." - "Why am I worried?" - "I'm afraid of dismissal." - "Is there a real danger of dismissal?" - "No, I am a valuable employee and there is no one to cover my sector of work." - "Why am I afraid then?" - “Because unfinished work is … Actually, it happens to everyone, especially when the volume of work exceeds the capabilities of the employee. Why am I so afraid of this then? " - "Why?" "Ooh la la, our lovely boss makes us fearful lest we ask awkward questions about overtime." Voila.
Ask yourself questions consistently about each experience. Perhaps this will lead you to some realizations that you avoided, and to the need for change. Give yourself a little time to let the experience settle down, do not jump to conclusions and actions.
3. TESTING THE REALITY
The fear of the boss, if subjected to wild kitchen psychoanalysis, should rest on its roots in the fear that we experienced before our parents. In our distant childhood, they really were super-powerful giants, on whose will our life depended. And in every situation of addiction, we reproduce a particle of that very fear that our leader does not even know about. He swears at us for his reasons: the responsibility he bears to senior management, the anger and frustration of a perfectionist who is forced to delegate tasks, but believes that only he himself can perform them perfectly. This is also due to other small pathological passions. And we immediately feel like naughty children who will never, ever become as perfect and powerful as their parents.
You will need: privacy, a piece of paper, family photos, a pencil and an eraser.
Instruction. Write down all the qualities that come to mind for your boss. Do not deny yourself anything - he will not see. Then place family photos in front of you that show you are less than five years old. Look at your parents - what they are, what they are wearing, what they do in the pictures, what their hairstyles are, what the environment surrounds them. Using some simple arithmetic operations, calculate how old they are in the photo. Think how close you yourself are to this age. Do you have all the traits that you attributed to your parents when you were a child? In relation to your children, if you have them, are you so confident, omnipotent, omnipotent and smart, or do you sometimes feel doubts, hesitate, feel the burden of responsibility, worry?
These questions will help put the child's perspective in the past. Now try to look at others through the lens of an adult experience. Describe your boss again. Who is he? What characteristics does it have? What tasks does it solve? How does it deal with stress? Compare the recordings before and after photo analysis. Is there a difference?
At the end of the assignment, it may turn out that your boss is not a huge evil troll or an all-powerful giant, but an ordinary person. The same as your parents.