We Watch The Film "Kramer Vs. Kramer" Together With A Psychologist. Family Triangulation - Relationships, Reviews

"A love story has three sides!" tells us the slogan of the film "Kramer vs. Kramer", which has already become a film classic. What are these sides?

In psychology, there is the concept of "triangulation" - the inclusion of a child in the relationship of parents. This is wrong for the whole family, but above all for the child.

• "Kramer vs. Kramer". USA, 1979
• Director: Robert Benton
• Starring: Dustin Hoffman, Meryl Streep

The Kramer couple are getting divorced. Both Ted (Dustin Hoffman) and Joanna (Meryl Streep) claim full custody of the child. Six-year-old Billy finds himself drawn into the problems of adults, their difficult relationship and the war they have declared each other. This is a prime example of tiangulation.

When your legs are limping, you need a crutch - additional support. If the dyadic relationships of partners (including only two elements) deteriorate, if tension appears in them, it cannot find a way out, the conflict is not resolved, the relationship risks turning into a triad: a triangle.

The triangle in a relationship does not always mean cheating. Yes, love affairs occur, but much more often the child becomes the third element in the partners' tense relationship. He is near; he is still small, he has weak psychological boundaries; he trusts his parents, wants to make them happy and keep the family together. Therefore, it is children who are the first candidates for inclusion in parental relationships.

Triangulation can take many forms.

How does triangulation manifest?

Inclusion of the child in the communication of parents as a buffer: "Go and tell your father that dinner is already getting cold!", "Tell the mother that she speaks loudly on the phone and prevents me from watching TV …" There is no direct communication between the spouses, the child becomes a means of communication, a means of transmitting messages.

Create a coalition with your child against your spouse. For example, shared secrets, negative discussion of a partner, his criticism, devaluation …

Incestuous relationship with a child, when he symbolically takes the place of the partner, and the partner is "deposed from the throne." For example, the wife sleeps with her son, and the husband is forced to move to another room.

What are the consequences of triangulation?

Cramers stop "military actions" only when they understand that they are causing the most damage not to their partner, but to the child. It is he who suffers in the family war.

If a triangulation occurs in the family, the consequences may be as follows:

• The child is unsafe and anxious.
• The increased emotional background in the family leads to the fact that the child can no longer integrate what is happening to him. Then there is a "freezing of feelings", somatic symptoms and psychosomatic disorders.
• He feels responsible for what happens in the family. This is how the habit of excessive control and taking on someone else's responsibility is formed.
• Triangulation is not a model of love, but of use. A child who has fallen into a relationship of use begins to perceive them as a norm, and this leads him to the role of a victim, to use in later life.
• Once included in the relationship of the parents, he can no longer "leave" them. It is difficult for him to create his own family - as if there are no "free valences", that is, the opportunity for relationship with a partner.
• The child does not master the skill of direct communication, he learns to express himself only by hints, double messages.
• He forms a triangle scenario as a familiar structure in relationships. In adulthood, he may have love triangles over and over again, and he also passes this scenario on, including his own children in triangulation.

The film is not for nothing considered one of the best in the history of world cinema. It is talentedly filmed, there are wonderful actors in it. And - it reveals a topic that may be close to many: the use of a child in an adult conflict.

Is it so good if a love story has three sides?.. Everyone chooses for himself.