How To Avoid Relapse In A Toxic Relationship, Or How To Avoid Stepping On Old Rakes - Relations

When it comes to toxic relationships, it can be hard to get over the breakup and its aftermath. If you've been in a toxic relationship for a long time, chances are good that you will find it difficult to get out of it. Sometimes, support from loved ones may not be enough

If you return to this relationship, you may feel ashamed and embarrassed to confess it to a friend or family member. Even if you are undergoing therapy that should help you get out of a toxic relationship, you will find that you are hiding information from your therapist or lying to him about the reason for the relapse - after all, it may seem too pretentious or stupid to you, so it is better to remain silent. The result can be feelings of isolation, depression, and hopelessness.

I myself have gone through this situation in the past and experienced a roller coaster of relapse. Months passed, everything was fine, and then one day I felt weak and tried to restore the relationship. Or vice versa, the former partner got in touch and I gave in. This can be experienced as frustration: after all, you spent so much time working on yourself, and now you have a relapse and you will find yourself at the same point where you started. So now you feel like, "Why did I spend so much time and money on therapy?" "Why did this relapse happen?" "What to do to avoid future relapses?"

Based on my own experience, I can say that it can be very helpful to start by making a list of all the reasons why you ended the relationship. It can be difficult for us to remember this difficult period, because it can provoke unpleasant emotions. However, remembering the reasons why we decided to leave is a good reason to get back in touch with reality.

I was re-reading my diary recently and came across notes of what I went through while in a toxic relationship. It opened my eyes to a lot. I forgot my pain, which was captured in my notes, and it was a shock. Reading about my experience, I realized why I left that relationship and why in no case should I go back. You have to do your best not to communicate.

Reading the diary, I asked myself the question: "Who is this person?" But it was helpful for me not only to remember my pain, but also to realize how far I have come. To understand that now I would never agree to endure such manipulations.

I've also found that spending more time on hobbies and doing some serious work on yourself through meditation and yoga is very beneficial to recover from a relapse. Try to make a plan in case you are at risk of another relapse. Then the danger will not find you unprepared. Find one person in your life who you trust, who can be supportive and non-judgmental when faced with a relapse.

As with any threat, you must be realistic about yourself. For example, I am aware of my codependency tendency, which makes me stuck in a toxic relationship, so I must always keep this in mind, as well as the dire consequences that it leads to.

Toxic relationships are very complex and difficult to deal with alone, but if you trust any of my suggestions, you might feel better and lose your tendency to relapse like this.

• By Erica Loberg
• Translated by Kiril Melamud