Why Does The Candy-bouquet Period Pass So Quickly And Relationship Problems Begin? - Relations

The candy-bouquet period is traditionally called the very beginning of a romantic relationship, the sweet time when a loving gentleman looks after his chosen one and does not skimp on signs of attention. Why does it pass so quickly and "real life" begins?

Cafes, restaurants, lovely surprises, endless correspondence, long walks, telephone conversations and, of course, "a million scarlet roses". Girls scrupulously calculate investments that do not have to be material, everything counts - both the time spent, and attention, and the desire to please. However, this wonderful time is rarely long, sometimes, from the first meetings, a man confines himself to the duty "broom" and divides the bill for coffee in half, let alone family life.

1. The candy-bouquet period is a formality

Perhaps for your man, all this was just a performance of some kind of ritual, following a cultural code. If you want to get close to a girl - match! Shave, put on clean, neat clothes, buy a bouquet, invite you to the cinema, then to the cafe, give compliments, tell jokes and ask questions. Therefore, after completing the obligatory program, he does not see any point in continuing these ritual actions.

Unfortunately, this approach suggests that this man initially treated you as a function, and not as a person. Problems can appear at any time, if only you react to his actions in a different way than he expected. She ate a three-course dinner, but refused to continue the evening - a dynamo, drank coffee and smiled, but did not give a hug and a kiss - mercantile, accepted a bouquet, but did not go to the cinema - she thought too much of herself.

2. Hormonal storm

The man literally "lost his head" from love. Circumstances just turned out well. Perhaps you went through an exciting adventure together, met on a "suitable" day of your cycle, fell into his type, in short, hormones play in a man. He is sincerely ready to bring the whole world to your feet, just to be next to you as often and close as possible. Since such a state activates all systems of the body, it is a huge stress, and a person cannot be in it constantly.

Sooner or later, the man will return to normal and begin to think and act more soberly. Then the real acquaintance will begin. You will cease to be constantly in the center of his attention and occupy all his thoughts. This can undoubtedly be perceived as rejection, but it is not. On the contrary, getting out of the merger allows partners to build a much healthier relationship in which there is room for two unique personalities not only in their similarities, but also in their differences.

3. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

A man can try his best to show you his best sides and hide those traits that he himself considers "dark", vicious. In this case, the candy-bouquet period is a manifestation of his "demonstrative" personality. In this case, positive traits, such as generosity, openness, or charm, are deliberately hypertrophied. But pretending is infinitely impossible, consciously and unconsciously suppressed parts will sooner or later appear.

At the same time, you can completely calmly accept his "vices", but he himself rejects himself so much that the mere thought that someone finds out about his imperfections terrifies him. This makes communication incredibly difficult, as it creates fertile ground for projections, denial and aggression. The possibility of intimacy disappears, of building, albeit imperfect, but truly living relationships. In this case, individual and pair psychotherapy works well.

It is good if the relationship develops gradually, and the movement towards each other is mutual and symmetrical. If partners delight and care about each other, not because it is "so accepted", "a man should" or "a real woman is obliged", but because they sincerely want. If a couple has the courage in their vulnerability to open up to each other and resilience to stay close despite their differences, the candy-bouquet period does not end as long as they choose to stay together.