Love And Money Forever About Relationship With Money - Society

It would seem, why talk about money in the pages of a publication about psychology, when newspapers publish daily stock reports and bookstores are inundated with tutorials on how to plan a budget? Maybe then most of us, in spite of all the fruits of enlightenment, do not sleep at night because of the rise in prices for light and sausage? You can eat oysters for dinner and hand out Armani dresses to your relatives, but this does not exempt you from playing the game. Perhaps the dramatic intensity of the eternal plot “we have no money” is explained by the fact that the rustling bills are actually a blank sheet. This means a good screen for psychological projections …

ILLUSION OF ACCESSIBILITY

Don't trust dictionaries. Especially sensible, claiming that money is "paper signs, a means of payment and an object of savings." Money is also dirt, freedom, power, the ultimate dream, an artery of war, the illusion of security, the equivalent of talent, the diesel fuel of mass psychosis, a means of manipulating others, a luxurious surrogate for self-esteem, parental care, conjugal love.

And of course, money is "not the main thing", in the absence of which you really want to hang yourself on the blinds in your own bedroom.

Before trying to find an answer to the age-old question, why is it all for one, and for another - a padded coat on a padding polyester and coppers for a minibus, let's think about what mental mechanisms regulate our relationship with banknotes. If you ignore the advice from the series "if you are so smart, then why not rich", you will have to recall the very extravagant theory of Sigmund Freud, who associated money with feces. According to this theory, the unconscious attitude of an adult to rubles (yen, dollars and euros) is laid at the so-called anal stage of development, from a year to two. Obviously, some parents invariably admire what they have done, while others scold, scold, or take out the pot with silent disgust. Now, the way the miser keeps the moneyconsidered as a compensatory reflection of children's refusal to defecate at the request of disgruntled parents. The squander, on the other hand, is like a child seeking approval of his "gifts."

A person does not exist in only one space of his own unconscious, he also lives in the world of nature, society, culture, religion, clan and family. According to the observation of the philosopher and sociologist Sergei Kara-Murza, we also exist in two other worlds - things and signs. “Things created by nature and by man himself are only a material substrate,” the researcher writes. - So, money belongs to the world of signs, and therefore is full of contradictions and secrets. It is known, for example, that the overwhelming majority of visitors to shopping centers come there just to look at the windows, without intending to buy anything. And the point here is not at all that they want to collect information about real goods that they really need. The main thing here is to create the illusion of the availability of luxury and prosperity, that fictional virtual reality in which a modern person seeks to live."

This idea is confirmed by the widespread phenomenon of shopaholics and "eaters on emotions" today. Every day, facing aggression at work, pushing in transport and tossing with burnout syndrome, they, without knowing it, supplant stress, consoling themselves with the purchase of something branded and tasty. Then they will reproach themselves for a crime against the figure and the family budget, but this is until the next relapse: otherwise it does not work - the stress will devour! And although psychoanalysis has long since revealed that such extravagance indicates an unconscious need for love, warmth and acceptance, tonight this need can be satisfied … of course, only money. It turns out that we become too vulnerable if we do not have them.

I, RICH, WAS POOR …

Money loves counting and cannot stand frivolity. If we approach the matter soberly, our attitude to such a utilitarian subject could be purely rational: act in such a way that it will bring you the maximum income, and do not spend too much. But everything happens differently.

“Thrift, reaching the point of stinginess, can manifest itself in any situations involving exchange - property, emotional, creative,” says psychoanalyst Tatyana Alavidze. - Unwillingness to spend, to give arises from the desire to compensate for the feeling of helplessness that we experienced in childhood. The unconscious desire to save, not to spend in a symbolic form gives a feeling of security, possession of something and a pleasant opportunity to dispose of this property at your own discretion. Such exaggerated independence gives a person peace of mind, for which, alas, you have to pay: building close and trusting relationships with others from such a position is very difficult.

“Banknotes and coins mean what we want to see in them or unconsciously hope to get them with their help,” explains psychologist Anna Fenko. "Security, power, love of others, freedom … From this point of view, money is an ideal screen for our psychological projections, we attribute to money those meanings that are especially important for us."

According to statistics, the most common reason for marital quarrels is not at all the notorious dissatisfaction with sex life or even jealousy, but financial disagreements.

“Suffering from lack of money often has a completely different basis,” continues Anna Fenko. - So, an accusation of squandering, directed by a husband to his wife, may mean something like “you are indifferent to me and to my emotional needs”. “We cannot afford it” is often translated as “I don’t want to go to the resort with you, I think with horror that we will have to hold our own for two weeks”. In the age-old female reproach “you have to provide for your family” reads “be a man and don't let me down” or even “I have to beg your attention”. And then - in a circle. After all, verbalizing your true emotions is perhaps one of the most difficult tasks of interpersonal communication. Especially if you consider that we ourselves are not always aware of what worries us."

We are overwhelmed with irritation, bitterness, resentment, disappointment and anger, but what are they connected with? With the fact that we are forced to do something that is no longer interesting to us? With the fact that we are experiencing mourning for the repressed everyday passion? No! You just have to give up a trip to Goa, and instead - cook and wash dishes in the country! In general, it is easier to write off the negative on the complexity of the household register than to look for the reasons in yourself.

The harm of such projections, according to the psychologist and gestalt therapist Denis Novikov, is that the experiences “off the box” take away emotional forces from us that could be useful for more productive mental work: “Instead of somehow dealing with real problems, man is wasted on fictional ones."

The simplest "recipe" is to ask yourself, what would change if I had a lot of money? For example: “If I had money, I would have traveled all over the world and got a lot of vivid impressions” or “I could take care of myself and arrange my personal life”. Or maybe you could diversify your child, because you would send him to art school and equestrian sports? Now remove that "if". In fact, the ability to experience impressions, enjoy communication and the ability to be attentive to loved ones have nothing to do with the contents of the wallet. We will need money for another case …

SELF-ASSESSMENT PRICE

You can talk about the happy poor and the unfortunate millionaires as much as you like, but it would be a mistake to assert that psychologically we are ready to live according to the precepts of the times when “it was easier for a camel to crawl through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. The gardens cultivated by the enlighteners and the subsequent scientific and technological revolution brought a person out of the community, awarding no less the status of an individual. And what should he do in a free market without money?

Here I recall Knut Hamsun's novel "Hunger", whose hero, a young writer, was dying of hunger in prosperous Oslo. No one thought to help him. And himself, being a decent man, he could not bring himself to steal a roll or pie.

Of course, one should not conclude that the right to life in general and to a dignified life in particular is given to us by His Majesty the market.

Nor is it worth denying that sometimes we have to defend these rights.

“The position“I don't give a damn about money”is inherently teenage,” says Anna Fenko. "It betrays a fear of entering adulthood, of participating in a social competition for maturity."

It is worth remembering that our attitude towards money colors all the actions and efforts we take to make it. And if this attitude is disrespectful, negative or contradictory, then with the highest professionalism it is difficult to count on financial success.

“Suffering that you are not as well off as you would like and despising your income is the road to poverty,” explains psychologist Sergei Klyuchnikov. "Because a healthy relationship with money is built on self-respect."

By the way, one should not feel remorse about the episodes of light squandering that sometimes happen to us. The desire to live beautifully, use quality things and relax the way we like it is an essential motivation to move on. To deprive yourself of pleasure is to run away from life. And from money, of course.

EXPERT OPINION

Andrey Lorgus, priest

MONEY OR SUFFICIENCY

It is strange to argue about the meaning of money. Whether money is a sign or real value is not so important. Another thing is important: with all the exaggerated attention to the myth about the meaning of money, most people, especially in our country, generally disrespect their material wealth. Wealth is not a monetary concept.

Material wealth is a complex and multidimensional phenomenon and is not related to money. In some cases, even the opposite. This, for example, is something that cannot be sold or pledged. Material wealth - the totality of all the resources of a person, family or clan, which determines the standard of living. This includes, in addition to money and securities, social benefits and benefits, winnings and finds, potential (but real) family income and reserves, inheritance, land, collections, archives, experience and education, as well as connections, acquaintances, kinship, etc. People are often ready to ignore their real wealth, striving at all costs to increase their income in monetary terms. Often acquaintances are asked: "How much do you get?" It is understood that it is the size of the salary that determines the standard of living of the family. But if we proceed from this, then more than half of Russian families cannot survive. But the life of a family depends more on material wealth as a whole than on the amount of money income. The paradox is that money numbers amaze (or calm) our minds more than real wealth. Either it’s harder to keep track of wealth than money, or it’s harder to manage wealth than spending money. Material wealth (well-being) is more real than monetary values. However, money tempts more than wealth. Money can be taken out, lost, borrowed. With material wealth, this is difficult or impossible to do. Money can quarrel friends, divorce spouses. Material wealth does not drive you crazy, but life affirms. Money is impersonal, well-being is "mine", it gives rise to responsibility and gratitude. The paradox is that money numbers amaze (or calm) our minds more than real wealth. Either it is more difficult to account for wealth than money, or it is more difficult to manage wealth than it is to spend money. Material wealth (well-being) is more real than monetary values. However, money tempts more than wealth. Money can be taken out, lost, borrowed. With material wealth, this is difficult or impossible to do. Money can quarrel friends, divorce spouses. Material wealth does not drive you crazy, but life affirms. Money is impersonal, well-being is "mine", it gives rise to responsibility and gratitude. The paradox is that money numbers amaze (or calm) our minds more than real wealth. Either it’s harder to keep track of wealth than money, or it’s harder to manage wealth than spending money. Material wealth (well-being) is more real than monetary values. However, money tempts more than wealth. Money can be taken out, lost, borrowed. With material wealth, this is difficult or impossible to do. Money can quarrel friends, divorce spouses. Material wealth does not drive you crazy, but life affirms. Money is impersonal, well-being is "mine", it gives rise to responsibility and gratitude. Material wealth (well-being) is more real than monetary values. However, money tempts more than wealth. Money can be taken out, lost, borrowed. With material wealth, this is difficult or impossible to do. Money can quarrel friends, divorce spouses. Material wealth does not drive you crazy, but life affirms. Money is impersonal, well-being is "mine", it gives rise to responsibility and gratitude. Material wealth (well-being) is more real than monetary values. However, money tempts more than wealth. Money can be taken out, lost, borrowed. With material wealth, this is difficult or impossible to do. Money can quarrel friends, divorce spouses. Material wealth does not drive you crazy, but life affirms. Money is impersonal, well-being is "mine", it gives rise to responsibility and gratitude.