Three Destinies Of One Love - Relations

“All families are unhappy in different ways,” wrote the great classic. And yet there is a pattern. There are negative love scenarios in which relationships develop, causing suffering, causing pain. Such a scenario is formed in childhood and sweeps with us into adulthood like a time bomb. And it "explodes" when we fall in love. After that, the development of relations seems to be moving along a predetermined path. A script is a script because everything is written in advance and predetermined.

What role do you unconsciously choose - this scenario will be played out. We invite you to familiarize yourself with the three main negative love scenarios in which relationships develop. They are based on the so-called Karpman's dramatic triangle, based on three roles: victim - pursuer - rescuer. Take a closer look at them. Perhaps some of them will seem familiar to you. To do this, we invite you to recall the drama of the Norwegian playwright Ibsen "Peer Gynt": it contains all three roles and all three scenarios. Perhaps this drama is also familiar to you from the cycle of plays of the same name by the Norwegian composer Edvard Grieg.

Peer Gynt is the first guy in the village, handsome and dashing. He lives for his own pleasure, does not think about the consequences of actions. No, he is not a villain, but an ordinary egoist, which is sometimes worse. One day he gets to a village wedding and "lays his eye" on the bride - Ingrid.

INGRID SCENARIO OR THE ROLE OF THE VICTIM

Peer Gynt seduces Ingrid: falls in love with herself and takes her away from the wedding. He is driven by the desire to assert himself, self-will. After spending the night with her, Per leaves her. Both the girl and he himself perfectly understand that she is now disgraced and no one will take her as a wife. What is left for her? Only complain and suffer.

The victim's love story is shaped by the unfair treatment of the child. From early childhood, he assimilates the idea that life is unfair. Unconsciously, he expects betrayal from loved ones, but “whoever seeks will always find” … The victim puts himself in the circumstances in which he will be betrayed. Either he initially chooses so-called “bad objects” (traitors) for communication - or provokes others to mistreat himself. Imagine a passenger who travels on the subway with an unbuttoned purse, a thick wallet sticking out, and even absentmindedly looking around. There will definitely be someone who will take advantage of this.

From the loved one, the Victim initially expects a catch. For example, he is jealous in advance, arranges scenes, gets into the mail and phone - and, with his jealousy, pushes you to cheat. What is most interesting, in reality, the Victim projects his own suppressed aggression onto others - therefore, he sees danger in them, even if there is none.

The victim is always unhappy in love: she is abandoned, mistreated, not appreciated, her heart breaks over and over again. Often she finds herself in a codependent relationship: her partner mistreats her, but she does not have the spirit to leave. Sacrifice makes you rush headlong into relationships, give too much, even to your detriment.

What to do?

Direct your love towards yourself first. Appreciate yourself, take care. And thus - to get out of emotional dependence.

After this story, Per is forced to flee his native land. He travels, experiences incredible adventures and grows old unnoticed. Once he gets to the Bedouins and falls in love with the beautiful daughter of the leader - Anitra.

ANITRA SCENARIO, OR THE ROLE OF THE SECRETARY

The girl teases him. At first he seduces, and then with a laugh pushes away from himself: "Per, look at yourself, you are already an old man who needs you."

Once the Seducer's heart was broken, he was disappointed - and now he breaks his own hearts. At the age of three or four, we all go through the so-called stage of idealization, and at five or six years, we go through the stage of depreciation. At first, the child admires the parents, literally idolizes them, and then becomes disappointed. As in the anecdote about Vovochka, who found his parents making love: “And these people forbid me to carry sweets from the closet.”

The seducer is psychologically stuck in the depreciation stage. His heart is closed. He is cynical about everything, rejects feelings, speaks ironically about love: "pink snot", "strawberry syrup". His behavior is overtly sexualized and very active. Unconsciously, he makes his partners experience what he once experienced, hurts them. Arousing strong feelings and quitting is the game he plays. He often changes partners, but this is a superficial relationship, formal, without deep contact.

What to do?

Listen to your feelings, respect them in yourself and in other people. After all, the Aggressor is cruel to others because he is cruel to himself. His task is to establish contact with his own heart, to open it. After all, relationships without cordiality will never bring real satisfaction.

Per goes to wander again and meets the Buttermaker, a character in Norwegian folklore. The buttonhole melts down the souls of those who are not good enough for heaven and not bad enough for hell. And this is the worst thing: the soul disappears forever in the bucket of the Button-Maker. The Button Man hints to Peru that he is his client. He has not done anything serious in his life: neither good nor bad. He lived his life "in no way", and therefore will be melted down. Per is frightened. He understands that heaven certainly does not shine for him, so he wants to go at least to hell. And he remembers Solveig.

A SOLVAIG SCENARIO, OR THE ROLE OF A SAVIOR

Solveig is another girl seduced by Per. Once he left her house and said that he would return the next day. For many years she waited, looked into the distance at the road, sang - and went blind. And now Per asks her to confirm that he is a scoundrel, "worthy" of hell. But Solveig says: "Per, you turned my life into a song, thank you!" And he goes to heaven.

Since childhood, the Rescuer has taken care of others - after all, this is how he evoked parental love. There was no unconditional love in his family: he received “stroking” for good deeds. He had to deserve love. It still depends on external assessments. Even when no one sees him, it is as if an "invisible audience" remains next to him. Therefore, he has to be "good" all the time. So in a love relationship: he cares about a partner, but often - excessively. Caring is beneficial and enjoyable in moderation. Excessive care begins to limit, stifle, infantilize. Lifeguard interferes with growth. It is difficult to be realized next to him, to live a full life. Therefore, the Rescuer often chooses "parasites" as partners who begin to use him. And even an initially harmonious partner, the Rescuer provokes parasitism.

What to do?

Believe in your "goodness", stop raising your self-esteem by constant exploits. To direct your concern first of all to yourself - then a balance will be found in the relationship with your partner.