Table of contents:
- Why is it easy to advise on the importance of not overpowering yourself and getting out of destructive, bad relationships, be they partnerships, work or friendships? Why is everything clear and there is a lot of information, but not everyone can take the first step and take responsibility? Why is it easier for us to endure than to get up and go where we think it will be good? And why, when leaving, instead of enjoying happiness, do we often grieve for the lost?
- Fear, what is it about?
Video: How To Get Out Of A Bad Relationship Or Quit An Unloved Job? - Relationships, Self-development
Why is it easy to advise on the importance of not overpowering yourself and getting out of destructive, bad relationships, be they partnerships, work or friendships? Why is everything clear and there is a lot of information, but not everyone can take the first step and take responsibility? Why is it easier for us to endure than to get up and go where we think it will be good? And why, when leaving, instead of enjoying happiness, do we often grieve for the lost?
Fear, what is it about?
With the first why much is clear. Giving advice is not to carry bags and not always do it yourself. And from the side it is better to see. But this is more visible from the outside. And you have your own truth and your answers. The only sensible solution is to look inward and look for answers there. Having found the answer in yourself, you need to have great courage to follow it. It often happens that we know and feel exactly what we want, but the voice of our mother or boss is much stronger and louder in our head. We were taught from childhood to be obedient and polite, and taught a lot more. So we learned to know that there is someone more authoritative and he certainly knows better than us how to live. And only the brave can go after their inner knowledge in spite of all voices and disagreements.
Fear is actually a great and necessary thing and you shouldn't get rid of it completely. It is worth understanding what it is about - your fear. Maybe your friend sang the idea that you urgently need to change your job or your husband. And you, trusting, believed. In the absence of the skill to separate your desires from others, fear can be very useful. But not infrequently we are afraid of our fantasies and stop ourselves. This fear is worth dealing with.
To understand whether fear is justified or not, you need to write out all your fantasies in one column, and in the second to evaluate them for reality and find ways to solve. You can record all your fears on a tape recorder in the form "Are you afraid …" and listen to them several times. Listening, observe yourself and your inner feelings. Check to see if what you fear is real. Or is it your fantasy?
Other things to think about in terms of bad relationships and unloved jobs
Lack of motivation. Probably, this is not so bad, perhaps there is something that compensates for her absence. Each of us has our own threshold of pain and patience. The more often in childhood you were told "be patient", the more often you heard "eat / carry what they give", the longer you will be able to tolerate that which does not suit you. And this skill is worth disassembling and studying very carefully.
You plucked up your courage and left. You know exactly what you did right. You know for sure that you never want to go back, that the place where you went is your inner decision and choice. But! In thoughts, you constantly come back. Any reminders hurt you. And all this does not allow you to enjoy the new choice. What to do with this treacherous feeling? Look back and see what you left there. Such sensations can arise from the fact that for a long time you have given more than you received. More strength, more energy, more love, more emotion, more intelligence, whatever. Take a look and evaluate what, as it seems to you, you were not paid extra, for which you underestimated, did not thank you. Get it back. Close your eyes and replay the scene where you reclaim what was left behind. Check if you have taken everything. When your inner state is calm and you return everything to yourself, you can enjoy the new choice.
When you feel like leaving, ask yourself two questions: where are you leaving and where. It is important to remember that from the outside it may seem that everything is fine and everyone around will convince you of this. But if you feel bad emotionally, this is not your place. If your body begins to connect psychosomatics - do not ignore. Listen to yourself and your body - you know exactly where you feel bad and where you feel good. It's important to learn to be honest with yourself. Or, at least, admit to yourself that you agree to be where you feel bad. Here I am reminded of a phrase that psychologist Ekaterina Sokalskaya often says: “Sex for love differs from violence only by consent. The action itself is the same. " This means that when you honestly admit to yourself that you choose to stay, sometimes it doesn't feel so painful and bad.