Table of contents:
- Two worlds - two truths
- Who is right? Both are right
- Why do you need a lover?
- The path to rapprochement and loyalty
For most men, the true reasons for this terribly painful situation are often misunderstood. Various offensive words about women are used. Infidelity is very difficult. A powerful blow to men's self-esteem can lead to depression or an inferiority complex. Even if the marriage is preserved, the "residue" remains for a long time, although the feelings are often held back inside.
Two worlds - two truths
"Thanks" to our psychological illiteracy, we are constantly trying to understand another person, putting ourselves in his place, not realizing that the other person, especially of the opposite sex, is arranged differently and we need not to engage in projections, but to find out what and how in reality. The husband unsuccessfully tries to figure out why his wife got a lover, as he looks at the situation from his point of view, based on his beliefs, views, needs. I think it will be useful to talk about the real causes of such situations - in order to understand them correctly and prevent them in the future.
The most important part of the inner world of most women is the sphere of feelings, emotions, experiences. When a wife receives enough attention from her husband, when they are together well, it is interesting, there is a lot of warmth, tenderness, care in their communication, then the woman feels that she is loved, her "vessel of love" is filled, she is satisfied with her married life and is faithful to her husband
It is so arranged that for most men the language of emotions and feelings is not “native”. Many men embody caring for their beloved woman first of all, earning as much money by hard work as is needed to provide the family with a good standard of living: housing, a car (preferably two), shopping, overseas vacations, children's education, etc.
Who is right? Both are right
And this is where the problem arises. The man is sincerely sure that he is doing everything he should and doing well. At the same time, a woman feels in an emotional "vacuum", she lacks compliments, affectionate words, signs of attention, heart-to-heart communication, tenderness that is not a prelude to sex.
Due to the same psychological illiteracy, we do not know how to speak correctly in such cases; the whole conversation boils down to defending each side of their innocence and exchange of claims, which naturally ends with a quarrel. And even after reconciliation, the situation does not change, because no one understood anything, which means that the problem does not go away.
Why do you need a lover?
In the overwhelming majority of cases, a woman takes on a lover just to fill this emotional and communicative void. In communicating with her lover, she is saturated with admiring glances and compliments, courtship and flirting, positive emotions and sensual experiences.
In very rare cases, the leading motive of adultery on the part of the wife is a simple sexual attraction to another man (as the husband usually suggests); much more often the "first fiddle" is played by dissatisfaction with interpersonal relationships in marriage, communication with a partner and a lack of positive emotions.
The path to rapprochement and loyalty
This is not as bad news for men as it sounds. A normal woman does not demand the moon from the sky, and a man who wants to prevent such scenarios does not have to turn himself inside out. All that is needed - and we have successfully followed this path with dozens of clients - is to understand what a woman wants and learn to “speak” more or less well in her “language”, and not just in her own. Moreover, "everything new is well forgotten old": during courtship, most men somehow coped with the task and gave their beloved kind words and flowers, knew how to listen and sympathize, some even managed to be gentle and courteous.
So, men, nothing is impossible. Pay more attention to what brings your life partner joy, from which she is in high spirits, what makes her happy and delighted. How long you will be the source that fills her heart with love, so much time you will be her only beloved man to whom she will be faithful.