“How Can It Be When A Wife Does Not Appreciate Either You Or Your Work? »- Relations

How can it be, when a wife does not appreciate either you or your work? And you love her! But there was little patience

Sergey, 47 years old

In fact, this is not love, but love addiction. If you loved her, you would be happy to be a hero and a worker for her, as they say, a knight without fear and reproach. You would not expect any appreciation or approval from her and rejoice at every opportunity to benefit your beloved woman. From this, you yourself would grow in your own eyes and feel that everything you do is not in vain, because you can hardly imagine greater happiness when there is a loved one nearby and you can be useful to him.

If the child is really loved, then the parents are simply happy with his success and the fact that they can contribute to them. Plant cultivation, business, painting are satisfying in themselves. The agronomist is glad that the flower or seedling has not wilted; the writer is grateful even to his only reader, and the parents are satisfied that their child is successful in life. And this is the highest estimate of all the efforts expended.

You simply cannot live without your wife, you are afraid of losing her, you are afraid of her neglect and rejection, trying your best to win her favor. You do not feel her affection for you, because you yourself cannot perceive her sincerely. You need to prove to her all the time that you are worthy of her, that she is only yours and no one else's, that she does not value anyone else as much as you, that all other men for her do not compare with you. You feel the competition, you try to keep up so as not to be the loser. And she still does not want to put you on a "pedestal", does not offer a "yellow jersey of the leader", taking everything for granted. You give yourself to her and everything that you do for her, like a commodity that requires an appropriate assessment. And when the "product" is not evaluated in the way you want, you are forced to admit that it is of poor quality, imperfect,rejected, inappropriate, or simply not needed. All these are your deeply hidden, extremely painful experiences that come from childhood, which must be hidden from yourself so that they do not begin to act destructively. And the wife, from the point of view of your subconscious, must prevent your self-destruction.

You love your wife with that "love" which the heroine of a famous fairy tale loves her mirror: "My light, mirror, tell me and report the whole truth: am I the loveliest in the world?" In such narcissistic love, the object of attachment is not valuable in itself, it only performs the function of a mirror: the “lover” himself must be reflected in the object of his love, thereby affirming a positive image of himself. Usually, in such cases, the more luxurious the mirror, the more it needs it and the harder it is to lose it. After all, a perfect image must have an appropriate frame. You can learn to love - as the French say, “love with love”, without demanding anything in return.