Money Is In Our Heads. How To Change Your Settings - Self-development, Society

About a year ago, while wandering on Instagram, I came across the post of a financier. The nice guy gave the impression of a knowledgeable specialist and offered to invest. I was just thinking about passive income options, and this idea seemed tempting to me. And probably everything would have happened in the best possible way, if not for one "but"

Miracles began. I lost contacts of the financier, forgot about the meeting, lowered the bar for a trial investment, gnawed at myself for spending money on a consultation, and, as punishment for neglecting the family budget, canceled the meeting again. In short, she resisted as best she could. The finale is clear: it did not come to investments, I did not open a brokerage account and millions did not flow to me like a river.

True, there was also a positive result. The thought came to my attention that I had a strange relationship with money. They are like honey to Winnie the Pooh - a very strange subject for me. If they are, then they are not immediately.

I began to observe myself, or rather, what I say about money, what I think about it, how I feel when I have to deal with money-related issues.

"Ushlaya Baba" and "Sausage - for Breakfast"

First of all, I came across a program that I myself called "Sausage - for breakfast!".

If you, like me, were born in the eighties or earlier, you should remember well the nineties with their crisis and deficit. I was a child at that time, and my parents had a hard time. With food, and in general with everything, it was difficult. And if they bought that same sausage, they ate it very sparingly.

Well, it would seem, childhood and childhood, with whom has not happened. I've already grown up. But when my husband had unexpected problems in business and we had to revise the items in the family budget, somewhat cutting costs, the first thing that happened to me was the “Sausage for breakfast!” Program was activated. Unexpectedly for myself, I began to furiously monitor the consumption of food, cursed about violations with household members, tried to restrict them with all my strength and was very worried if something was not eaten on schedule.

Despite the fact that the situation was not at all dramatic, once I literally heard myself from the outside at the moment when I uttered the phrase “Don't take sausage in the evening! She's for breakfast for the kids! " I felt scared and terribly funny at the same time. I thought: in spy films there are automatic self-destruct programs, and those who lived in the nineties have self-restraint programs, and they also run automatically.

The next “bell” sounded a little later, in the process of teaching coaching. I needed to describe my future income and name the desired amount. But … an amount exceeding 150,000 was not given.

It was not only not uttered, but it was not even placed in my mind. Despite the fact that there were also larger amounts in the experience, no matter how hard I tried, I could not name a figure greater than this. All. Ceiling. If I, overcoming myself, and approached a larger income, I immediately felt an unbearable feeling of anxiety.

Further into the world crawled out "Ugly woman". I met her by chance.

For one week, I had to discuss topics related to women's business and women's projects. People were different, and I told someone about interesting Instagram profiles on this topic, with someone we discussed specific women, their projects and results. I noticed that, jokingly, and sometimes seriously, speaking of these women, I say: "Quirky woman." I had to look closely in this direction.

Hello parents

It turned out that every time an active, purposeful, courageous woman was hiding under the "cunning woman". With well-defined personal boundaries. With an understanding of their needs. With the desire to achieve ambitious goals and with the ability to make money.

I immediately remembered the film "Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears". Where the heroine of Irina Muravyova says to her friend: “Here are some who will say rude! And we will call it - eccentric! A?!"

I acted differently. Having met such a woman, she devalued, criticized, condemned. And of course she was jealous.

I had to analyze the situation. And I didn't have to remember for a long time.

Again the nineties. Our kitchen. My favorite is the orange plastic lampshade on the ceiling. I hear adults talking. With the label "quirky woman", dad is branding some woman who is not afraid to earn money. She wants and knows how to do it. She makes at least some attempts to survive and even live a normal life, if not good. She took responsibility for her life, rather than relying on luck, husband or state. Not afraid to change something and reach a new financial level. She wants to live better than others. And the worst thing is that she openly demonstrates an interest in money.

This "title" firmly lived in our family, and dad awarded it to everyone who, plus or minus, fell under the description.

It was in childhood. What has changed now? Situations where I felt burning shame and guilt when I had to act in the role of such a “quirky woman” rush through my head. In these situations, I did not start a project, leaked negotiations, gave up opportunities, underestimated the cost of my services and did valuable work for free in order to be good.

The context was different, but the essence was the same - you can't be a cunning woman. It is forbidden to have and display qualities that lead to high income. Significant people will be judged and rejected. Needless to say, the instructions received from my dad and became the installation poisoned my life for a long time? And even now, this bug is no-no, and it is short-lived in my head.

Where is the money, Zin?

There were other situations as well. In them, I still named a high price for my services, but then I inevitably blamed myself. Serious orders were thwarted, because on the eve of the signing of the contract I depreciated my knowledge and my work with the words "Yes, everyone can do it." When I got married, for some reason I said to myself: "So, now I am a girl, I don't want to decide anything, I want a new dress." She said, and the consequences of this installation were not long in coming - my own incomes were dramatically reduced. Accident? Not at all! Having formed such a conviction in my head, I fell from an adult position to a nursery one - and children are not entitled to money. Well, except for the pocket ones. For ice cream.

I will not describe the entire process of excavation and subsequent work on the changes, I will limit myself only to the conclusions that I came to.

• The work on personal enrichment does not begin with consulting a financier, but with the study of those attitudes and limiting beliefs that have been living in our heads for years.
• You will have to take the rap for yourself and for that guy. That is, for all relatives. Because we didn’t come empty-handed to the day when we decided to enter the Forbes list. We brought our own experience, the experience of the parental family and the experience of previous generations there. And given the historical past of our country, this experience is very, very specific.
• There are psychological techniques that allow you to find your bugs and replace them with more effective strategies of thinking and behavior. They work better than affirmations and wish cards, where you are a money magnet. Why? Because these techniques work from the root cause - the beliefs, attitudes that underlie life strategies.
• There are no quick and qualitative changes at the same time. A good result is a result that comes gradually.

Practical advice from a psychologist

Well, in order not to be branded as Captain Obvious, I will share one of these techniques. I assure you that after doing this work and asking yourself a few important questions, you will get an excellent result. No, not a million dollars in the account. Alas. A good base for further work.

Take-Give Exercise

I propose to diagnose their financial settings.

Step 1. You need to give money. Visualize this process in full detail. You can try to give money in real life when you are mentally prepared. It is important to keep track of your feelings and thoughts at the time of parting with money.

Your task:

• Realize how you feel when you intend to give money.
• What do you think at this moment?
• Track feelings, thoughts and body reactions.
• Whom do you choose as the object of your actions?
• How does he or she behave towards you?
• How do they react to your proposal?
• With what feelings do you leave?
• How much money did you give?
• Why so many?

Step 2. Now you need to ask for money.

The algorithm is the same:

• You can do it in real life - great. If not, first create the situation in your imagination.
• Become aware of how you feel and think when you intend to receive money.
• Track feelings, thoughts, and body reactions when asking for money.
• What is the reason why you should be given money? Perhaps there is no reason?
• Whom do you choose as the object of your actions?
• How does he or she behave towards you?
• How much money did you get?
• With what feelings do you leave?

Write down all the phrases, words, insights that come to you during the exercise. This is just a great base for analysis. Yes, these metaphors sometimes have to be deciphered, but in general everything will be very transparent. The unconscious is at work here. It, like a reagent, will manifest your beliefs and attitudes.

I wish you interesting research expeditions to your "I", amazing and useful discoveries. Study yourself. Change thought structures. And every time you want big money, remember that it is not in the bank account. They are in our head