"What If In A Relationship I Only Give?" 4 Tips On How To Learn To Take - Relationship, Sex

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 20:18

Relationships are one of the most important areas of our life. Unfortunately, how to build them is not taught in school. And often there are imbalances, when one partner tries, puts a lot of mental and physical strength, and the other takes it for granted. Why is this happening and what to do?

There may be several reasons

What makes you invest more in your relationship

Fear that if not you, then who?

A clear feeling that if there is no active action on your part, if you do not “give” in such a volume, the relationship will collapse. And this is not at all desirable. Therefore, you do more and more, just to keep your partner close. This situation is reminiscent of a player who is the only one blown for the whole team.

What drives you:

• fear of being alone: you are ready to endure in order to maintain at least some kind of relationship;
• low self-esteem: you consider yourself unworthy of attention and care, so you make every effort to "deserve" them;
• desire to punish yourself: you have been told that you are a bad wife or mother and through hardship you are trying to make amends for the "guilt."

Negative consequences: paired relationships are called so because they are built by two people. If only one invests, while not receiving a response from his half, then this leads to burnout, moral exhaustion, the accumulation of resentment, disappointment and the emergence of various psychosomatic diseases.

I want to earn the love of another

Probably, as a child, you were not praised and pampered just like that, for no reason - and you heard words that are pleasant for each child only after you did something. Thus, the pattern was fixed: in order to receive the attention and love of loved ones, you need to perform certain actions.

What drives you:

• the desire to earn love: you act as you are accustomed to from childhood - and expect a well-deserved reward;
• the desire to prove to yourself and your partner that you are worthy of this relationship;
• the need to be "good" in the eyes of others: you try to endure and not grumble, because "this is the lot of all women."

Negative consequences: loss of faith in oneself and in one's female attractiveness, apathy, depressive states.

Emotional holes

The feeling of emptiness is unbearable for you, so everything in your life is aimed at filling this space. Even crumbs of free time you try to hammer with deeds, pauses in conversations that strain - with words, and detachment - with your initiative.

What drives you:

• lack of self-confidence: you consider it unworthy to live for your own sake and your own interests, so you find sense in immersing yourself as much as possible in the worries of your loved ones;
• the habit of following other people's scenarios: since childhood, you have realized not your own desires, but the ambitions of your parents - doing not what you really like;
• emotional problems: in your family it was not customary to express your emotions, so you are not able to understand what your partner is experiencing - and everything incomprehensible is perceived as a threat; hence the desire to fill in the pauses, since such behavior relieves your anxiety;
• the illusion that your partner will fill the void: you expect that if you give a lot, your other half will do the same, filling the emotional vacuum inside you.

Negative consequences: emotional burnout, neuroses, obsessions, various addictions (alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, etc.) - and hence the natural problems with excess weight, metabolism and health of the body as a whole.

How to stop giving and learn to receive

Imagine getting on a boat with your partner but rowing alone - this is how your desire to invest in a relationship to the maximum is manifested. What will help to form a new model of behavior and "put the second oar" in the hand of your chosen one?

1. Determine where your initiative only gets in the way

Write down a list of situations in which you should not take the initiative. As soon as you feel the urge to take it over again, re-read this list. It helps you understand what habits from your relationship model are repeated over and over again, and understand that if you do not change your behavior, you will constantly row in a boat alone. Do you want this?

2. Give your partner an opportunity to express themselves

Allow your partner to be proactive and proactive and see if they are using the opportunity to contribute to the relationship or ignoring it. It's important to take into account that the relationship can get worse - but it's a rewarding risk: you get time and a reason to think about what's going on in the family. You may find that you simply have nothing to offer each other.

3. Understand if you have your own interests?

Try to give yourself as much attention as you give your partner. When a person has his own goals, plans and dreams, then there is no such excessive activity in a relationship. To do this, ask yourself often:

• What makes me happy?
• What do I want and what can I do from this (right now or in the near future)?
• What emotions would I like to experience more often and how can I give them to myself?

4. Set up communication

The most important component of mutual understanding in a couple and the key to a healthy relationship is an open dialogue. You should not be afraid to talk to each other about your experiences, difficulties and fears - no matter in what area: sex, choosing a country for travel, or your emotional needs.