Table of contents:
- There is no married couple who does not have sexual problems at certain stages of the relationship. Even if the couple is harmonious, there are problems, as well as their solution. They are associated with the difference between men and women in physiology and psyche. We will talk about the main, most typical of them today
- First year. Adaptation
- In two or three years. Living problem
- The crisis is 30 years old. The end of hypersexuality
- Mature years. Boredom
- After 45. A man's role in a woman
- Instead of a conclusion
Video: Sex Problems Are Great! They Strengthen Relationships - Relationship, Sex
There is no married couple who does not have sexual problems at certain stages of the relationship. Even if the couple is harmonious, there are problems, as well as their solution. They are associated with the difference between men and women in physiology and psyche. We will talk about the main, most typical of them today
Smiles. Congratulations. Clinking glasses. Vanity.
- A little, okay? Pressure …
And the eyes are still the same … Blue. Whirlpool. As 50 years ago I got there, I never got out. Fees. Water splash in the sink. Evening. It gets dark late in May. Candles. What are they for? Yes so. Simply.
- You are funny …
Smile. Hand on the back. Nega. Bed.
- I'm a little …
- Nothing! Now …
Fingers on the palm. Fuss. Creaks. Sighs.
- And the children think that we are no longer … Laughter …
First year. Adaptation
The first year of sexual life is held under the motto: "Adaptation". This problem arises in the life of every couple - partners are learning. And how successful this adaptation will be depends only on them.
As a rule, men get married at the age of 23-27. It is during this period that a man is at the peak of his physical sexual form. Moreover, he already has sufficient sexual experience. The euphoria and "drunkenness" of the relationship of the first months of life together does not allow the wife to breathe easy. In the early years, the difference in readiness for sex between partners is significant - a man needs more.
Most women do not have regular sexual relations before marriage. (Exceptions are couples who have been dating for a long time and know each other very well). A woman may be afraid of something and not guess about something. She does not yet know the optimal way for her to orgasm. She cannot tell and show her partner what needs to be done, is embarrassed or simply does not understand what is best for her.
The man during this period is the initiator. It is he who launches the sexuality of a woman into orbit, it depends on him whether his wife has an orgasm or a headache in the morning. This is helped by joint experimentation with changing positions, the nature of weasels, the situation and the time of day.
Moreover, in a relationship of the first year, in most cases, there is romance. Newlyweds are always easy to identify: caresses, kisses, hugs in public and in private. All this, it would seem, should stimulate quality sex. But this is not always the case. If the male partner pays too much attention to petting, the sexual desire of the partner, oddly enough, can begin to fade. How long can you mark time? Petting is short and insignificant, and again the problem is that the partner is perplexed: “Is that all? What was it?".
The ability to adhere to the golden mean, to switch from caresses to the main action on the part of a man in time, the ability to speak, explain and analyze your body, to be active on the part of a woman is the key to successfully solving sexual problems in the first year of life together.
In two or three years. Living problem
A year or two passes, and the woman becomes pregnant. For objective reasons, she begins to refuse intimate relationships. Regular sex often becomes impossible. In the first two months, he can provoke a miscarriage, in the last two - premature birth. And in two postpartum months - sex is prohibited by gynecologists because of possible complications. And in this situation, the most important thing is not to lose sexual optimism, the desire to seek and find alternative ways of satisfaction (the same petting, oral sex). If the spouse (or spouse) is too tight, restrained, then the sexual intensity decreases.
Another problem present in this period is associated with a change in the physical forms of a woman. The difference between waist and hips (one of the main sexual stimuli) disappears. The woman becomes complex, becomes more passive and vulnerable. It is worth remembering that in the first years, in the wake of love and passion (3-5 years of married life), a man does not notice the physical disabilities of his wife. He is still fascinated by her.
Male passion often cools down if pregnancy is late, there is too much talk about a possible child or, due to character traits and circumstances, a man is against a possible offspring.
After giving birth, the man is in a very difficult situation. The idol of the family in this period is the child. He is god and king. The wife is his priestess, and the man can fall out of the context of the family. This especially threatens those families in which the man is often pushed away from the child (“you can't handle it,” “you drop it,” “it's not a man’s business”). In such a situation, even a long-awaited son or daughter becomes an alien object for dad, an enemy that weakened his sexual positions and brought discord into the family idyll. Against the background of such a relationship, love disappears.
In cases where the problem is solved, a precious experience appears that will allow the couple to painlessly survive the second and all subsequent pregnancies. This completes the period of full adaptation.
The crisis is 30 years old. The end of hypersexuality
At the age of about 30, a man leaves the period of hypersexuality. Sex becomes less frequent (2-3 times a week) and stereotyped. The man is already sexually savvy and does not go the long way to orgasm.
Often the crisis of 30 years coincides with the end of the period of falling in love (the first 3-5 years of marriage). Nature comes to the aid of the wife, who is no longer such an attractive object for her husband. It is at this age, as studies have shown, that the level of testosterone (male hormone) decreases. There is every reason to believe that it is the drop in testosterone that regulates marital fidelity. We inherited this mechanism from herd animals. While the cub is unable to take care of itself on its own, the male should be attached to the offspring and the female. The phenomenon was tracked experimentally. The swans, whose loyalty became the adage, were injected with testosterone. As a result, the previously loyal swan looked at other females and did not observe its loyalty.
A woman, on the other hand, having given birth to a child, having dealt with emotional problems, after the age of 30 begins to taste. She tries to diversify sex, and her husband is only capable of short emotional outbursts. Because of this, frequent quarrels and conflicts can arise in the family, followed by sexual revival. But there are other factors that can spice up your sex life and add variety to it. These are joint trips, unusual adventures, a sudden change of scenery.
If this is not the case, the family boat, as the poet said, breaks down on everyday life. Routine, lack of new impressions creates conflict and dissonance in sexual relations. Mature marriages break down exclusively on such a "quiet" life.
Mature years. Boredom
Currently, pre-existing family conflicts and problems have ceased to be relevant. Children are now approached with great responsibility, and if a couple has already decided on a child, then this, as a rule, is a serious reason to be together. Sexual problems associated with the fear of getting pregnant again are perfectly regulated by modern contraception.
The only problem that has worsened in recent years and is present in a large percentage of modern mature families is boredom and routine, both in life itself and in sexual relations. The question "How can one learn to live without falling in love and grow old together?" is solved extremely unsuccessfully.
At the age of 33-35, a man rises to a high professional level. He already represents something of himself at work, he is respected, young girls are staring at him. He understands his significance, and from a page, to which his beloved is already so accustomed, he turns, if not into a master, then into an equal.
He does not need to cheat, but the wife may be jealous and afraid of a possible extraneous connection.
If a woman during this period begins to make claims, does not understand the new position of her husband, he may have outbursts in love, and their object will no longer be the wife.
So, routine on the one hand, dissatisfaction with the state of affairs on the other, claims and reproaches - all this can lead to betrayal and even leaving the family.
If a wife understands new realities, the spouses have time and opportunities to diversify their lives, no one will know about infidelity, family and sex life enters into a calm channel. After that, perhaps 10-15 years of calm, normal relationships built on understanding and support. A system of relationships is being developed that is not characteristic of early marriages: not falling in love, but the value of another, not passion, but respect. This is a new organizational and conscious level of life for a couple.
After 45. A man's role in a woman
At the age of 40-45, a man experiences sexual involution, it is also a male climax. A man is no longer always ready for sexual intercourse.
In a third of women after menopause, sexuality increases, in another third it remains unchanged. All this happens because after climacteric changes the level of female hormones decreases and the level of male hormones increases. The antennae can break through, a certain masculinity will appear. It is during this period that a woman experiences sexual hunger much stronger. Rational behavior of this age is a kind of role reversal. A woman should bring her partner's sexuality into orbit, and the initiative for sex should also arise on her part.
If she retains the female passivity and monotony of sex, tries to solve sexual problems through frequent parting, various leisure activities (“we will miss and have sex”), the opposite reaction occurs. The man is finally disillusioned with his constant partner and goes all out.
In this case, next to him is a young partner, much more accommodating and willing to do anything for the sake of a successful man.
A young woman in such a relationship realizes the Electra complex, while a man acquires a rare opportunity to raise a young girl "for himself" and compensate for his own weakness due to the seething young blood.
At this age, the loss of interest in married life is very high: illness; I don't want to invent and invent something; and it is stupid after so many years of marriage! This is how a catastrophe happens: from different beds to different rooms, from different leisure activities to a separate life.
Instead of a conclusion
Sexual problems are always present in all people. In this article, we have given only the main ones concerning the sex difference between men and women. But there are a lot of individuals: two families under one roof, different interventions from the parents, different upbringing style, different nationalities! Problems exist to be solved. This is the school of life. That is why our article is called "The problem with sex is great!"
Not sexual problems in themselves are good, but the ability to solve them, to act together, to negotiate - in a word, to learn family life, to work on it. Sex, like a thermometer, shows whether everything is in order in your relationship, whether you are comfortable with such a temperature.
As the saying goes: “What needs to be done to make the family fall apart? Nothing! And it will fall apart by itself”… Go for it!