Extra People Over 50. Five Key Factors Of Subjective Well-being - Self-development, Society

In the Russian literature of the 19th century, a whole gallery of "superfluous people" was created, suffering from the inability to find their place in life. Such a character was usually a young man who received a good education and well-off. But at the same time, he never found his calling and does not have his own business

Russian blues

The "superfluous person" lives in the eternal rift between dreams of an ideal world and observations of an unsightly reality. Deep in his soul, he is "for all good", in words a skeptic and a cynic, but in reality he is passive and indifferent. Since he does not have his own business, he spends most of his life in idleness and moping. Attempts to dispel boredom are usually destructive (alcohol, gambling, dueling).

Boredom has a particularly destructive effect on close relationships when calm joint happiness is no longer enough, but "thrills" are needed. The "superfluous person" provokes conflicts over trifles, arranges a noisy showdown.

At first glance, emotional swings (first we swear, then we put up) seem to help get rid of boredom. But in fact, such a "swing" destroys even the most lasting love and friendship. In the books, the "extra person" inevitably loses his love / friendship and remains alone. Unfortunately, “extra people” are not just literature, they are today's reality. Only the character itself has changed a little: usually this is a man in his early 50s, who retired early (military, police, transport).

He is still quite able to work and full of energy, but it is almost impossible to find a job at that age (and military specialties are of little demand in civilian life). He has no hobbies / hobbies; the grown-up children left for other cities; the country house was built long ago. As one retired lieutenant colonel said during the consultation, “I have already completed the program - I have built a house, raised my son, planted a tree, and served my Motherland. What to do now - I can't imagine! At least lie down and die …"

Sometimes there are “simple” everyday solutions. Someone finds a solution in alcohol and sooner or later gets drunk. Someone ("gray hair in a beard, devil in a rib") is looking for love adventures, and in some cases even creates a new family. Moreover, the new relationship is not better than the previous one, but at least some kind of "movement" allows at least a little to dispel boredom.

Those who are not helped by everyday decisions end up at a psychologist's appointment with the eternal question: "What to do?" How to find yourself after fifty? How to get rid of dissatisfaction with yourself and life? How to fill the void? Is it possible to start a new life and how to do it?

Of course, the answers to these questions are individual; you can search for them in different ways. I want to suggest one such way, originally developed by Martin Seligman, the founding father of positive psychology. Seligman identified five key factors of subjective well-being: positive emotions, meaning, involvement, relationships with others, and achievement. Let's take a closer look at each of the five factors.

5 key factors in subjective well-being

1. Positive emotions

The simplest thing that can be opposed to boredom is an interesting life filled with vivid impressions and positive experiences. But two important conditions must be met.

Firstly, vivid impressions will not appear in your life by themselves. They must be able to find or create on their own. To do this, you need to be active, follow your curiosity and use every opportunity to gain new experiences. It is necessary to apply the “taster's approach” to life - strive to try, experience everything, everything that seems at least a little attractive and interesting. If you are as open as possible to new impressions, then among them there will certainly be those that will delight you and return your taste for life, relieving boredom.

Secondly, positive emotions depend not so much on external events as on ourselves. We experience positive emotions exactly as much as we ourselves want and are ready for it ourselves. This is our inner attitude, which can turn a person into either a “collector of grievances and disappointments” or a “hunter of joy”. Purposefully look for something good in the world, and the world will definitely respond!

2. Meaning

This is what we live and act for, we do purposeful actions. Meaning is associated with our values and is always outside of a person. We live meaningful lives when we do something that transcends our selfish concerns and problems.

The meaning can be our job, profession, occupation and the benefits that we bring to people. The meaning can be the well-being and happiness of people close to us. The meaning can be social activity, service to other people. There are many ways to make sense, but you should always start with the questions: "What can I give to other people?", "What can I do of value for the world (not for myself)?", "How can I do this?"

3. Engagement

This is the ability to immerse yourself in what you love so much that you stop noticing everything around you. Another name for engagement is the “state of flow,” in which we are completely absorbed in what we are doing, enjoy the process and, as a rule, achieve high results.

But how do you enter the "flow state"? A "flow" occurs if the task facing us has an average level of complexity for us and arouses high interest. If the task is too simple, it is boring; too difficult will cause negative emotions (doubts, fear, etc.). If the problem is not very interesting, we basically don’t want to solve it.

To be involved “in life”, one must be able to find such life tasks for oneself that will be interesting, moderately difficult, and challenging. There is a little trick here: we usually cannot influence the level of interest, but we can choose the level of difficulty of the task ourselves. Therefore, if suddenly it becomes boring, then the first thing to do is to complicate what you love to do. Try to reach a new level, surprise yourself - and you will probably forget about boredom!

4. Relationships

The central problem of modern "extra people" is loneliness. Somewhere for objective reasons (there is no work and communication with colleagues, children leave for other cities, friends and relatives die, etc.), somewhere because of their own stupidity (provoking conflicts "out of the blue", breaking up relations), but all the "extra people" are characterized by a chronic deficit of social ties.

There are many studies that even brain health (at the neural level) depends on a person's full involvement in society. Relationships with other people and regular communication are also important for maintaining good health (bodily and mental).

There is only one way out of loneliness - to go to people! It is useless to wait for you to form some kind of social circle by itself and to have a queue of people wishing to become friends. “Going to people” means that you need to find some kind of joint activity where you will have the opportunity to find associates, communicate with them regularly, and, perhaps, with some of these people you will develop closer relationships (friendships, loving and etc.). The easiest way is to find a “hangout with your interests”.

There are many options here: sports clubs, collectors' communities, volunteer associations. Even if, at first glance, you are "not interested", try to join this group of people. Interest may appear later, as you become involved in communication and joint activities.

5. Achievements

It is obvious that achievements motivate young people to a greater extent. Many of those over 50 often reason like this: “I have already achieved everything I wanted in my life. What else should I strive for now? " At the same time, the majority understands "achievements" as something large-scale, outstanding. For example, building your own house or buying a car.

But in reality, "achievements" are any tangible results of our activities that we have planned in advance. For example, suppose you planned to go to the store today for groceries, you have successfully implemented the planned - this will be an "achievement".

We do not need any achievements for the sake of glory, and that is why their scale is not important. Results are needed to make us feel like we are in control of our own lives. The more achievements we have, the more we are confident in our strengths and capabilities. And the more confidence in your abilities, the more chances you have to change your own life for the better.

The best cure for boredom for "extra people" would be a regular daily planner in which they can plan their day. If every day they achieve at least some of the planned results (from small to large), boredom will recede, and satisfaction with themselves and their lives will significantly increase.

Don't want to feel like a "superfluous person"? Do the following:

1. Look for the joys in life and be able to enjoy the little things.
2. Find your meaning in life - live for something that is more and more valuable than you.
3. Choose feasible life tasks, the solution of which will help you feel the "flow".
4. Chat! Go to people, meet people, build new relationships.
5. Take control of your life: achieve what you plan (scale doesn't matter).