What Is The Hidden Meaning Of Sexual Fantasies - Self-development, Sex

What are your sexual fantasies talking about? Why do you want this? How does the choice of those "adult" films that you watch characterize your attraction and you personally? The answers to these and many other questions regarding your sexuality can be obtained by understanding the hidden meaning of your sexual fantasies. What remains behind the scenes of your imagination, what is implicit and not readable even between the lines. And how curious it turns out that very often fantasies with a clearly sexual plot are not sexual, but serve another, your inner, unconscious goal.

But enough theory, let's look at an example, in great detail, the interpretation of two sexual fantasies, a woman and a man. Here I am citing excerpts from my book Psychoanalysis of Sexual Fantasies.

First fantasy, female

“I want to go to the park, which is patrolled by the mounted police. Find a reason why a police officer will stop me, be rude to him. The policeman, without dismounting, lifts me up and seats me on the horse's back. We have passionate sex with elements of coercion on his part. The horse walks slowly through the park, not noticing us on it. Her movements are rhythmic and swaying. And then I fall asleep in the arms of the policeman, feeling the strength of his embrace and the warmth of the horse's back.

This fantasy can be interpreted unequivocally, Polina *, my client, told me it. The most mysterious element of the fantasy was the horse. It was necessary to find out what exactly Polina associates with a horse. The girl said that “it is a stationary object, and it seems to be inanimate, although warm. On it you can fall asleep under the measured motion sickness. " That is, a horse is a baby's cradle. Why did Polina introduce the cradle as an animal? Perhaps this is due to the warmth of the horse's body. And warmth for the unconscious is not only a physical sensation. It is also an emotional component. We all know that for a child his cradle is a place where it is cozy, comfortable and safe. And how sweet you can fall asleep when your mom (a strong policeman) rocks you.

Why did mom in fantasy appear as a police officer? In a situation of serious conflict with her mother, the girl refuses to identify with the mother's figure, unconsciously considering her to be dangerous. A negative transference directed at the mother is projected onto all women, especially with those who are somewhat like a mother. This deprives the girl of the opportunity to identify with other women, and this process is carried out through men. The girl begins to look for the image of a mother in men. The client has long been in conflict with her directive mother. This fact of the biography was reflected in the fantasy - to provoke a police officer, to enter into a passionate sexual intercourse with him with elements of compulsion.

Now we can read the patient's fantasy as follows: "I want my mother to take me in her arms and then rock me in the cradle." Outwardly, sexual fantasy is not really such.

Fantasy the second, male

“I'm in the men's sauna. Suddenly a woman comes in, wearing only a towel. Without any embarrassment, she throws it off and lies on her back. For a while she lies in silence, enjoying the effect produced. Men react in different ways: someone is embarrassed and confused, someone looks at her with interest, and some have an erection. Then the woman sits down and addresses everyone: “I want sex. Who is first?" My neighbor comes up to her, they hug. Then they have sex in full view of everyone. Then a second man joins in. “And now I want four at once,” the stranger declares. An orgy begins, led by a woman. She behaves like an insatiable female. When everything ends, she leaves first, just as silently as she came."

In this fantasy, the woman takes an active role. She is the initiator, she declares her desires without hesitation. He does not seduce passively, which is typical for female sexuality, but behaves like a man - he directly offers to have sex. In real life, such women are rare. Why does a man fantasize about the image of an insatiable female? What is the psychotype of this man? The emergence of such a fantasy can be explained by an unconscious desire to legalize one's “castration”.

At the phallic stage of psychosexual development, the boy begins to experience an erotic attraction to his mother and hostile feelings towards his father, with whom he is in competition. The father is bigger, stronger, the son can perceive him as an aggressor. This can lead to a fear of castration: "Dad will cut off my penis because I am competing with him for Mom's attention." This is one of the scenarios for psychological castration. It also happens that the father does not have a negative impact on the psychosexual development of his son, but castrates his mother. The mother can also do this, for example, by infantilizing her son, forbidding him to express anger or pretending to be a "fragile vase."

It is easier for this man to contact an active woman who is ready for sex from the very first second. While the passive behavior of a woman scares him, he may feel discomfort, since he is not used to being active. In this example, we also see a violation of identity - a person does not have enough confidence, masculine strength, internal aggression to be actively proactive. His gender is weakened.

In conclusion, I will say that there are no universal interpretations. You can unambiguously understand the meaning of a fantasy by working with it in a therapeutic space.

What are you fantasizing about?

* The name in the article is fictitious.