Is It Always Overweight? Where Does It Come From? Part 2 - The Quality Of Life

The girl was thin and fragile, and her man was large and large, and, as they like to say now, toxic. He humiliated her and did not value her. Only recently, years after the divorce, the girl realized that in those days she gained a lot of weight in order to take her ex-husband literally physically, as well as psychologically. Her phrase "I was afraid that he would crush me" had to do not only with the body, but also with the psyche. Feeling its defenselessness in front of him and not being able then to build healthy psychological boundaries, the body thus tried to protect the girl literally with itself.

See also: Is overweight always overweight. Where does it come from? Part 1

If you really start to pay attention to what is happening around you and to you, at the moment when you rush to food, or maybe not, but the weight for some reason increases, then most likely you will notice the same type of situations after overeating, weight gain. Boredom, fear, self-flagellation, inner instability, insecurity, anger. And then the body can try to ground you through food, to calm you down, but the fact is that this is an unhealthy way of grounding. As with alcoholism, a person creates the illusion that everything has become better, but the fact of the matter is that this is an illusion, and real problems are not being solved, and as time goes on, the problems get worse and accumulate.

Once you learn to build healthier boundaries, your body doesn't need to literally build them with your body, you don't need to create literal weight. If you work on self-esteem, acceptance of yourself, your needs, learn to express feelings ecologically, then the level of anxiety will decrease, and the body will no longer need to surround itself with a layer of security.

Severe diets only increase the level of anxiety, which, in turn, is a breeding ground for overeating. In the first part of this article, we looked at physical, emotional and sexual abuse as causes of weight gain. Below we will analyze self-esteem and overcontrol.

Super control

People who have experienced trauma or traumatic development are characterized by anxiety, which leads to a desire to control everything. Because lack of control is scary, not safe. Controlling at least your weight - this gives the illusion of control, control over your life. This also includes controlling what you eat. For example, checking the usefulness of products. Unfortunately, the underlying cause of this control is often the fear of getting sick, getting old, or dying. And not the natural intuitive desire of the physical body for the food that it needs. Yes, it is usually clean, healthy food. But while the diet looks similar, the reasons for this healthy diet are different. In the first case - fear, in the second - a sense of life, a good feeling of oneself, one's needs and one's body. And the most important difference is the lack of that very control. Everything happens naturally. And the more control, the more stress, the more bouts of overeating. Vicious circle. Learning to truly feel your body, treat it as a partner, and not as a consumer will be one of the ways to work with the causes, and not with the symptom.

I am valuable

It is very important to research the topic of self-worth and self-worth. Often people who are overweight do not love and accept themselves so much that they are not ready to take care of themselves, deep down they do not seem to have the right to this, as if they did not deserve it. It is a luxury for them, whereas in reality it is a person's responsibility to take care of themselves.

There are a lot of points in our self-assessment:

• abilities, qualities,
• system of values,
• character,
• achievements,
• education, intelligence,
• sense of humor,
• external data and much more.

External data is just one item. But for some reason, in people with eating disorders, it seems to be the only one. All self-esteem rests on appearance, and if there is a couple of "extra" pounds, then this fragile world collapses, a person writes himself as a failure. From this image, he chooses for himself food, clothing, work, partners, environment. “I’ll lose weight and improve my personal life, make friends, go to dances, enjoy life, change my wardrobe…” The list goes on and on. As it is written in the book "Intuitive Nutrition" by Svetlana Bronnikova, the fight against "excess" weight is the most effective way to put off life for later.

“Problems with eating behavior are always a 'sign' behind which deeper life problems are hidden. While repairing the facade, we do not make the building stronger and more attractive for residents - looking inside and seeing there is devastation and dead mice, they will leave the house in fear. Revealing and working through the internal conflicts “stored” in us since childhood is a large-scale and difficult task that can be solved when you have the resources for this: strength, time, motivation."

From the book "Intuitive Nutrition" by Svetlana Bronnikova