5 Dangerous Mistakes In The Movie "50 Shades Of Gray". Why This Is Not BDSM - Relationship, Sex

The romance of boundless financial success, a traumatized childhood, the desire to control the beloved - hello, Mr. Gray (though not Dorian, but Christian). And congratulations on the rebranding, Mr. Edward Cullen. The film "50 Shades of Gray" has contributed to the popularization of the BDSM theme (or simply "Themes"), while significantly inverting and distorting the basic principles of the direction

"Shades" were not the first, before them there were "Story O", "Secretary", much more subtle psychologically, and many other films. But it was "Shades" that it turned out to be possible to show in cinemas, despite the frank confusion of Theme and violence. After the release of the film, sales of themed accessories increased. Fifty Shades of Gray began to sound like a favorite book. Why the proposed relationship does not apply to the Topic and how dangerous it is, it is really worth understanding.

The topic is related to the principles of safety, reasonableness, voluntariness (BDR), with full information. Since dominance implies taking responsibility for the state of another (physical and psychological), taking care of him.

5 dangerous mistakes

1. Goodbye informing

Anastacia never knows how everything will end for her, she wants a romantic relationship and is ready for any form of it in order to keep her boyfriend in her life. In fact, she gives up her opinions and desires for fear of losing her man. Informing replaces the phrase “trust me”. Although even for an established couple, the level of “trust” means a good knowledge of each other, reactions and preferences - that is, in fact, information is the entire experience of previous relationships in a BDSM couple. In "Shades" instead of informing - blind faith to the first comer.

2. Goodbye voluntariness

In the film, there is a contract describing the relationship of dominance-submission, which fully stipulates the boundaries of what is permissible, as well as Anastacia's nutrition and contraception. But the physical relationship begins before the contract is signed. In response to doubts about the desire to sign a document of this kind and an attempt to end the relationship, persuasion and invasion of living space follow. Gray generally constantly violates the personal boundaries of the heroine: he ends up in her apartment, he sells her car without telling her, tries to limit her travels. One gets the feeling that Nastya herself has no personal boundaries, they are not built in her, they are easily permeable. Instead of voluntariness - get coercion and persuasion, the threat of ending the relationship: "I do not accept other relationships."

3. Goodbye to intelligence

Our heroine gets drunk in a bar, allows an unfamiliar man to take herself to his house, while none of her friends is looking for her. The story of 15 women who lived in Gray's apartment before her does not scare her. She is in love and ready to become number 16 in the collection. Instead of a healthy instinct for self-preservation, there are tendencies of self-destruction. Sex in Nastya's life is not a product of her decision or a deliberate, balanced choice, rather, it just happens to her.

4. Goodbye Security

We will miss you especially. Thematic relationship involves caring for a partner. To do this, the couple uses a "traffic light" (green - yes; yellow - careful; red - stop) to make it easier to track the partner's condition. In practices where the partner cannot name the color, the dominant closely monitors the partner's emotions, creating a "zone of comfort and pleasure" for him (unless otherwise specified in the discussion of boundaries). Fear and discomfort means stopping immediately. There are techniques that are specially trained to comply with the safety requirement, since some impacts may have delayed negative consequences. Instead of paying attention to the state of the partner - Gray's desire to bring the planned manipulations to the end (spanking), although the heroine experiences only pain and fear. Direction of thought “I will tie her / him and do everythingwhatever I want”is not about the Topic, but about violence, illegal behavior.

5. Goodbye thematic cycle

There are two behavioral circles, one typical for BDSM, the other for destructive relationships.

• Topic: communication - consent - session / game - taking care of the partner after the session - feedback.
• Violence: planning - preparation - violence - guilt - excuses - "honeymoon" (a period of love and care).

The film fits perfectly into the cycle of violence interspersed with flights, piano, luxurious gifts. There is no theme cycle as such in the film.

Any experimentation in sexual practices is permissible with the mutual consent of the adult partners. Whether BDSM is a psychological relief, a way to add thrill to gray everyday life, to play out children's emotions, in each case the reasons for turning to this direction will be individual. For some, the Theme becomes an unusual experience, for some it becomes a way of life, a form of relationship. Whatever your experiments, keep them safe above all else.

Thanks to the topics who helped in the preparation of the article for their candid answers to questions and interest in the study.