What To Do With Dad? How To Help Your Husband After Giving Birth - Relations

In nature, there are rather sad examples of the development of events after replenishment in the family: the female praying mantis does not have to worry about the relationship, because she bites off the male's head even during mating and eats him up after the love act. Fortunately, women do not treat their men so cruelly, but some dads of human babies have a hard time

It would seem that months of pregnancy with toxicosis, heartburn and heaviness in the back and legs, painful childbirth and the "delights" of establishing breastfeeding are not familiar to them. So what are they complaining about? After the birth of a baby, even the happiest father expects that the whims of his wife will be left behind, and another hormonal storm covers her. New conflicts flare up in the family. Men lack attention, warmth and sex, as well as an understanding of what is happening and when it will all end.

And women don't understand husbands. Many push partners into the background, believing that they, unlike the child, are able to take care of themselves. Moms go headlong into education, read books, attend courses, attend early development classes, but they forget about fathers.

Indeed, the most important thing now for a mother is taking care of the baby. Only here is the guarantee of her well-being and the well-being of the child - healthy relationships with others and, first of all, with his father. Suffice it to recall that both parents are important for the baby, and their behavior is the main model for him.

Forewarned is forearmed

It is necessary to prepare for the coming crisis in relationships even during pregnancy. Practice shows that the more optimistic the expectations of the couple before the birth of the child, the more disappointment befell them after. If the future dad understands that at first it will not be easy, that he will need help and partial abandonment of his own interests, he will behave accordingly. Take special courses, visit friends who have successfully passed the parenting test, and do not forget that all these difficulties are temporary.

Together again

It's okay if you leave your baby with your grandmother and go to the movies or watch a movie at home while putting your baby to bed. Have a romantic evening for the two of you at least once a week. Delicious food, beautiful attire and the appropriate attitude are required. Try to take a minute every day for your husband to have a cup of tea together and learn about his business.

Don't just talk about the baby. Remember that you have other interests as well. Insert an affectionate word in between, give a gentle touch by chance, and also try to be more tolerant and not overwhelm him with reproaches. He, like you, is only mastering a new "profession".

Through "I do not want"

When I receive letters from young mothers, I notice that they are bewildered by their decreased libido: “During pregnancy we had such a passion, and now I sleep with my husband through“I don’t want to””. There are many reasons for this. The hormone prolactin, which is responsible for breastfeeding, suppresses estrogen production, and the desire to spend the night in the ardent arms of her husband disappears. Complexes due to changes in your own body prevent you from relaxing, and severe fatigue works better than any sleeping pill.

But this does not mean that you need to evict your husband to the next room. Perhaps the problems are related to the already arising tension in the relationship. Look for inspiration, fantasize, tune in to the right mood and ask a man to help you with this. A few hours of rest, a few minutes of massage, a couple of compliments - and the hormones will surrender.

For many women, self-care helps bring passion back into a relationship. Moderate physical activity, walks in the fresh air, neat hairstyle, light makeup and beautiful home clothes will boost your mood and self-esteem. Feeling at their best, rediscovering the woman in themselves, mothers shift their attention from the child to the husband

First mate

Ask for help, and ask correctly! “Will you even get off the couch ?! I run all day as if stung, I do not sleep at night and I will not sit down during the day. Go wipe the dust! " - the wife growls affectionately. What man, after this monologue, will go to wipe the dust? Rare.

The appeal will be much more effective: “Dear, I know that you also want to rest, but I am very tired. Please help me with the cleaning or look after the child, and then I will cook something tasty for us. " Still, asking for help compares favorably with being accused of not having it. Your goal is support, not another fight, and even if the claims are fair, a benevolent tone is preferable.

Signs of depression

Are you far from the happiest young mother? It is worth checking to see if you have postpartum depression. Here are its signs:

• increased tearfulness;
• inadequate reaction to the crying of the child and alienation from him;
• aversion to sex;
• aggression towards others;
• feeling of helplessness, insecurity, hopelessness;
• thoughts of suicide.

If most of the symptoms are present, be sure to seek the help of a specialist. You can't joke with this, since mom's depression ruins not only her life. This condition has a very negative effect on the health and development of the baby, as well as on the relationship with the spouse.

A simple secret like that

Many psychologists, pediatricians and experienced parents will agree that the main secret of family happiness is actively involving the dad in caring for the child. It is desirable that the father of the family know how to put the child to bed, change clothes, change the diaper. Entrust the little child to the Pope, providing him with detailed instructions "for use", and finally take a bath yourself. If something goes wrong, they will definitely let you know.

Why strain your husband, who is already tired after work? Firstly, it is important for establishing a paternal bond and awakening parental instinct, and secondly, dad will be able to try what it is like to “stay at home all day” with a child. And everything falls into place: mom's mood will rise, relations will improve, and dad will understand that he is still needed … and how!

The birth of a baby, contrary to popular belief, is not only great happiness, but also a real test for the family. If the couple goes through this test, then they become stronger, if not, they break up. Divorce statistics after replenishment in the family does not inspire optimism, but everything, as they say, is in our hands