White Coat. Why Is Everything The Best - Self-development, Society

On the vast expanses of the Internet, and in real life, each of us regularly encounters the phenomenon of the "white coat". This meme grew out of the picture with Valeria Novodvorskaya with the poster “You are all fools and do not heal! I alone am smart in a white coat, I stand beautiful! " The phrase went viral among the populace and turned into a kind of funny behavioral diagnosis

I'm not like that

“To put on a white coat” means to condemn another person from a position from above and at the same time directly or indirectly indicate that the wearer of a white coat is, well, not at all like that, never was and never will be. And also his children, grandchildren and pets will never be like that.

The prevalence of the phenomenon is simply striking in its scale. In any, even the most neutral topic, there are certainly a couple of people who sincerely believe that their personal podium is located right here. And invaluable information about their perfection should be immediately conveyed to all spectators and bystanders.

Looking to show off a vintage second-hand dress? Wait for a comment in the spirit of "I would never wear second-hand clothes!" Complain that the child does not fall asleep for a long time? “But we immediately had a regime, and only head to the pillow!” Do you smoke and wonder how to quit? "But I've never smoked and I don't understand why start at all."

In especially difficult cases, a white coat not only declares its infallibility, but also stigmatizes a neighbor who does not possess such incredible virtues, high moral values and fortitude

“Fat people are all lazy and eat as if not into themselves. I was counting calories and lost two sizes in a week."

“Smokers simply don’t have the willpower, I just threw out the pack one morning and haven’t smoked for 15 years.”

“Only infantiles live with their mother after 18, but I left home at the age of 16 and earned my own rent.”

“Husbands leave lazy wives! There is no need to run yourself up and dilute the dirt. I always have order at home, comfort, and I have makeup and heels. And the husband doesn't even look to the left!"

Sound familiar? This is the white-coat classic

There is also a truncated form, when only the scourging of other people's vices is used, and one's own complete freedom from them is implied, but not spoken out in plain text.

“I don’t understand how you can forgive treason ?! »Well, you realized, yes, that the author of the comment would obviously not forgive anyone for any betrayal, he would not feel sadness at parting, but would have made an adult decision and would not have doubted it for a minute.

"And there is nothing to hang around in short skirts at night, and there would be less rape." It is also obvious to you that the author of the text himself will not get into such a terrifying combination of life factors as a skirt shorter than the knee and a languid evening? Because he's smarter.

White coats are generally always smarter, better, more perspicacious and wiser than mere mortals. Globally and in detail

And they know exactly, absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, how to do it right. And they will definitely tell you, regardless of whether you want to hear it or not.

Soul-saving myths

So where do the very psychological legs of this irrepressible desire to wave boiling clothes in front of simple, less infallible citizens grow from? After all, the "white coat" is not just an annoying feature of commentators and other "mimocrocodiles", it is indeed a psychological phenomenon worthy of consideration and study.

In fact, the answer, as usual, is not so simple, and it would be wrong to reduce it to the hopeless stupidity of the wearers of the notorious coat. In my opinion, we can talk about a whole complex of factors that shape such behavior.

1. Self-assessment

To be more precise, unstable self-esteem, requiring continuous reinforcement from the outside for more or less successful functioning. At least from their own side.

It works as follows. We cannot not compare ourselves with others at all, since creatures are still social. In an ideal situation, you are comparing yourself to yourself, but, say, a year ago. Or yesterday. That is, you did exercises for two days - and now you have been like a fellow for two days.

A less healthy, but quite workable way is to compare yourself with those who are better than you and improve by looking in their direction. It is fraught with neuroticism, but it is safe and not offensive to others.

And it’s quite sad when, in order to maintain self-esteem afloat, you need to compare yourself with someone who is worse. And if it is also unstable, then confirmation that there are those against whose background you are quite good for yourself are needed continuously. And consequently, the surrounding world is constantly monitored for an object with whom to compare itself in its favor. Well, at least in something. So do not be offended by them, this is not because of great happiness and self-confidence.

2. Belief in a just world

This is such a cognitive distortion that, in general, is quite beneficial for the psyche of its host. This soul-saving myth is based on the idea that all evil in the world happens to those who deserve it. They stole a wallet - a gap. If you are overweight, you eat at night, and nothing else but fat. The son went to jail - his parents were poorly educated. Husband beats - where she looked before. Doesn't pay alimony - there was nothing to marry such a goon.

This is a collection of such simple and clear explanations. Bad things happen to those who are not attentive enough, smart, careful. Every effect must always have a cause. Evil does not happen by chance, and the one who brought it on himself just did something wrong. Or he himself is not like that.

And everyone wants to believe that this will not happen to him. He will notice the thief. Recognizes a psychopath. Will not enter an elevator with a suspicious stranger. Will not overeat. And also will master the wonderful ability to recognize the scum in the crowd.

Because if you admit that under different circumstances evil could happen to you too, it will be very scary to live. But if you overshadow yourself with the protective prayer "But my husband is not like that" and so on, then you can get a pleasant illusion of security. And here a third factor appears on the scene, which is closely related to both the illusion of a just world and the white coat.

3. Blaming the victim

Or "it's her own fault." Directly correlates with the previous point, and just as often provokes the appearance of "bright men" in the arena. Anyone who read the comments on the web on popular entries under the tag "I'm afraid to say" saw there fluttering in the wind white clothes of women with whom "this has never happened" and surrounded by normal healthy men, fathers, brothers, neighbors and acquaintances. Because she is an adequate reasonable woman and does not get into dangerous situations.

And those who put their hand under the skirt wear too short skirts. And women are beaten by those who like it. Otherwise they would have left. Supporters of this opinion would definitely leave, because they don't like this. And whoever likes, they beat him. These are the economy of thinking, simple explanations of difficult and terrible things.

And while a person condemns and is indignant, censures the weak and the hindsight, he feels a) safe, because he is not like that, and b) beautiful, perfect and right in everything. This can be understood in order not to stand in the position of a white coat in relation to a white coat, no matter how tautological it may sound. Although in the case of retraumatization of victims of violence, understanding is much more difficult, because here this form of psychological self-defense becomes dangerous for others.

It's time to change your wardrobe

A white coat is not very useful for the wearers of this outerwear themselves. More precisely, for their personal growth and ability to reflect. Because if you are great everywhere and good all around, why do you need to develop yourself? And for your own safety, this is also harmful.

Because, blaming the other for his troubles and boasting that “but with me”, you do not automatically find yourself “in the house”. You live in a world that is not always fair and often unfairly cruel. And this is not something that needs to be constantly remembered (here it is not far from paranoia), but it is worth keeping in mind.

And in case of the appearance of white coats of one degree or another within your life, you can use a few simple tricks. The most obvious one is to ignore. For aesthetes - ask: "Don't you shake, my dear?" For thin trolls - sincere gratitude, coupled with assurances that now you have understood everything and will go through life easily, guided by such a wonderful role model.

For situations where the above is not suitable, because it is, for example, your mother and you cannot ruin your relationship with her for one reason or another, it is better to use a neutral "Yeah, okay, will you have tea?" Because sometimes it's too late, and sometimes it's useless to deprive other people of their pleasant illusions.

But you should regularly think about your own. And sometimes you catch yourself wanting to give an example of the only correct approach to the life of your beloved. And at least sometimes stop yourself