"I Hate You, Just Don't Leave Me!" Borderline Persons And How To Understand Them - Relationships, Reviews

The diagnosis of borderline personality disorder is relatively new. In the past, doctors used the term "borderline" as a generic term for patients who "did not fit" their usual diagnoses. Borderline individuals are still the most difficult patients for doctors. They are even avoided and feared - far more often than schizophrenics, alcoholics, or any other patient. Many psychotherapists do not know how to treat BPD

Kreisman J., Ostrich H. I hate you, just don't leave me. Borderline personalities and how to understand them

St. Petersburg: Peter, 2017.

“Ask people on the street about anxiety, depression or alcoholism, and they will most likely be able to describe these diseases in general terms, albeit not quite accurately in details. Ask them about borderline personality disorder, and then you will probably get a blank look in return. Indeed, the PRL still remains in the shadows, and meanwhile each of us meets with a "border guard": on the street, at work, in the family, and some people see him in the mirror

The main characteristic of BPD is inconsistency

“Unable to tolerate paradoxes, borderline individuals are themselves a walking paradox - a kind of vicious circle.” This is why it was extremely difficult to define a uniform set of criteria for making a diagnosis.

These are nine criteria, five are enough to diagnose BPD:

• 1. Persistent attempts to avoid real or imagined loneliness.
• 2. Unstable and tense interpersonal relationships.
• 3. Insufficient or absent awareness of one's own identity.
• 4. Impulsivity in manifestations of potentially self-destructive behavior such as alcohol and drug abuse, shoplifting, reckless driving, overeating.
• 5. Recurrent threats of suicide or suicidal gestures, intentional self-harm.
• 6. Abrupt mood swings and overreaction to situational stress.
• 7. Chronic feeling of emptiness.
• 8. Frequent and inappropriate expressions of anger.
• 9. A passing, stress-related feeling of unreality or paranoia.

The world of the "border guard" is black and white, only heroes and villains live in it, there is no third option. This splitting provides an escape route for their anxiety.

“Despite the constant torment inflicted by others, borderline people seek new relationships, because solitude and even temporary loneliness is far more unbearable for them than abuse. Avoiding loneliness, they will rush to dating bars, to the arms of new acquaintances who have recently tried to flirt with them, somewhere - anywhere - where you can meet at least someone who can save you from torture with your own thoughts.

The person with BPD is afraid of loneliness and clings to people; at the same time he is afraid of being absorbed and therefore pushes them away from him. He wants intimacy, but is afraid of it

The problems faced by "border guards" are close to all people. We are all afraid of being rejected, we are worried about our identity, sometimes we feel a sense of emptiness. We, too, can get angry, on the brink, and hurt ourselves. To a greater or lesser extent, we exhibit borderline symptoms.

The line between “normal” and “pathological” can be very thin. And the book was written so that we could understand what the world looks like for people with borderline disorder, we could treat them more carefully, because, as noted by leading expert Marsha Lainen, “People with BPD in psychology are analogous to patients with third-degree burns. To put it bluntly, they simply lack emotional skin. Even the slightest touch or movement can cause them unimaginable suffering. "