How To See A Real Person? What Prevents You From Doing This? - Society

What prevents us from perceiving people as they are? Why so often loved ones “don't live up to our trust”? What prevents you from seeing a real person behind the husk of masks?

1. Fantasies about the ideal

It is difficult to give up the dream of meeting the ideal - the perfect partner. Kind, generous, caring. Like a father who never existed. Or like a mother who did not shake in her arms, but was busy with her own affairs. As an adult, the psyche continues to strive to patch the gaps in the traumatic experience of childhood and endows the partner with virtues that he may not have. Look carefully, whose figure obscures the real person?

2. Denial

“He yelled at the salesman because he was tired. In general, he is kind. " The psyche successfully completes the picture so as not to experience the collapse of illusions. “He is silent all the time because he is smart. And he plays tanks to relieve tension. " Pay attention, do you have to justify your partner in your own eyes? What qualities do you attribute to your partner to avoid disappointment? Are these qualities real?

3. Merge

When there are no clear boundaries between me and another, it seems that I can read minds and predict behavior. “Honey, we've been invited to dinner. I said we'll come. " "On Saturday you are taking your mother and children to the dacha." To get to know a real person, you need to stop thinking and planning for him. And ask his opinion directly. Do you want to go to dinner? Do you like this color? It often turns out that one of the partners has been silent for years and saved up anger so as not to offend the other.

4. Projections

“He's so quiet. And he won't hurt a fly. " We place our parts in another person. I do not show aggression and prefer to think that this quality belongs to my loved one. So safe for me. Watch the real manifestations. Is there a discrepancy?

Listen carefully to what your loved one says and does. Notice emotional reactions. "I was scared for a second, but then I decided that he was joking." Don't skip the point where you experienced unpleasant emotions. Observe what reaction occurs? Discard an unpleasant thought, pretend that nothing happened, switch over and forget? It is in this place that there is a chance to see a real person, and not an illusory image.