Self Care: A Step By Step Plan And Top 10 Techniques - Self-development

Let's imagine that you are presented with some very valuable plant. You like it and want it to delight your eye for as long as possible. What is needed for this? Understand what kind of plant it is and what it needs to survive, protect from harmful influences and provide conditions for growth. Self-care also includes these three aspects. Let's consider them in more detail

Read also: "What is self-care."

1. Understand yourself and your needs

Usually we live in a given rhythm, move along the usual trajectory and listen to ourselves only when something “breaks down”. For example, you are ill, have lost strength, you cannot achieve a result. Taking care of yourself includes understanding your bodily and psychological needs, contacting your thoughts and feelings, and awareness of your capabilities and limitations. By the way, if you do this, then "breakdowns" happen much less often.

2. Protect yourself from harmful factors (both external and internal)

External defense is about setting boundaries, changing or ending relationships with people you feel bad about communicating with.

Internal protection is the trapping and termination of their internal destructive strategies: self-flagellation, self-intimidation, ignoring problems, etc.

3. Help yourself to recover and develop

Even as adults, we do not stop developing. Our Inner Child constantly wants to explore the world, play, have fun and, in general, live an interesting life. And that requires the right fuel and the right activities.

10 best self-care techniques

How to start taking care of yourself? I propose a self-study program that takes 10 days and includes 10 techniques that address all three aspects of self-care.

Initially, we all operate in the “autopilot” mode, in which we take care of ourselves as programmed by our parents - and this is not always the best option.

Read more about this in the article "Violence against oneself".

To switch to self-care mode, you need to make an adult decision (one that is made consciously, with full understanding of what exactly is to be done, and a willingness to comply with the conditions, despite internal resistance).

Stage 1. Focus on exploring yourself

Technique No. 1. "Contract of care"

You can say the text "to yourself", but for the best effect, I recommend composing it in writing. The template is as follows: “I (full name) conclude a contract with myself for a period of 10 days. I will take care of myself, that is, hear myself, protect, support and help myself to develop. " Date and signature. Read the contract out loud and start completing the assignments.

Technique No. 2. "Contact with desires"

For three days, ask yourself the question as often as possible: "What do I want right now?" Whether to realize this desire or not is not fundamental, the meaning of the task is to simply start to “hear” your needs. If you've read the previous material, you may have already started this path. The technical aspect - so as not to forget, organize reminders on your phone or as stickers at home and at work.

Technique number 3. "Good and bad"

Make two lists. First - "What gives me pleasure, makes me happy?" Write down everything that comes to mind: from the taste of tea to some complex activities that require time, money or the participation of other people. The main thing is that the list should be as large as possible.

The second - "What hurts me, what do I feel uncomfortable with?" Add different factors to it - from physical (air temperature, sounds, tastes) to purely psychological (when something happens in communication with other people or alone with yourself). We will need the first list at the development stage, the second - to protect ourselves.

Technique No. 4. "A pebble in a shoe"

Are there any questions / tasks / problems in your life now that are not being solved, but to one degree or another “itch”, remind of themselves? If so, they should be addressed. Just as a pebble in a shoe can lead to a large wound over time, unresolved problems remain a source of chronic stress and can create serious disruption. Our duty to ourselves is to take inventory and make decisions. Am I planning to do something about it (how exactly and what the first steps should be) or do I prefer not to decide (until what moment)?

Three days is a very short time to study yourself, but you can get minimal information. Go ahead.

Stage 2. Providing protection

Here we need a list of sources of discomfort, which you will compile in the first step.

Physical characteristics (cold water, unpleasant sounds or tastes, etc.) just try to exclude from your life. There is no reasonable reason to continue eating, listening, or using other senses to perceive something that is unpleasant to you.

Now look at the other items on the list: let's divide them into two categories - situations of communication with others and what concerns you personally.

Technique No. 5. "Sherlock Holmes"

Why do we feel bad during communication? As a rule, we are talking about psychological manipulations - when, at the moment of communication, “something” “hooks” us and we either start doing what we don’t want to do, or feel emotions that are unsuitable for the situation (extreme irritation, guilt or resentment).

Manipulators are a topic for a separate article (and often for working with a psychologist, since the most powerful manipulations occur between loved ones). But as part of the simplest self-defense, I suggest technique No. 5 "Sherlock Holmes". I think you all remember that this detective was famous for his ability to tell a lot about a person at first sight. Once you find yourself in a situation that usually hurts you, imagine yourself in the role of Sherlock Holmes.

First, try to “count” as much information as possible: what does this person look like, what the clothes say about him, what could his morning be like? And then start fantasizing: what can he be afraid of, does he remind you of some kind of animal, if you had to make him the hero of a novel, which one? By engaging yourself in reflections, you keep from a strong emotional reaction. Connecting imagination allows you to protect yourself from manipulation.

But much more danger, according to my observations, lies in our internal dialogues. We are used to trusting our inner voice, but, unfortunately, it is far from always right. Our thoughts often make us feel bad.

For example, regular self-criticism causes a feeling of self-doubt, one's own badness, and inferiority. Self-intimidation (winding up thoughts or images in your head about negative outcomes of events) makes you feel anxiety and fear where they absolutely do not need to be. Therefore, it is important to develop the ability to resist the Inner Critic and calm the Inner Alarmist. But you can start by selecting thoughts.

Technique No. 6. "Filter for thoughts"

As soon as you notice critical thoughts in yourself, ask yourself three questions: “Is this true? Is it helpful for me to think about it now (it might help me in some way)? Is it kind (I would say this to a close and dear person)? " If you answer yes to at least two of the three questions - ok, keep thinking about it. As soon as you notice that you are winding yourself up ("chewing" the same topic), ask yourself: "What new thing do I want to say to myself?" If there is no answer, then the topic should not be developed.

Practice these techniques for at least three days to assess the results and understand how it is to constantly defend yourself.

Stage 3. Helping ourselves to recover and grow

The main "nutritional material" for personality development is "stroking". This term in psychotherapy refers to any words, actions, activities, thanks to which we feel valuable, loved, good. In the first step, you wrote a list of the things you enjoy. Let's take it as a basis as examples of your strokes. Now our task is to make them regular.

You may be familiar with the phrase of the famous family therapist Virginia Satir about the fact that “We need four hugs a day to survive. Eight hugs a day to support our health and wellness. 12 hugs a day for growth and self-esteem. " So, hugs are just one of the possible "stroking". I constantly ask my clients how much and what strokes they give themselves, and it turns out that usually it is food, buying things, watching something, and the average amount per day does not exceed four to five. This is too little!

Technique No. 7. "Stroking Bingo"

I suggest we play a little. You take a list of strokes and use it to create cards like bingo (or loto). On each card, you place 15 strokes. And then choose the five you will do tomorrow. Once done, cross them out. And so on for three days until the card is full.

A separate modification - you can do it together with loved ones. And even compete who will close all the points faster.

I foresee that someone will think that the task is too difficult. The fact is that giving oneself "strokes" can also be prohibited (internal rules such as "you cannot praise or pamper yourself"). If this is about you and there is no way to ask a specialist for help, I suggest the light version, which usually "bypasses" the internal rules.

Technique No. 8. "Acknowledgments"

At the end of each day, remember for what and to whom you can be grateful: the Universe for the good weather, the driver who left on time and freed up a parking space for you, the child who dressed quickly and without hysterics, etc. It may be difficult at first. remember, but don't give up, scroll through your day looking for reasons to be grateful. And then, at the end, thank yourself for something.

Technique No. 9. "Fairy Godmother"

Another technique to help you maintain yourself. As you and I already know, we have an Inner Critic (Censor, sometimes even an Executioner), and he constantly works to undermine our self-esteem and self-esteem. But the Inner Parent figure also has another hypostasis - the Caring Parent. This is the one who sincerely believes in us (believes in our abilities, not in our helplessness), unconditionally appreciates us and is always ready to be on our side.

A remarkable figure, isn't it? Were our parents like this? Probably not all and, of course, not always. Therefore, the figure of a Caring Parent in the inner world is often not very actualized. I propose to fix this. Let's imagine that there is such a person next to you. I very conditionally named her Fairy Godmother. In your imagination, this may be a completely different image (and not necessarily female, of course). When the image arises, imagine that this figure is always nearby (for example, it stands behind the right shoulder) and periodically tells you something, advises, or suggests. Listen to her words, and it is highly likely that in reality your behavior will change.

Technique No. 10. "Unscheduled birthday"

So, nine days have passed, the last day of the contract remains and one more technique, the final one - "Unscheduled birthday". Imagine that today is a very special day. Depending on your inner readiness, you can designate it as "birthday" or "last day in life", the main thing is to give it a special status. Try to live it as kindly as possible towards yourself. Do everything possible on this day for the closest person - yourself.

And sum up, of course - did you enjoy taking care of yourself? Are you ready to do it all the time?

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