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Instructions For Acquaintance On The Internet - Relations
Instructions For Acquaintance On The Internet - Relations

Video: Instructions For Acquaintance On The Internet - Relations

Video: Instructions For Acquaintance On The Internet - Relations
Video: How the Internet Is Changing Friendship 2023, April

First of all, a dating site is a technology. It is important to understand: the Internet is not a matchmaker. She will not guess our desires, she will not subtly notice our unique human qualities and discern a “quivering soul” in us. Will not recommend us to anyone and will not put in a word for us. And even more so to invite us "for tea" in a good company or to get a job in a department where there are many colleagues of the opposite sex.

Dedicated to the lonely

To understand what a "quality result" is, we must clearly formulate for ourselves - what do we want to get? Romantic acquaintance? Serious relationship? Sex? Communication? Attention? If we want to get the result in the form "lived happily ever after and died on the same day," then most likely we will be disappointed. The fact is that this glorious plan has many hidden pitfalls that are not obvious to anyone.

First, few people manage to do it - to survive together "happily ever after." Secondly, even if it succeeds, it has nothing to do with the dating process; it is, rather, some kind of statistical luck, which in reality unfolds over a lifetime. In any case, such a possibility is statistically much higher on the Internet than on the street. Imagine - you are walking down the street, and towards the questionnaires, questionnaires … How many of them will you have to “look through” until you find a suitable candidate for dating? And how long will it take to communicate later to understand that "happily ever after" does not quite work out? Or that he is completely “wrong”? Therefore, here you need to be patient and learn to choose.

The choice is difficult. To do this, first of all, you need to have a very good idea of who you “don't want”. This is usually easier than articulating who you want. I don’t want - well, everything seems to be clear here: maniacs, morons, youngsters … Some of them just write in the questionnaire: “I don’t want to …” and then the list. I want to close such a questionnaire right away, because it is full of denials and negativity. What you do not want, you need to clearly imagine, and not write about it in the questionnaire. But oddly enough, usually this is not particularly clear. Because in order for this clarity to appear, experience is needed.

But the unknown is scary - it’s a pity for time for unsuccessful meetings, it’s humiliating to admit your loneliness. If we manage to find the man or woman of our dreams on the Internet, another problem arises - how will he or she like it? This is also often a very difficult task.

Step-by-step instruction

So what is “our job” that needs to be done to make the soulless Internet machine work properly?

1. Describe yourself

Very few people know how. Try to describe yourself in a way that someone might like. You will immediately face unforeseen difficulties. "This" is not interesting to anyone. You can't tell anyone about "this" at all. “It” is too personal. As a result, the boys get something like “I am Vasya, I love beer”, and the girls “I am different”. The most typical versions are: “About myself when we meet”, “I am a woman - and, therefore, I am an actress”, Kostya - without bad habits, I dream of a family”, that is, nothing that could interest anyone in their right mind. It is best to try to describe yourself as if from a third person. Through the eyes of someone who knows and loves you well. Then things will immediately come up that you would never have mentioned, but which give living details. It is important to remember that every word written in the questionnaire can "work": make someone want to respond,someone - to close the profile. There may be negative consequences of an unexpected nature: if you mentioned that you live alone in a large apartment, then expect a lot of responses from provincial fans and female fans. The housing issue is still very relevant, so for many it is a serious motivation.

It is advisable to place in the text what makes you special, unique. Even if all you can do is bake delicious pancakes, this should definitely be mentioned: for some, this can be a decisive factor.

No need to write formal things: "I love cinema, theater, meeting with friends." Be sure to share how your friends are talking about you. Describe your chosen one or chosen one. It is important to set some essential characteristics here. You can also try to do this from a third person: how did your best friend or friend describe the one you need? Sometimes it makes life a lot easier. The most important thing is to clearly understand what is important to us. When we understand well what we are looking for, it suddenly miraculously begins to be found.

2. Post your photos

The fear of being seen on a dating site by a colleague or boss is usually intimidating. We consider it humiliating for ourselves to be in the category of those who have no personal life. Why? What prevents oneself from honestly admitting that this issue in life requires a solution? Why should this be hidden from others? After all, without hiding, there are much more chances to find someone. It's not a good idea to post photos that have been edited with Photoshop. They often distort the original greatly, leading to frustration. Shots where you are in the company of the opposite sex are also not suitable. It is important that you can see not only the face, but also the figure - if there is no such photo, then it is better to place two - one with a face, the other full-length. For women's profiles, you can advise additional photos in a swimsuit.

For male profiles, it's not a good idea to be photographed in front of their cars - it immediately causes irony. If the car is good and expensive, then it is considered a "penis extender" - the way men try to increase their attractiveness. It is best to post portrait plan photos and a few others in addition. Some emotion on the face, such as a smile, but it would be better if such a photo was among others, with a calm expression on her face. It is important for the person who is looking at the questionnaire to see us in a calm state, since emotions or grimaces always leave a lot of room for subjective interpretation.

3. Fill in other sections of the questionnaire

The questionnaire has several predefined sections, for example: "What will I do on my free day." It would be nice to fill it out on your own, without using what is listed there, and do it also through the eyes of friends - so it will be easier to remember that on a free day you, it turns out, are happy to go to collect autumn leaves and then make amazing compositions out of them - obvious a trifle for you, which may be very attractive to someone.

An important section is music. Many people pay special attention to it, for them musical preferences mean like-mindedness and compatibility. An even more significant section is sexuality. It, as a rule, is not filled with girls, and it is completely in vain. Indicated sexual preferences, or, conversely, lack of experience, can be decisive. There is nothing shameful or humiliating in this, there is absolutely no one to hide your interests or preferences from anyone. Because those who read them are attentively interested in the issue, wishing to achieve a result. And those who are not interested are unlikely to study the questionnaires.

Girls over 30, who are seriously interested in sex, very much in vain ignore young people aged 19 and over. The main mistake is the belief that there are no “interesting interlocutors” among young guys who are financially and housing-dependent, or there are no serious partners “worthy of respect”. In fact, this is absolutely not the case.

One romantic story happened before my eyes. A young woman jokingly met a boy of about 16. He turned out to be a wonderful guy, a guitarist, incredibly romantic and pleasant to talk to, completely irresistible in appearance and indefatigable in sex. At the age of 19, he proposed to her, she changed a 1-room apartment for a 2-room one, and they are going to get married this year. Therefore, if sexuality is important to you, then try to break the patterns, sometimes it turns out to be incredibly effective.

The same applies to aged men - among them there are completely exclusive individuals, incredibly active and athletic, wise and appreciating a woman in a way that is not given to unrealized adventure seekers. Do not pay attention to those who like to cheer. They also exist in real life, only on the Internet they feel more unpunished, therefore they behave more courageously. It is necessary to perceive them as a necessary evil, simply ignoring them, since there is nothing terrible or unnatural in this.

Moreover, sometimes this is their way of simply drawing attention to themselves. Having nagged someone, you can sometimes call him for a dialogue, and only then turn into white and fluffy and thus get to know each other. Therefore, do not take boors and scoffers at your own expense - they play as best they can. They just don't understand very well the rules of this game and its meaning. No matter how boring it is, you have to shovel enough "material" to find a few uncut nuggets.

Age does not play a big role here. At the age of 59, my friend's mother regularly meets on the World Wide Web. Her 20-year-old daughter is ruthlessly driven out into the street to “take a walk” at the moments of such dates, since her mother now has a “personal life”. It is not necessary to demonstrate something from the category “I am not like that” or “I am not like that” on the Internet - it is hardly interesting for anyone. It is better to be yourself, presenting yourself as truthfully as possible in the system. Then, perhaps, this will be our "live happily ever after" to everyone's surprise, there are actually quite a few examples of this.

Irina Solovieva, psychologist:

“Who doesn't want a big and bright love?..”

There are really many prejudices about online dating. Almost all my friends, when they found out that I was on a dating site, reacted in about the same way: "Fi-ee!" Then they added with a bit of embarrassment: "Well, of course, I also go there …" Prejudices are strong, but lately they are losing ground.

This way of making acquaintance is a convenient way out for the residents of the metropolis. “Loneliness in a crowd” is a common problem in big cities. It seems that everything is near - and there is no one around. It's good if you know the neighbors in the stairwell at least by sight - what can we say about their names. Plus the frantic pace of life in a big city. How do you get to know and with whom?..

The Internet is a good way to meet people. But - if it is used simply as one of the means of communication. If someone migrates to the Internet, meets and communicates exclusively there, if virtual life becomes more meaningful than real and control over it is lost, a person can no longer stop, acquaintances turn into a kind of conveyor - here it is already worth sounding the alarm. This already looks like addiction, that is, dependence. With a similar problem, psychologists are increasingly turning … But this is an extreme. By themselves, Internet dating does not pose a danger - well, no more than dating on the street or in a cafe.

Can you really find someone there? As in ordinary life - just as difficult. First, you need to understand what you are looking for. If “I don’t know what”, then you will find “it is not clear what”. And if there is a clear request, an answer usually comes to it. Any options have the right to be: from sex for one night to "high feelings" … It is only important to clarify this for yourself, as well as for your partner, so that there is no difference in expectations: suddenly she wants a wedding and five children, and he wants a lover during pregnancy wives…

In addition to desire, readiness is also important. And these, as they say in Odessa, are two big differences or four small ones. Everyone wants this "greatest and brightest love". But the readiness to meet with your soul mate, to build relationships is the next step. In Jungian psychology, there is a concept of "synchrony": external events line up in accordance with what is happening in our inner world, synchronously.

If there is no internal readiness for a meeting, then every morning you can ride with your soul mate in the same elevator - and not recognize each other. And if there is a readiness, this meeting will take place anywhere, including on the Internet. And then it is really possible to "live together happily ever after," and if you really die, then - together and from orgasm …

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