You Can't Stand To Run! How To Deal With A Manipulative Mother - Society

Hello, tell me what to do if I understand that I am being manipulated? I am already over fifty, and my mother constantly drives me to hysterics, then begins to regret. I feel it, but I already lack the patience and willpower to stop. Advise on how to avoid psychological attacks, stay calm and think sanely?

Lyudmila, 51 years old

If you are clearly aware of the very fact of manipulation, then 90% have already overcome the current situation. It remains to ask the questions: why do I allow myself to be manipulated even when I clearly realize that this type of psychological violence is being committed against me ?! And why do I allow the “rapist” to feel sorry for myself later? "There is no longer enough patience and willpower to stop." How to endure, how to stop when violence is applied to you? This should not be allowed, you need to run, get out of the control of the manipulator as quickly as possible, whoever he is - mother, spouse, friend, boss … Of course, there are different situations in the family and at work when you have to really endure or apply counter-manipulation, having started a kind of psychological game according to the "cat and mouse" scenario. But here is a dear person - a mother!And you are already over fifty - so what games can there be ?! Why is the mother still so important to you (sorry, but you do not write anything about your own family, children)? Why did you allow such a long symbiotic (codependent) relationship with your mother? Why didn't the psychological "umbilical cord" be cut earlier?

You say that you are being manipulated, and looking at the situation as a whole, I see a stable sadomasochistic relationship between mother and daughter throughout my life, and my daughter begins to notice this only now - at 51. Well, surely better late than never. Do not ask me "how to avoid psychological attacks, stay calm and think sensibly?" If you really realize the whole tragedy of the situation, you see that you have lived a significant part not of your life, but by your mother imposed on you, you understand that your own “I” is largely filled with maternal content, then everything will happen by itself - “rapid childbirth” will also occur and “cord rupture”. There can be no "deviations" and other half measures. Just do not blame yourself for anything - "do not look back, so as not to turn into a pillar of salt",- because the last most powerful enslaving manipulation undertaken against you will be the manipulation of guilt. You must resist.