9 Frequent Sexual Fantasies. What Are They Talking About? - Sex

A person is distinguished by the ability to fantasize. Fantasies are a whole world, internal, subjective, and at the same time no less bright and emotionally colored than reality. Fantasy is a game of imagination, a game with oneself. No fantasy is accidental: imagination is very diagnostic and has a lot to say about its creator. Especially in such a charged, "hot" sphere as sexuality. Let's take a look at 9 of the most common sexual fantasies.

The function of fantasy is to fill in the internal deficit. A lonely person dreams of a good relationship, a vain person - of recognition and fame, a hungry person - presents delicious food … Fantasy reveals the secret: what is the owner missing? At the same time, the deficit may be hidden, not obvious.

Sexual fantasies do not always indicate deficits in the realm of sexuality. Yes, a person who has no relationship during this period of life can imagine a relationship - an “imaginary partner”. But very often completely different themes start to play out in the sexual sphere. Deficiencies associated with completely different needs, not sexual, begin to be symbolically filled through sexual fantasies. Let's look at a few examples of sexual fantasies. Note that these are variants of interpretation, not unambiguous statements.

1. Oral sex

Preferred oral sex fantasies may indicate a lack of nurturing, so-called "internal nourishment." And it doesn't matter if the fantasy is an active or a passive position. People of this kind have an inner emptiness and hunger for contact, which comes from childhood: they did not have enough attention, care, sometimes there were problems with feeding (early weaning, etc.). Often this is combined with difficulties with eating behavior: overeating, obsessive dieting, etc. Sex becomes an escape from loneliness and inner emptiness.

2. Anal sex

For such people, the topic of power and control is important. This is how they understand good contact, intimacy and love. It does not matter what role the dreamer takes in this - active or passive. Each family has its own language of love, and in his family love was understood as power and possession. This mechanism is imprinted in the unconscious and is played out in adulthood, in real life or in fantasies.

3. Group sex

Increased need for attention. And the lack of childhood experience of monogamous, dyadic relationships when there are only two. In this type of family, explicit and hidden triangles are formed, or even more complex structures. There is no healthy communication between two people, it is imperative to use the third one as a buffer: “Tell your father that I will not warm up dinner the second time,” etc. The child was drawn into a complex system of adult relationships: for example, his mother and grandmother competed for his attention; or maybe he became a buffer in the conflicts between mother and father. Therefore, there is no internal scheme of relations between only two: three or more elements are needed.

4. Masturbation

Masturbation fantasies speak about the desire for recognition as a man (woman), about the recognition of the right to sexuality and its expression. Usually this mechanism comes from a strict family of the Puritan type, with strict taboos on sexuality. Or from a family that ignored sexuality. Perhaps in fantasy, a person masturbates himself, or perhaps watches someone's masturbation. In both cases, it is a desire to legalize the processes associated with sexuality.

5. Romantic sex

Lack of tenderness, heart contact, acceptance. The tendency to idealize. Sex as such can be perceived as something dirty, bad. And the romantic side of life is overly emphasized. Heartiness and sex can be opposed, consciously or unconsciously: “How, do you want me? So you don't love me! " It is important to strive for the integration of warmth and sexuality.

6. Hard sex

Unrealized aggression, excessive tension and the inability to discharge in another way. There is a charge of aggression inside, in the body there is a high level of chronic tension. Sometimes work overload, hyperresponsibility, workaholism can lead to this state. Internal prohibitions on the expression of aggression, on relaxation, do not allow the tension to come out in other ways, and then hard sex becomes the only way to release, whether in reality or in imagination.

7. Sex in public places

The desire to break the rules, to go beyond what is permitted. In childhood, an internal construct such as a super-ego is formed: it is an internal censor. In a family with strict rules and pronounced punitive behavior of the parents, the child's super-ego becomes too harsh, and a protest against the rules and obligations settles in the soul. This protest is carried over into adulthood: you want to misbehave, go beyond the rules, thereby "proving" your independence from your parents.

8. Extreme sex

Lack of "taste for life". Life becomes boring, there is not enough variety, new experience. A vibrant risk-taking experience brings back the feeling of freshness and novelty. In addition, risky behavior is attracting attention, as well as a manifestation of auto-aggression. Perhaps the parents paid attention to the child only when he had difficulties: illness, poor grades, disobedience … And this model was fixed: constant risk is needed.

9. Emphasis on paraphernalia

Clothes, accessories, objects … An object type of relationship, not a subjective one. This means that the partner is perceived not as an equal, full-fledged person, but as an object for pleasure. This is a consequence of childhood experience: in such a family, the child was not seen as a person, but was perceived as an object. For example, to meet the needs of the parents themselves: vanity, the need for contact. Therefore, in adulthood for such a person, objects are more important than living people.

We will talk about other types of sexual fantasies on July 5 at the Dreams and Fantasies Marathon

On July 5, an online marathon of dreams and sexual fantasies will be held, which is organized by KATOP. From morning to evening, psychologists and psychotherapists from different countries will reveal the topic of fantasies and dreams. Theory and practice, warm atmosphere and pleasant surprises await you! We'll talk more about sexual fantasies, dream exploration, etc. Learn more and sign up: [email protected]