“My Young Man Sometimes Drives Me Away, Sometimes Wants To Return ” The Story Of A Childhood - Relations

I met a young man for about three months, once we went to the cinema, and he told me that I was no longer interesting for him, he did not see a woman in me. I left, did not call and did not look for a meeting. Literally a week later, I met him at a nightclub, and this was repeated several times. I thought, since he walks alone, and then gives me a lift home with his girlfriend, he wants to return this way. But he advised me to look for another. As a result, I gave him my favorite place, when suddenly he began to study in my sports club. I try to communicate with him in a friendly way, but, of course, I want more. What motivates him, why does he drive me out of "my" places, why does he need this friendship? By the way, the young man is an orphan, raised by his grandparents, who have already died. Such is the story of childhood

Nadezhda, 26 years old

Your last words actually answer all questions. A difficult childhood history traumatizes the personality, distorts reactions, does not allow for predictability. If childhood is filled with fear, insincerity, guilt, feelings of inferiority, various manipulations, humiliation, deception, resentment, then as a result the child simply does not learn how to behave correctly, that is, understandably, with others. Such "science" is not given by itself, they learn this from an early age. They start small, step by step mastering its basic rules and further improving their skills. Any contact - business, intimate, friendly, casual - is conducted according to its own laws. They are not universal and have their own characteristics in every culture, religion, social stratum, professional community, even in a metropolis and province, they can differ significantly.

What's going on between you? A game. It's clear to you how to behave. You expect that these rules will be familiar to your partner as well. At the very least, you would really like him to accept them, because they are not that difficult. But you and your friend had completely different "games" in childhood. He seems to be playing for survival. Those attitudes that you easily learned in childhood are unknown to him. Hence all the misunderstandings and difficulties. Don't be under any illusion, because he bullies you the same way they bullied him when he was little. Perhaps he "owns" other "techniques" that he will experience in the future, I hope that not on you. He will meet a partner with a similar fate, for whom such torment will also be familiar from childhood and will not seem like something out of the ordinary. They will try to love each other, but they will mostly suffer,periodically changing roles according to the game scenario.

You feel love for him, mixed with suffering. You support him imperceptibly to yourself, for example, every time you allow him to drive you home from the club or invite him to talk, despite his obvious inadequacy. Be extremely careful. Many in such situations do not notice how their whole life goes. You can perceive an obvious mockery as some minor flaw in a great and magnificent game called love. Do not be hopeless, in any important matter there are no trifles. If you want to hedge against this kind of situations, then carefully study the psychology of sadomasochistic relationships.