Wedding With The Unloved. Should You Marry If You Don't Love? - Relations

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 20:18

My parents literally force me to marry an unloved person, convincing me that love will come later, and he is the best option - modest, calm, devoted, loves me. Wedding in two weeks. And I never fell in love with him. Sometimes, very rarely, I have tender feelings, but the rest of the time he annoys me. I can hardly hide my emotions. And almost always, with the exception of moments of tenderness and irritation, I am absolutely indifferent to him. I don't care where he is, what he does, who he is with, how he is doing and his health. If he does something bad (for example, takes my phone, shits on the floor), I'm ready to explode. I don’t know how I should live with this. Parents do not understand me, they want me to create my own family, give birth to a child. I also want this. But he's not my man. What to do? The wedding is inevitable. I do not know,how long will we last after the celebration.

Anna, 26 years old

Try two steps to clarify your feelings about what is happening. The first step is to imagine that you have completely, completely stopped being forced to marry. That you have freed yourself from the oppression of parental compulsion, immediate marriage. And that you now have the opportunity to choose for yourself - to get married or leave your life as it is. What are the advantages for you in becoming a "husband's wife", and what are the disadvantages - what do you feel that you will lose valuable for yourself by getting married?

Write this on two halves of the paper. Write spontaneously, without much hesitation, the first thing that will come to you - now free to choose your status - to come.

And then take the next step. Take another piece of paper, divide it equally, write "pros" on one side and "minuses" on the other. Now focus on your relationship of companionship, co-living with this "modest, calm, devoted, loving you" man and write what you like to do with him and what not, how he is attractive to you and what is not. Then honestly answer yourself the question: what form of relationship (and maybe even a complete break) is best for you now? How do you imagine a relationship with this man? In what form? On what terms? And with what share of your responsibility?

Again, write without much thought - the first thing that comes to mind. After a few hours, re-read what you get. Perhaps at this moment it is your desire, intention that will become clear. In this case, try to have a sincere conversation with this man. Tell him about your desires, concerns, and try with him to find a solution that suits you as a couple. And then together decide how to build relationships with your parents so that they let you go into their own adult life according to your scenario, along your path of victories and mistakes.