Love Trauma. Self-help Checklist - Relationships, Self-development

Love trauma is a condition that occurs after a difficult, traumatic relationship. There are many ways to heal. Sometimes they are helpful on their own, sometimes they only help with therapy.

• 1. Take an active stance towards the injury. Resist the victim's attitude and submission to the trauma. Be proactive. Do what is good for you. Remember, the more you think about the trauma, the more it gets. Suffering while lying down is useful only for the first time, when you need to "burn off".
• 2. Refocus on the vision of the present and work on it. Change it, complement it, go to it.
• 3. Move towards this vision regardless of whether you feel the strength to do so or not. Fake it till you make it - "Fake it until you make it."
• 4. Let go of the past - live in the present. Move the trauma of love into the past and leave it there.
• 5. You have the right to be happy. Get rid of the trash in your head. These are simply brain responses to life threats, but they are not helpful in any way in moving towards your preferred future.
• 6. Break the chain between the expectations you had for the relationship and what actually worked out. Life is not fair. Replace anger with frustration with your partner.
• 7. Accept that love is vulnerable. Why did you decide that this could not happen to you?
• 8. Wounds don't kill. But they don't make it stronger either. Don't let the trauma grow and infect everything. A wound is a sign that it is time to grieve the loss.
• 9. Compose your mantra.
• 10. If you cannot sleep for more than 20 minutes, get up and do quiet activities. When you want to sleep, go to bed again. Get up if you can't sleep again.
• 11. Feeling that your abuser deserves punishment and striving to become an instrument of retaliation are different. The desire for revenge will take away all your strength.
• 12. Focus on your desire for romantic love.
• 13. Get a medical examination. Make an exercise schedule that's right for you.
• 14. Reinforce the positive, narrow down the negative.
• 15. Don't isolate yourself. Don't walk away from people. Keep in touch with family and friends. Let them know what you are going through.
• 16. Find your "religion".
• 17. The trauma of love is not big enough to kill years.
• 18. Bring back your smile and moments of joy.
• 19. Maintain your defeatist moods, but if you suspect depression, see your doctor.
• 20. You can find love. Don't let the trauma of love make you feel unworthy of it.
• 21. Avoid drugs, alcohol and promiscuity as ways to cope with pain.
• 22. Listen to love music. Experience joy and pain with her.
• 23. Find (remember) other experiences and emotions besides pain.
• 24. Regain your self-esteem and your strength. Find someone to help you understand why the trauma of love has been so devastating for you.

• 25. Create a personal support club. Let it be in your head. Open up admission to everyone who supports you and who looks positively towards your future.

  Close the entrance to the club to those who criticize you (of course, wishing you only well), blame and shame you, try to correct you (of course, only to make you better).

• 26. Start a piggy bank of completed projects. Add awards, certificates, or just your notes about what you have done, what new skill you have mastered.
• 27. If you are paired with the person who has hurt you, go to pair therapy. Do not get stuck in the game "you are to blame, and I am waiting for satisfaction", get out of it by clarifying what happened and changing plans for the future.
• 28. Convert the trauma of love to a point of growth. Reconsider this point not as the moment from which your life began to collapse, but as the moment that turned you into a different vector of life.
• 29. Give yourself time to heal. This may take months or even years. But do not give yourself up to your suffering completely and for long. In parallel with the healing process, go into the future and realize your plans and dreams.
• 30. Get rid of shame and start telling your environment about your experience. Perhaps your experience will help other people experience similar experiences. Perhaps you will write a series of posts or even a book. Maybe you will start a support group or charitable foundation. We are not alone in our pain, many people need to receive information from both experts and those who have experienced similar.

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