Table of contents:
- 4 speech strategies that will save relationships
- 1. Self-strategy
- 2. Gratitude and compliments
- 3. Consent
- 4. Apology
Video: How To Negotiate Happiness? 4 Speech Strategies That Will Save Your Relationship - Relations
How to tell your husband about your claims and not divorce after that? How to convey to him that it is important for you that he devotes time not only to work, but also to his family? How to make him take out the trash and clean up the dishes himself, without a reminder? I give 4 speech strategies that will help improve relationships in a couple and find a solution that is beneficial for both parties. Having mastered them, you will negotiate effectively and get your way without manipulation and brainwashing.
4 speech strategies that will save relationships
In life we get not what we deserve, but what we were able to agree on. The main secret of any strong relationship, including family relationships, is dialogue.
It is important not to be silent, but to always talk about your feelings. Do not hide, do not conceal and do not adjust, but select the correct wording.
So that your words do not sound like an accusation, use the "I-strategy":
- Praise and compliment your partner through yourself. Not "you're so smart," but "I admire your intelligence!"
- Express your grievances through your feelings. Not "you are bad, you offended me!", But "I feel hurt when …"
Thus, you do not evaluate your partner, do not blame him, do not make claims. And talk about your feelings, without reproach, manipulation and declaration of war. Show that you are in the mood for dialogue and a peaceful solution to the issue.
2. Gratitude and compliments
Even if it seems to you that your partner is a hopeless bummer who does not contribute in any way to the relationship, this is not so. There is always something to thank the other person for. There are no trifles in this business. It could be taken out trash, cooked breakfast, self-washed socks, whatever!
This also includes compliments. They help the other person understand why you value them. Compliments express your faith in his ability to change something or achieve something. This will undoubtedly boost your self-confidence and make you want to live up to your trust.
Important! Only sincere compliments and gratitude work, and not tortured mooing and a forced smile, which you yourself find it difficult to believe.
Remember what you pay attention to - it increases. If you take wishful thinking for granted, and scold for all the shoals, you thereby focus on them and as a result you get more "bad".
Therefore, I propose to introduce a simple habit: for one expressed dissatisfaction, make 7 compliments / thanks to your partner.
If you want to have a constructive dialogue, stop seeing the other person as a rival or enemy. Try to see him as a whole: a person with his own fears, motives, desires. Focus on what brings you together.
How to do it?
Use the 101 percent principle: Find the 1% you agree with and put 100% of your effort into it
The challenge is to negotiate. Do not push, do not convince, do not prove your case. For this, it is important to find meaning in the words of the interlocutor. Build a dialogue based on:
- respect for the interlocutor;
- points on which you both can agree.
By directing attention to these points, you can come to an agreement and get a result that suits both parties.
There is always something to apologize for. Even if you do not consider yourself to be guilty. At least for the inconvenience.
This speech strategy removes the barrier between you and the interlocutor. He understands that you have come not to blame, but to admit your mistakes. Communication immediately becomes easier and easier.
This strategy helps you to remove the stone of guilt and shame from your soul.
Yes, it can be difficult to apologize. After all, it seems to us that in this way we admit our guilt and become “bad”, in contrast to the “good” interlocutor, to whom we transfer the right to punish us. This causes the oldest fear of loneliness, rooted in a time when exile from the tribe was tantamount to death.
What can you do to make it easier to apologize? I suggest you think about it, what if
- Are we both good?
- Shouldn't you compare yourself with others?
- Apologize without expecting forgiveness? By giving the second person the right to his own reaction.
- Asking for forgiveness ≠ making excuses. Asking for forgiveness - expressing regret that this happened, keeping responsibility on yourself and leaving it to others to forgive or not. Justify - relieve yourself of responsibility and transfer it to circumstances / another person.
- It is worth asking for forgiveness with dignity, without guilt.
In any incomprehensible situation, use one of 4 or combine several strategies at the same time. And then you will definitely be able to negotiate happiness with your loved one. These 4 speech strategies can also be used in business negotiations, dialogues with family members, neighbors, and anyone you meet along the way.