Second Chance For A Relationship. Should You Try? - Relations

Breaking up is always stressful. Regardless of who was the initiator of the rupture, both will experience one way or another. You can break up for various reasons. Of course, more often this happens due to very serious reasons: treason, domestic violence, lies. But it often happens that the problems were hushed up, the dialogue did not work out, resentments accumulated and one of the partners could not restrain himself. He exploded, slammed the door, broke off relations, it would seem, forever. Time passes, and such a scenario begins to seem no longer the only correct one. Someone wants to return, someone wants to return. But both are thinking: is it worth giving a second chance for a relationship or is it still not necessary to enter this notorious river again?

When is the absolute "no"

In any family (any relationship) conflicts happen. This is a daily routine and this is normal.

Violence in any of its manifestations is absolutely unacceptable. There is no reason or explanation for violence. This is not the norm, it speaks of certain mental disorders.

Violence is a violation of boundaries and there can be no excuse or explanation. And yes - violence can happen again, no matter how much you want to believe in "awareness and repentance." The fact of domestic violence is a serious reason not to give a second chance for a relationship.

Gambling addiction, drug addiction, alcoholism. If you broke up for this reason, this is also worth putting an end to. You yourself may not be able to cope, in such cases you need the advice of a specialist, here we are often talking about codependency.

It's hardly worth giving the relationship a second chance if your partner, in an effort to get you back, is completely unwilling to listen and give in. You broke up because of an inability to communicate and compromise. It is unlikely that it will turn out to converge again in the same key.

And of course, a second chance for a relationship is something that needs to be taken seriously and responsibly. If your partner believes that this is a kind of swing and the relationship can be destroyed and built like cakes in a sandbox, you are definitely not on the way.

When possible "yes"

The first thing to do after breaking up is to slow down. Take time to think about the situation, do not rush yourself to return or return. This is a kind of "grounding", helping the psyche in a stressful situation to turn on defense mechanisms and get out with the least amount of losses.

It's also important to understand that the relationship doesn't start from the point of your breakup. This is not a paused life. During the time you were not together, you both changed. And only by accepting this fact, you can try to build anew.

“Yes” is possible if:

1. There is a desire to change. It arises after realizing mistakes. After the breakup, any person analyzes actions and draws certain conclusions. Change is a chance to turn life for the better.
2. There is an important loss experience. Yes, this is exactly about "we do not store what we have." After going through losses, a person begins to value and strives to protect what he has. Family, friends, happy moments, traditions and way of life - all of this suddenly becomes not so commonplace, but acquires great meaning. When such a revaluation occurs, a person is more careful and delicate about everything that he has already lost once.
3. Errors are being corrected. A million times after parting, having analyzed our actions, partner's reactions, understanding mistakes, we learn to correct them faster and better.

What to do to make it work

So, time passed, you calmed down, exhaled and decided that you need this relationship. Regardless of who takes the first step, both partners need to accept and understand some things.

• It is necessary to accept that “a second chance for a relationship” does not mean that everything will be perfect. Yes, you are injured and therefore careful and delicate. But this is not a guarantee that everything will work out. It may simply not work out, like this, for no specific reason. Remember that while you were not together, you changed? So just accept the fact that anything happens. This will allow you to accept any result with dignity.
• Be patient. Both you and your partner are not suddenly perfect after all the thinking, self-discovery, and stepping out of your comfort zone. Both of you may well continue to be wrong. On the path of reunification, you may also not understand something and not hear each other. Therefore, the best thing to do is to be patient with each other.
• Don't think about bad things. Even if you were thrown and I really want to remind you about it. Here it is very important to understand the difference between "keeping the grievances in yourself silently" and "letting go". In fact, what hurt you has already happened. This needs to be worked out, voiced and released. There is no need to be afraid of the worst. It’s not scary anymore, because you have a great chance to get everything right.
• Relationships are work. This is work on oneself, this is joint development, this is an interesting path with mistakes and compromises, but the main thing is that this is a path together. Now you are starting to have a good experience of working with bugs. First of all, this is work on your own mistakes. This is the time for analysis and self-discovery. Now is the time to work through everything - willpower, patience, the ability to understand and accept. When deciding on a second chance, remember that your relationship is very fragile right now. And only in your power to make them strong and healthy.
• Come up with something new. A change of scenery is a powerful help and resource for the future. Come up with and do something together. Support your partner when he offers you something. It doesn't have to be an extreme vacation or a change of residence. A date, a joint hobby, a short trip off the mark - even what seems like a trifle plays in favor of your relationship.

Human relationships are a great gift. You can quickly break and lose them. But at the same time, you need to understand that the way to build relationships will not be easy.