“I Don’t Want To Get Married! I Don't Want Domestic Slavery! " - Relations

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 20:18

I have been dating a man for five years now. Initially, we both said that we did not want to create a family, we did not plan to have children. We have a lot in common: interests, hobbies. He recently stunned me with a statement that it was time to get married and have a baby. But I was completely satisfied with the old way of life, I do not want domestic slavery. Maria, 30 years old

It so happened that in most cases, the development of relationships involves the creation of a strong family with children. An independent successful lady who does not want to get married and have children is regretted or even considered inferior. Is this really so?

Catch the last train

The desire to start a family does not depend on gender. Just as it does not depend on race, age, financial situation. It means the desire to continue oneself in new statuses - spouses and parents. Don't you have such a desire? So, for some reason, you don't need it. The willingness to have a family is always a voluntary responsibility.

Of course, marriages are contracted for other reasons as well, which is especially characteristic of our culture. For example, age can be the basis. Approaching a certain milestone, a woman realizes that she must grab what is at hand, otherwise "the train will leave."

Another common reason is to meet the expectations of parents and society. To be considered a black sheep is an unaffordable luxury for many. The financial issue and housing conditions also occupy an important place among the reasons that induce the fair sex to be legally married.

Why should he?

You write that you have been dating a man for five years, from which it can be concluded that the relationship is quite stable. Common interests and hobbies are great, but is this the only link, or is there something else behind the external social factors?

The fact that you agreed and discussed initially the format of your relationship is certainly a huge plus. Understatement and unjustified expectations are the dominant factor in conflicts and disappointments, and can cause parting. In your case, there was a certain "failure", the voiced terms of the contract were violated, which suited both parties and to this day suit you, but for some reason ceased to suit your man. You say that he literally "stunned" you with the confession that he would like to see you as a spouse and mother of his child. Was his statement really a complete surprise? Perhaps there were prerequisites for this? For example, your man's family puts pressure on him. And all the friends are married and have taken on the role of fatherhood.

Not only women want to keep a man by giving birth to heirs, men have the same thoughts. Jealousy plays an important role. If your partner has similar feelings towards you, it is likely that he wants formal ownership. If all these reasons are not related to your situation, most likely, the man simply grew out of the framework that was stated. We all change every second of our lives, and what we once liked often becomes insufficient over time.

Don't fool yourself

The description of the family hearth as slavery suggests that this was the case in your experience of the parental family. In our country, the word “wife” is often synonymous with “great martyr”. The need to work and take care of the family, leaving not a minute of time for herself, turns a woman into an exhausted creature dragging an overwhelming burden. It is not surprising that, having such an example before your eyes, you are not at all tempted to adopt this experience.

Another option is quite possible - you simply do not want to take on responsibility for which you are not yet ready. If you are satisfied with the lifestyle that you are now leading, think about whether you are ready to change your whole life for the sake of a man. Just so as not to upset or lose him. Getting married and having a child against your will is a delay in divorce, a matter of time. But if your partner is determined to start a family, your refusal can also lead to a breakdown.

Conflicts of interest can be resolved by discussing their motives with your partner and thinking about yours. In any case, to create a harmonious and happy family, both of you must want the same thing. Choose yourself and build your life yourself, taking into account the wishes of the man, but not being guided by them

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