Which Love Is More Honest - At First Sight Or At Second Sight? - Relations

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 20:18

What is true love? One that appears as a flash, at first sight or touch. Or the one that gradually, slowly, grows out of friendly sympathy, day after day, sometimes, months or even years?

Which is more honest - an unconscious impulse or a well-informed choice?

First glance

Their eyes met, and like lightning struck both. This is approximately how many people imagine "real" love, and among them not only romantic young ladies. There is an opinion that if there is no spark at the first meeting, there will be no relationship.

Proponents of this view consider feelings based on physiological responses to be more honest. The heart beats faster, the body is pleasantly excited, the blood rises to the face, "butterflies in the stomach" appear.

Such descriptions indicate that the head of the sensed person is involved in the process only as a stunned observer

And this is precisely what serves as proof of the truth of the arisen love attraction, because a person simply cannot do anything with himself, so much he is attracted by the object of the feelings that have arisen.

Second look

Such an idea of "real" love causes bewilderment among the other part of humanity. They reason quite logically that it is impossible to fall in love with a complete stranger to you at a glance. It is necessary to get to know each other better, find out what the potential partner lives and breathes.

It takes more than the initial momentum to bond to develop deep and lasting affection. Commonality of interests, the coincidence of the way and rhythm of life, sense of humor, outlook, level of education and well-being, aesthetic views and ethical principles are important.

Somatic manifestations in the form of dizziness and heart rhythm disturbances frighten such people and make them want to withdraw

The main difficulty in talking about love is that, strictly speaking, such a feeling does not exist. When using this word, each of us means his own unique set of sensations, experiences, feelings and emotions that arise when meeting another person. And also a whole heap of ideas about how to behave in such a state, how to manifest all this and by what signs to recognize love. It is impossible to determine the parameters of its truth that are uniform for all and evaluate specific relations for compliance with certain universal concepts.

From a psychologist's point of view, it is more important whether you believe that you truly love and are loved. How do you feel in your union, how does your partnership meet your needs, are you satisfied with how things are going for you?

Underwater rocks

If your love arose at first sight, chances are that it is not only a physiological response to the object of attraction. Perhaps you are reacting to certain external features or behavioral characteristics of the person that cause what psychologists call transference in you. That is, you see not the person himself, but an image from the past projected onto him. A "ghost" of someone with whom you have formed associations that trigger a set of reactions in your mind called "love."

In this case, rapprochement will inevitably lead to an epiphany. Over time, you may discover striking differences between your real partner and the image created by your imagination. It is this, most likely, that will cause a feeling of deception, and will turn love into fake.

Slow rapprochement, gradual recognition of each other definitely helps to better identify a suitable life partner. However, the predominance of rationality with this strategy of choosing a partner can lead to the formation of a team of like-minded people instead of a romantic couple.

People can be so similar that they gradually turn into relatives, between whom there is practically no sexual attraction. And again, the only question is how the partners feel in such a relationship. They feel good together - that's great!

It is worse if one of the couple is burdened by such a situation and he would like to experience himself or feel more physical attraction from the partner. Such a discrepancy between the desired and the actual may lead him to think that such a "calm" love is not entirely real.

What does science say?

And what does science say - which of the ways of choosing a partner is more successful? Research has shown that couples who choose each other based on physiological responses are indeed different from those who choose the slower approach.

The former are less similar to each other externally, which is understandable, nature appreciates genetic diversity. However, both of them in the long run have about the same chances of a happy life together

For a long-term partnership, how you interact after mutual declarations of love is more important. At first glance or after a long series of dates, the truth of the feeling that has arisen cannot be measured from the outside. Whether your love is true or not is up to you.