Table of contents:
- It is difficult for us to live without other people, but interaction with them can bring not only positive emotions, but also toxic phenomena. Insults, rudeness, devaluation and manipulation can cause serious psychological trauma. Sometimes you should think about the time to end the communication
- Toxic markers. You should be on your guard if:
Video: These 5 Unpleasant Markers Can Help You Recognize Toxic Relationships - Relations
It is difficult for us to live without other people, but interaction with them can bring not only positive emotions, but also toxic phenomena. Insults, rudeness, devaluation and manipulation can cause serious psychological trauma. Sometimes you should think about the time to end the communication
Relying on common sense, each of us can easily jot down a considerable list of "toxic" phrases, having heard which, it would be worthwhile to interrupt communication for a while or even completely. And it certainly will unmistakably indicate alarm bells in the form of manipulative or offensive statements. Especially when it comes to someone else, and not about the circumstances of our personal history.
However, once it comes to analyzing your own relationships, things become much less obvious.
- Is a devaluation comment from an old friend an excuse to distance yourself or to show empathy and find out what triggered this reaction?
- The partner avoids communication for the fifth day in a row - is that all, packing our bags, trying to have a frank conversation, or will we silently wait another week or two?
- The boss once again calls him darling or darling, and the others by name and patronymic, is this an expression of sympathy or a reason to quit?
Relationships are a complex dynamic process in which simple recipes don't work in a straightforward manner
There is simply no single scheme of action for all. It is not for nothing that mental health professionals spend long hours during consultations figuring out all the contexts in a client's life. And they almost never give advice.
Any communication is more pleasant and healthier if everyone participates in it of their own free will and choice. Well, if everyone is interested, the relationship is not toxic, no one manipulates, misleads or exploits anyone. Of course, not always everything goes in the best way, from time to time everyone has a bad mood and troubles. It is important to pay attention to patterns that have developed in contact with others.
When deciding whether to continue communicating, I propose to focus not on specific phrases, but on the sensations that you experience in the process.
Toxic markers. You should be on your guard if:
1. Words, phrases, the general tone of the conversation are unpleasant for you, hurt, hurt, emotionally exhaust you
This kind of communication should be interrupted as quickly as possible - gently or abruptly, temporarily or completely. Staying in distressing contact is detrimental to your psychological health. It's a toxic relationship. In an unstable state, you yourself lose the ability to objectively assess the situation and adequately respond to what is happening. Everyone has their own pain points, if yours is hurt, interrupt the communication. By calming down, you can take a more sober look at what happened and make an informed decision about what to do next.
2. The situation is repeated several times, despite your requests
Let's say that contact with the interlocutor is important to you, communication is necessary or inevitable, the person himself is dear to you for some reason, you can turn to him with an explanation that such statements and topics of conversation are unpleasant for you and ask him not to do this anymore. A person who respects you will undoubtedly meet you halfway. If your requests are ignored, and statements are repeated repeatedly, end the conversation.
3. Communication is asymmetrical
They ignore you, do not delve into what has been said, demonstrate directly with words or all behavior that you are not interesting, they are clearly waiting for you to finish speaking, interrupt or change the topic. Make derogatory comments about your manner of speaking, your intelligence, encouraging you to speak less. Sometimes the imbalance can be justified, for example, when you yourself are interested in a certain person and you were looking for her company. If such a format has not been determined in advance, asymmetry is a reason to break contact.
4. Manipulation, pressure, acceleration of the rhythm of communication, reduction of distance
You may feel unrealistic about what is happening. It seems that you do not keep up with the interlocutor, as if you are forced to agree with something that you have not thought about. You may be literally rushed with a decision, imposed on an uncomfortable communication style. For example, without consent to go to you, ask very personal questions, use obscene vocabulary. If you get the feeling that you are being controlled in a conversation, and you just follow, succumbing to pressure, do everything to maximize the distance.
5. You are told directly or indirectly that communication is undesirable
In this case, you should distance yourself from someone who does not want to contact you. If it is important for you to keep the relationship, give the person time, maybe later, he will choose to resume communication.