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Video: What Would It Be If How Fantasies Kill Relationships - Relations
In a certain kingdom, in a certain state … Fairy tales and fantasies are good because they can be rewritten, changed, something added or removed. Defeat evil. Most importantly, they can be as you need, as you like. Many people do this. They do not understand that life is not fairy tales and fantasies. They spend their lives rewriting their past and guessing "what would have happened if …" he called, she said "yes", I answered him in a different way. And so on ad infinitum. A cycle of options and ideas fills your thoughts, your time, your life. Emotions are overflowing, but everything is in the same place, and the river of life flows past you.
heads or tails
In life, it is important to understand that when you choose something, you give up something. It is impossible to be everywhere, to do everything and be in time for everything. If you, of course, have a flywheel of time, you can close this article and continue in the same spirit. But for those who do not have it, this text is dedicated.
In relationships, as in life, we are faced with choices all the time. Once we choose, we face the consequences. This is where many stumble. We did everything right, but something went wrong and you don't get what you wanted, expected, planned. The man turned out to be not that, not that.
The second side of the coin
How can a person be like this or not? Your expectations keep you from seeing the truth. You actually don't even look at it. You live in your fantasies. You have already decided everything for everyone. Who and what should be, how to behave, how to speak. What should be your communication, your relationship. You are overwhelmed with expectations and there is no place within you for what is happening. You get hung up on something that doesn't match your imagination, and you get angry, annoyed, offended. But what corresponds to your illusions, you accept as the norm, and there is no place for a feeling of gratitude. This is how it should be. This is normal! Fine? Who said that what you come up with and want is okay?
The norm is when a person is neutral to you. All other feelings have nothing to do with the norm. If a person loves you, this is a gift for you, a miracle. And for this miracle it is worth to thank. It is worth appreciating. If you love a person, it is a miracle, and no one ever has the right to defile or use your feelings. Your task is to protect him from encroachments. And give to others, getting pleasure from it, and not expecting the same in return or praise and admiration.
Life and relationships are dance. The most sincere dance in the dark, when no one is looking at you and you are doing it for yourself. It turns out original, individually, especially. This is not suitable for everyone, but only for those who like it. And in this place it is worth being honest with yourself. Stop kidding yourself.
How to tell yourself the truth?
- Recognize and accept that you are not an eight-armed goddess. You are you. If a career is important to you, children may not be important to you. And vice versa. You don't have to be the best and most successful at everything.
- Accept and accept that your partner is not perfect. He was created in the likeness of God, but he is not a god. He may be able to make money, but not be able to nail the shelves. Earning, he can spend a lot of time away from you. Because you can't be perfect in everything.
- Admit that you are not omnipotent, that you are wrong. It is normal to make a mistake, draw a conclusion and take it into future life, so as not to step on the same rake twice. It is strange to grieve over a mistake, to suffer, but not to draw conclusions and not go further.
- Stop fantasizing and thinking about "what if". Nothing. Nothing at all. Since there is no "if". There is the fact of what is and what is not, everything else is your fantasy.
- Stop worrying about things that you cannot change. And act where you are able to change something.
- Stop suffering for what is not now. There are two options: either you didn't have it before. Then where did these tantrums come from? Either you had it, but it ended. It happens. The world is changeable. Appreciate what is now. Focus on what is good.
- Stop painting yourself pictures of how everyone and everything should be. Accept with gratitude and respect a good attitude towards you. This is not the norm. This is a gift.
- Appreciating yourself and your feelings is not the norm.
Look at your relationships and life in a different way. Take off your pink, blue, black glasses. Stop thinking and fantasizing. Open your eyes wide and be surprised by what you see, the world is much more diverse than you can imagine. Transfer your ideas from the world of illusion to the world of things. Start acting realistically, not thinking. Start trying.