How Not To Divorce During Quarantine? 7 Recommendations Of A Psychologist - Relations

It's no secret that after the release from quarantine, many couples in China decided to divorce. Many, having been forced to be locked in four walls for several months, swear, take offense, try to avoid each other and think about divorce. Even the strongest couples are going through tough times right now

People often turn to me after the New Year holidays, joint vacations, long holidays. As it is now, during quarantine. How to maintain a relationship? How not to get bored with each other? How to stay interesting? How to get out of quarantine while maintaining a relationship. How not to get a divorce after the quarantine is canceled?

7 recommendations on how not to divorce during quarantine:

1. Be careful with borders

His and her husband. It's not only about knocking when you enter a room, putting things away right away, respecting wishes and needs. This is also about the bodily - touching, kissing, sex every day can cause a nervous breakdown. Take a break from each other. You can agree, if you want, to quietly watch the series while another is studying online or reading. Therefore, be attentive to the boundaries of the other - do not violate once again. Better undershot than over on border issues.

2. Show all emotions

That is, do not block any phrases in yourself or in your partner: "We will all die"; “We need to buy toilet paper, buckwheat and more pasta!”; “It's scary what will happen to work next”; “Scary for elderly relatives”; “I'm tired of home”; "What if I get infected?" If you answer your partner's words that this is all bullshit, it will pass, don't pay attention, it's okay - they are read by your partner not as support, but as devaluation, misunderstanding, detachment. Therefore, give yourself and him the right to any emotions, experiences, thoughts that come. Practice acceptance.

3. Do not forget about yourself the one that you like

Earrings at Sunday dinner, fancy dresses, manicures, sports, even at home. To have this acceptance, strength, resources and energy for life. What fills you, gives you strength? Maybe some good music in the morning? A bubble bath with essential oils? More self-care? Chatting with your friends, even on Skype? Actions, situations, places, objects, states. Assignment for you: think and make a list of what you like, what inspires, gives energy.

4. Let your husband have a different opinion from yours

You may not agree with something. Or he. And that's okay. Do not argue and do not swear, such a quarrel may be the last. If he disagrees with something, it does not mean that he does not love you. This means that he does not agree with something specific.

5. Criticize through "I-message"

If somewhere the opinion of your husband is absolutely unacceptable, hurts you, tell about it, but in such a way as to be heard. Say what you feel. He is not a fool / idiot, but you are upset / angry / disappointed. And a suggestion for the future what can be done. For example, dear, I was upset that you did this, so next time you will do this.

6. Look into the hallway of good

Pay attention to what you do well, such as cooking for the family. Perhaps there is something in your husband that admires you (for something, did you choose him as your husband?). Look at the good that you get, notice it in yourself, in him, in the events of the day, in the weather, in the current situation in quarantine, in life, and emphasize, indicate, highlight every time.

7. Allow yourself to just live

Do not eat yourself that was stuck on social networks for 3 hours or the husband played games on the computer. Just live. And in general, he does nothing, watches YouTube for hours. Allow yourself and him such moments. Let your expectations about your husband or yourself not be justified. You can devote the saved hours in traffic jams to self-development / work / husband / yourself, and everything goes into sticking, or a feeling of guilt for not done? It's okay now. It is important to simply live without guilt.

And remember, quarantine will end someday. There are some things that are hard to go through, but they learn to live with them. This, for example, is the death of loved ones. We will not live like this for the rest of our days, quarantine is a temporary measure. Though every day may seem like an eternity Within the framework of a lifetime, this is not long, according to the experience of other countries, on average 2-3 months. Set yourself up for this time.

Finally, I would like to recommend a book for building warm, trusting relationships, "Hold Me Tight," by Sue Johnson. This is scientific data, but adapted for the common reader, with his problems and questions. Of course, you can always seek help from a psychologist if the prospect of divorce looms in front of you.

And remember why you chose your husband