Are Scandals Bad For Relationships? - Relations

It happens that you say or write a word or a question, and the answer is this! And from the surprise you give out something rash. And it rushed. Getting into the cycle of conflict, it is not always possible to quickly navigate and stop it. All went to the corners offended and, what is more sad, insulted and misunderstood. “I didn’t mean it…” or “You misunderstood me…” But you cannot return time back, as it is, as it is. We have to do something with what happened. How harmful are scandals for relationships?

A thin world is better than a good quarrel

I cannot agree with this proverb. I think many people know examples of couples who never swore, were calm, vanilla, sugary. After a few years, they also silently dispersed and no one understood what had happened. They were an example for everyone, they never quarreled. Didn't you quarrel or were silent and hushed up? Each case is different. Do you say nothing because you are offended and scroll through all the dialogues in your head? Or do you really have nothing to say and figure out?

It does not happen that partners do not have claims to each other. At the stage of the candy-bouquet period, merging - yes, it is possible. But then, when you go through the rose-colored glasses stage, you begin to look at your partner with wide eyes with a large magnifying glass. And then the most important thing begins: either you dare and ask questions, clarify, talk about what does not suit you, or you are conducting these dialogues in your head, but you are afraid to tell your partner.

The fear of being rejected is above your discomfort. And you would rather give up your comfort and desires than somehow undermine the structure of your relationship. I want to upset you, every silence is a nail in the lid of your love's coffin. Asking questions, clarifying, you get to know yourself and your partner in the context of each other. If you are different and incompatible, it is best if you learn about it early on in your relationship.

Swear, but leave your word to the world

It is difficult to control yourself during an emotional uplift. Here, no matter what advice you give, you are unlikely to remember them and begin to apply. The important thing is that in times of conflict and when you are hurt, you defend yourself. At this moment, everyone acts as best they can.

As a rule, you take out from your bosom what you have accumulated. And love, resentment, anger, trust, warmth can accumulate. That's what is, so you answer in response. And it is important to know and remember about this, and not to engage in collecting bad things.

In order not to collect, you need to talk about what you like or dislike in the moment. Say no. It is important to talk about your feelings, about different ones. That you are sad, fun, good, funny, painful, unbearable. Then your partner will better understand you and what is happening to you. Even psychologists ask questions about how you are feeling and what is happening to you. Based on your stories, and not on their fantasies, they draw conclusions and help clients.

What do you expect from your loved ones? That they themselves would guess everything? No, they won't guess, tell them.

Three rules to use during an argument:

• Do not insult each other, do not say hurtful words.
• Don't blame your partner, talk about yourself and your feelings. Use "I-Messages".
• Don't get scandals before bed. Otherwise you will get a sleepless night.

If scandals do happen and you disperse offended, try not to come back and not finish what came to mind. Take a piece of paper and start writing whatever you think about it. That you are angry, you are offended, how you feel. What do you think of your partner.

If you give yourself time to write all of this, you may be thinking that a previous partner or your parents or bosses did the same to you. And this is not surprising. Describe all your feelings for them. Free yourself from this pain. Perhaps you will see that you are like someone and do the same. Accept it in yourself.

Allow yourself to be imperfect and hurt others. Allow yourself to be like one of your parents, or someone you thought was terrible and unfair. After such permission, as a rule, you relax, you no longer need to control yourself. And you find a new solution how to act in this situation.

Quarrels and scandals are good because they help us learn something new about ourselves and about our loved ones. Learn about the point at which we are different. If you recognize this difference, you can become even closer to each other, being yourself