Freedom Of Choice. Should You Be Completely Honest In Your Relationship? - Relations

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 20:18

The paradox is that, striving for honesty in any relationship, we sometimes more and more often justify our own lies. We justify it with the desire to protect, not disturb, spare. And now we are 100 percent sure that an easy, innocent deception is absolutely normal. The question "whether to be absolutely honest in a relationship" does not arise. But in the meantime, experience (not only our own) shows that successful relationships can only be built on honesty and openness. A lie still needs to be perceived as a deliberate mistake, admit it to oneself and draw certain conclusions.

Honesty is more than not lying. It is to speak the truth, live the truth and love the truth.

James E. Faust

How do we cheat?

We are so used to not paying attention to systematic understatements that it is sincerely perceived as pure truth. To this should be added numerous tips and exemplary examples from the information field around us, which, in any case, we work out and determine actions. As a result, despite the rules and "good behavior", something goes wrong in the relationship. Why?

1. We do not quarrel

This is the most popular cliche of perfect relationships. An exemplary couple in this reality seems to consist of a set of "not": do not shout, do not be offended, do not get angry. This behavior is a lie. The truth is that the conflict cannot be hushed up. The voiced problem is a big step towards a more harmonious relationship.

2. We play a role

At the beginning of a relationship, each of us tries to be better, more perfect and more perfect. The most important thing seems to be to predict the desire of a partner, to please and not disappoint. This is a normal period for the development of relations, and of course it is passing. But it so happens that one of the pair continues to play further. This is not necessarily about self-sacrifice, it can also be a game of "deity" that everyone should worship. This is primarily about self-deception. And the one who is accustomed to lying to himself will easily deceive his neighbor. Be yourself - aren't you really worthy of love and respect?

3. We hide the past

This is a story about throwing between two poles: "I'll tell you everything, starting from childhood!" and "There is no need for him (her) to know about it, it was before." Both options don't work. Starting a new life from scratch is, of course, great and interesting. Only sincere conversations and your stories about important things will help in developing relationships.

4. We try to get attention with lies

It can be a small lie (for example, about your nonexistent career takeoff once) and a whole fictional series in which you begin to live. The question is that you simply do not have enough attention, and you cannot ask for it. Because, perhaps, you are afraid of rejection and are not sure about this relationship. This should be dealt with first of all, instead of artificially creating interest in yourself.

What do we want?

We expect mutual trust and respect from relationships. To trust completely means to be sure that you will not be deceived and supported in a difficult situation. To trust is to know that you will not be betrayed or judged. Being honest in a relationship is a conscious freedom and new discoveries with it.

We are becoming more vulnerable

Opening fully, we shed our armor and spread our wings. Yes, we become vulnerable, but at the same time, we are truly free.

We are learning responsibility

By opening up and trusting, we truly understand how lying can harm a loved one.

We are learning tolerance

We start to forgive. Because we are more acutely aware of our mistakes and their consequences.

We gain confidence

We gladly accept that this relationship is a true partnership and mutual support. When we stop lying about trifles, we achieve that very harmony.

We are free

It's simple: being honest is not only "always telling the truth and nothing but the truth." Being honest is being honest with yourself. And, besides the fact that you open up to your partner, you will learn something new about yourself. Trusting your neighbor in any life period is a deep breath.

We gain ease of communication

Not only with your partner, but also with your entire environment. Many of us do not realize how much even the smallest lie weighs and how much it is capable of controlling our further actions.

Reaction to the truth

It is important to understand that the further development of your relationship depends on your reaction to the truth of your partner (and vice versa). If they open up to you, they trust you. Justify the trust, please, if you value your loved one. Reaction, participation and empathy are expected of you.

The most negative thing that can be in such a situation is indifference. Taking your partner's confession for granted will deprive him of his comfort in the moment and the desire to be confidential in the future

All your reactions now are a scenario of how your relationship will develop next. And even if the truth is bitter, you do not need to blame your partner for all mortal sins. Your condemnation at such a delicate moment will give reason to think that it will always be so. This destroys trust.

The first step to an honest and trusting relationship is to realize how honest you are with yourself, with your partner, and with the reality around you. Is this really your life and your desires? Is this exactly your reality, is this exactly what you want? Realize your values and needs, don't lie to yourself first. And then that very inspiring feeling of freedom will come, which only honesty can give.