"Is It Worth Ruining The Life That Is In The Hope For The Best?" - Self-development

As it is sung in the song of Viktor Tsoi, our hearts demand changes. I draw your attention to this - our hearts demand changes and wait - in the hope for the best. And then … "And suddenly we are afraid to change something." This is scary - the essence of what we demand, we wait, but we do not create, we do not make efforts. Change is one of the human desires that evokes the deepest sense of fear

The river flows, but humanity is still there in the hope of the best

The most popular queries to a psychologist are as follows:

• Relations. How to build?
• A family. How to find contact with a partner and children?
• Parents. The issue of separation.
• Loneliness.
• Children. Can't get pregnant.
• Low self-esteem.
• Impossibility or difficulty in making decisions. Seven Fridays a week. And so bad, and so I can not.
• Psychosomatics. Gaining popularity at the speed of light.
• Who am I? Search for yourself, self-realization, the meaning of life.

These themes are directly related to change. You can't do the same thing all the time and get different results every time. There is nothing new in this, everyone understands. But understanding and living are two different things.

Think back to yourself when you started playing computer games. You played, lost in the 2nd minute. They started again, applied the experience gained and passed until the 5th minute. Then up to 7th, 10th and so on to the next level. You applied knowledge gained through experience. Why do you act differently in life? You repeat the same thing in the hope that it will somehow transform itself.

Life is not a game

Play it. Try to apply the strategy of the game in life. Got experience, apply it on the next repetition and see what happens. Interesting? Yes. But it's scary. You can start over in the game, not in life. Agree. To understand what you are missing and what your life will be like, take a piece of paper and write:

• My salary 10 years ago and now.
• The dollar exchange rate then and now.
• Your relationship with a man, parents, children, friends then and now.
• Your state of health then and now.
• Your relationships with people.
• You then and now.
• How and where do you live.
• Everything that occupies your head.

It is important to take a period of time so that, on the one hand, there is an opportunity to compare, and on the other hand, to estimate how it will be in the same period of time.

If you do not like the way it is now, and you understand that you have not gone far from the state of that time, write down, point by point, everything that you have been doing all these years. How many options have you tried? How many strategies have you changed in the hope of the best?

Are you watching the groundhog process? Listen to yourself and try new things. You have nothing to lose, in ten years you will still be the same and right there, only 10 years older.

I understood everything, but I can not do anything

"And suddenly we are afraid to change something." Fear. It looks and appears in different ways. He fetters and paralyzes someone, leads someone into fantasy, someone into denial, into idealization, someone into alcohol and the virtual world. Dealing with it in detail, you can discover the fear of being left on the sidelines and not picked up by anyone, or to be underestimated, or to understand that there are no irreplaceable people.

Someone meets with an intolerance to uncertainty and uncertainty. Someone is faced with a great responsibility and hope placed in childhood by their parents: "You are special with us." When you have to change something and temporarily lower the level, this parental faith can become an insurmountable Berlin wall.

First aid

Find the problem. Listen to your fears, not drowning them out, but considering them. What is stopping you: objective reasons or fear? Having determined the bias of fear, it is worth dissolving the idea that you are not ideal, and the world is changeable. Everything can be done more slowly, and not drive yourself like a horse in order to keep up with him. Take the changes in dosage and observe yourself, the sensations in the body - it knows exactly what you need now.

And further. If you are now on the verge of change, it does not matter what exactly is stopping you and stopping you. You need support and care, especially from yourself. Do not be afraid to overdo it, take in kilograms. Praise yourself for every action, even if it was wrong. What matters is what you tried and did. The one who is not wrong does nothing. Love yourself, take care of yourself.

Just put two arms around yourself and say to yourself out loud:

“You are my only one. I love you and will always be by your side. I'm an adult and now I can take care of you. You are important to me. I love you and will always be by your side."

If you have tears, allow yourself them. Give yourself time to absorb and be filled with your love. And when you have you, change is not scary.