Why It Is So Much Easier To Become A Victim Of Narcissists, Sociopaths, And Psychopaths Than You Think - Relationships, Self-development

One of the many ways in which society shames those who fall prey to narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths is this: if a person talks about being a victim of these predators many times, he is told that he is probably wrong. Is it possible to meet and become a victim of so many toxic people, completely devoid of empathy and, even worse, conscience? Shouldn't psychopaths and sociopaths be rare?

It is usually assumed that if a person has been a victim so many times in a row, then something is wrong with him. How far from the truth. Here are the most common reasons why you may have been targeted by multiple predators throughout your life:

1. Predators are much more common than you might think. You can be targeted by narcissists in a wide variety of contexts

Dr. Martha Stout estimates the number of sociopaths in the US at 1 in 25. Meeting more than one narcissist or sociopath, given today's culture of relationships, has become not only very likely, but even quite common. Indeed, narcissism and lack of empathy are becoming more prevalent, especially among the younger generation (Twenge and Campbell, 2009; Konrath, O'Brien, & Hsing, 2010).

There are a lot of narcissists, they can meet in your family, among friends, work colleagues, on dates and in relationships. If you remember this, it becomes clear that many of us will meet "predators" and become their prey more often than a couple of times in our life.

These people are great professionals in their field, they skillfully achieve that you are imbued with sincere feelings for their deceitful mask, and only after that they reveal their true face. Even Dr. Robert Hare, an expert on psychopathy, said they still manage to get it done.

Their covert manipulations and insidious tactics can be successful even with sophisticated victims and experts, since empathic people usually simply cannot believe that there are people without empathy who act with deliberate malice and deceit.

This is why narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths manage to lead double lives for many years, and no one realizes the truth about them until it is too late.

2. People repeatedly become victims of narcissists and objects of manipulation, not only because of their vulnerability, but also because of their valuable qualities

Predators are constantly on the lookout for empathic, cheerful people - those who can recover from their mistreatment. Narcissists are more likely to look for “shiny” objects - attractive, successful, and good-looking - because it helps them build a positive image.

If you fall into this category, you can very likely become a victim of them. As Dr. George Simon notes, “Predator prey tend to be conscientious and avoid conflict. Their kindness becomes fertile ground for exploitation. Moreover, manipulators play on your sensitivity, and often appeal to your conscience."

If you are in the habit of projecting your empathy onto those around you and using your ability to recuperate to cope with toxic relationships, it’s time to see narcissists for who they are; and the ability to recover is best reserved for the healing path that lies ahead.

3. Cycle of repetition of trauma

If you were raised by a narcissistic parent, you are especially likely to be the prey of a predator in adulthood, because you are raised so that you are ready to accept the unacceptable. This is not your fault, it is simply the fact that you have been undeservedly injured.

The phenomenon of continual exposure to traumatic situations, much like our previous experience, has been called traumatic reproduction or the trauma repetition cycle (Levy, 1998). This means that you have probably been subconsciously programmed to be mistreated and prepared to do so. Not only is your unique vulnerability and trauma-specific strength attracted to abusers, but you can also be attracted to them without you knowing because you perceive them as familiar and “normal”.

Your mind and body are biochemically accustomed to the chaos and madness that you experienced as a child, making you vulnerable as an adult to a relationship of "traumatic connectedness" with manipulators. Traumatic bonding is often created through alternating mistreatment and good treatment, inequities in power and the presence of danger (Carnes, 1997).

If you jump from one relationship to another without paying attention to your childhood wound, you may encounter several narcissists in a short period of time and reinforce the type of traumatic bond that formed with the early jailers, be they toxic parents or aggressive classmates. … Even if you do an incredible inner work of healing, you may still encounter predators and fall prey to them again - however, you will no longer have the same tendency to form traumatic connections with them as you used to.

This is why working with your boundaries is critical to your recovery, even though it doesn’t guarantee you that you will no longer be dealing with toxic people.

4. Modern culture of romantic relationships opens access to more people than ever before, including "predators"

Dating apps are full of "predators" using them as a hunting ground. If you live in a large metropolitan city or in a more isolated area where such dating apps are used, unfortunately, there is also a good chance that you will encounter numerous predators. Dating apps give them access to multiple sources of satisfying their narcissism (praise, admiration, resources, sex, and anything else they can use to their advantage). This means that they can terrorize many victims at the same time period. No one can be blamed for encountering one or two manipulators on your romantic quest.

Some manipulators are easier to recognize than others. The more secretive they are, the more difficult it is to determine their true nature. Research suggests that women who have had online dating experience have faced sheer lies, financial fraud, and unwanted sexual assault. Other works show that sexually risky behavior is constantly increasing, more and more predators are looking for prey on the network (Choi et al., 2016; Vandeweerd, Myers, Coulter, Yalcin, & Corvin, 2016; Machimbarrena et al., 2018) …

If you communicate on dating sites, you need to be extremely careful. Such individuals tend to create a false image, and in the online space this is especially easy. Look for signs such as an urge to speed up the relationship, especially in terms of physical and emotional closeness, excessive flattery aimed at disarming you, demands that sound like the proponent has every right to them, and constant contact.

Never jump straight into a serious relationship with someone you barely know, pay attention to any warning signs you see along the way

Big picture

Anyone who has repeatedly met narcissists or psychopaths in their life deserves a reverent and respectful attitude for their willpower and inner resource, but not to be ashamed, and so the victim.

If in your place were someone from those who are trying to shame you, he would not stand even a tenth of the unwarranted cruelty and horror that you endured, perhaps over the years. You have the ability to get out of the cycle of abuse without self-blame and internalizing the shameful tactics of others.

You have the same value and deserve a healthy relationship and friendship as any other person. Are you okay. In fact, you have become the target of abuse precisely because you are doing too well. Your very same virtues - empathy, regeneration, compassion - will serve you well in a healthy relationship that has a sense of boundaries. Remember that you are not alone in your experience, even if you sometimes think so. Healing is more than possible, as is the prosperity that awaits you in your bright future.

Literature

• Carnes, P., & Phillips, BD (2019). The betrayal bond: Breaking free of exploitive relationships. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications.
• Choi, EP, Wong, JY, Lo, HH, Wong, W., Chio, JH, & Fong, DY (2016). The Impacts of Using Smartphone Dating Applications on Sexual Risk Behaviours in College Students in Hong Kong. Plos One, 11 (11). doi: 10.1371 / journal.pone.0165394
• Konrath, SH, O'brien, EH, & Hsing, C. (2010). Changes in Dispositional Empathy in American College Students Over Time: A Meta-Analysis. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 15 (2), 180-198. doi: 10.1177 / 1088868310377395
• Levy MS (1998). A helpful way to conceptualize and understand reenactments. The Journal of psychotherapy practice and research, 7 (3), 227-235.
• Machimbarrena, JM, Calvete, E., Fernández-González, L., Álvarez-Bardón, A., Álvarez-Fernández, L., & González-Cabrera, J. (2018). Internet Risks: An Overview of Victimization in Cyberbullying, Cyber Dating Abuse, Sexting, Online Grooming and Problematic Internet Use. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 15 (11), 2471. doi: 10.3390 / ijerph15112471
• Simon, G. (2018, August 25). The Keys to Self-Empowerment. Retrieved December 29, 2019, from
• Stout, M. (2012). The sociopath next door: The ruthless versus the rest of us. New York, NY: MJF Books.
• Twenge, JM, & Campbell, WK (2009). The narcissism epidemic: Living in the age of entitlement. New York: Atria Paperback.
• Vandeweerd, C., Myers, J., Coulter, M., Yalcin, A., & Corvin, J. (2016). Positives and negatives of online dating according to women 50+. Journal of Women & Aging, 28 (3), 259-270. doi: 10.1080 / 08952841.2015.1137435

• Author: Shahida Arabi
• Translated by Kiril Melamud