Insidious Networks. Top 5 Major Internet Dating Problems - Relations

If you only knew how many people spend time on the Internet on the eve of the holidays! They travel through its pages in search of love or relationships. Communication on the Web, of course, does exist. But is there a relationship there?

You met an interesting person, it seems that you have a lot in common. You communicate more and more often, and now you cannot live a day without a "communication session". In his image, you find more and more features that are close to you. And now you already feel that you have fallen in love, that this is your “half”.

But real relationships involve the ability to communicate primarily in person, as well as on the phone and on the Internet. And if people live many kilometers from each other, then communication, as a rule, occurs only through one channel. An interesting phenomenon arises: a person seems to communicate with himself. In other words, he ascribes to the pleasant interlocutor his features or the features of the established image of an “ideal partner”. And here it is already close to falling in love. In fact, this similarity may not exist at all. Sometimes people who considered themselves "soul mates" are disappointed when they meet each other in real life and do not want to maintain a relationship. So, here are the top five main internet dating problems.

1. ADVERTISING YOUR IMAGE

Nobody will see us if we don't want to, right? Therefore, a person aimed at acquaintance and conquest of a partner is likely to embark on the most harmless of the tricks - to embellish his own image. So, the courier can be called a manager. He can add (subtract) himself a few years of passport life and introduce himself as a blonde with big breasts. Or brag about which celebrity he personally knows. In general, to tell about yourself the way he wants to be, but is not.

To one degree or another, both communication partners embellish themselves, trying to present themselves in a favorable light. Of course, people even in real communication allow themselves to imagine reality in a more attractive form than it really is. But still, when you are hidden behind the nickname Anakonda and an avatar with a half-naked nymph, few will suspect that a modest librarian with a bundle on her head is sitting on the other side of the screen.

Difficulties begin when you are planning a meeting "in real life". That's where the excitement on both sides! This is where the frustrations come when a "wealthy businessman" takes you to McDonald's, and you turn out to be not a "hot brunette advertising appearance" at all. It is especially offensive if you have already managed to fall in love and fantasize for yourself your whirlwind romance. However, if you exaggerated in moderation, then the continuation of the relationship is quite possible if you like each other in live communication.

2. MIMIKRIA UNDER COMMUNICATION PARTNER

This is very similar to embellishment, but already "targeted". For example, you mention in your message that you love cats. And after a while your interlocutor mentions that he also loves cats, and tells a tearful story about some animal from childhood. Let's say a man said that he was crazy about the museum of mineralogy, and the girl, it turns out, is interested in stones. What conclusion will he make? Probably like this: we are close in spirit, since we like the same thing. When enough of these episodes accumulate, you are almost sure that this person is the one you need. You do not know that in fact your Internet friend kicks the yard cat that climbed onto his car every time. Or the fact that all interest in the stones of a friend from the Internet is limited to jewelry.

Mimicry for the proposed image is already somewhat more serious than embellishment. In the latter case, a person still proceeds from himself, from his personality. And by mimicking, he rejects himself and pretends to be like someone else. Sometimes this does not happen fully consciously, a person is in too much of a hurry to indicate a similarity with another. And sometimes - quite deliberately, if a person pursues his own goals, involving the creation of strong emotional attachment.

To understand if you are being deceived, you need to be able to actually communicate with him. And not for a few days, when one of you comes to visit another, but every day. This is the only way you can really get to know each other.

3. TESTING A NEW LOOK AND COMMUNICATION MANNERS

Let's imagine a notorious pimply youth. He is shy when dealing with girls, and in real life it is difficult for him to find a girlfriend. And so he decides to change, become more relaxed! And where is the safest training ground? Of course, the virtual world! Indeed, in real life, you can get, and again - acne. Therefore, we are hiding behind a daring nickname and a warlike avatar picture, and - forward, to the conquest of Internet beauties.

What does this mean for the "opposite side"? The fact that, perhaps, they see in you not a person, but only a simulator for obtaining certain reactions. The communication partner may have a specific goal: for example, to make you fall in love. For this, he will use a variety of techniques gleaned from the manuals. If he acts smartly, everything can work out.

The weak point of such experimenters is that they are ready for anything only in virtual reality. As soon as it comes to real communication, they disappear somewhere, they have urgent business or they plan to emigrate to the South Pole. Do not rush to fall in love if you have never seen a person before. Perhaps he is not at all who he claims to be.

4. WITHDRAWAL OF IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT YOURSELF

The rating of what is most often "forgotten" to say includes: information about marriage and children; about alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction; difficulties with money, work and housing; about health problems. This is not a lie yet, but only a lack of agreement. The person knows that this is important, but … "they didn't ask, I didn't say." All this is significant information for someone who really wants to start a family.

5. BLOOD LIES

"No, I am not married and I have no children"; “I am leading a completely healthy lifestyle”; "I am ready to divorce so that we can be together"; "I love you very much and I want us to have a family." Perhaps, the issues of marriage and children are the most frequent reason for scamming on the Internet. While you are "free", you are interesting to many. But if you say directly that you are married and are looking for a mistress, this is a completely different "communication format". First, the wife can catch. Secondly, women of "easy" behavior offer themselves to be mistresses for financial reward. But you want to be truly loved, to wait and catch every word. Girls, and young men, find it difficult to believe that compliments and declarations of love can only be calculated and a desire to use you for their own purposes. While you are only Internet interlocutors, it is difficult to discern the soul. So,easier to use with minimal stress on your own conscience.

Psychology books say the easiest way to lie is on the phone. The information is out of date. The easiest way to lie is on the Internet. Up to the point that "one-who-on-the-side" instead of a sultry macho may turn out to be a bored old woman. It is impossible to recognize a person using only this channel. Sometimes you yourself are ready to embellish the Internet interlocutor. Sometimes they lie to you.

This does not mean that it is impossible to meet a good, honest and open person on the Internet. There are many people who are ready to embellish themselves only a little, but do not stoop to outright lies. But to test this, translate your communication into "real" format. And may the New Year work wonders! Miracles of love, of course.

Julia, 31 years old

MEETING ON NEW YEAR

On December 31, I did not work, I was surfing the Internet on a dating site. I had options for where and with whom to celebrate the New Year, but I did not want any of the possible. One guy's profile said: "I invite you to visit me, but you still won't come." I liked him in the photo, I immediately agreed on what time and where to come. Stepan gathered a diverse company: his friends and colleagues. On the evening of the 31st, I went, I told my friend just in case Stepa's address - you can't tell your mother that. While I was on the subway, I saw - everyone was meeting, kissing, going somewhere with gifts. I also thought to myself: "Fool, everyone is celebrating the New Year with close people, and I flooded somewhere." And it became so sad. Stepan met me, terribly pleased with the fact that I really arrived, and with me in the original, and not just in the photo. And then how it started. I came first, we began to cook, set the table. I liked that he also listens to my favorite radio, and then they found more and more in common. In general, I got drunk to unconsciousness this New Year, but for some reason he liked it. We met after the holiday, then again, and then he offered to move in with him. And I still sometimes, when I go up the stairs home, I remember the first time I went with him on December 31 to celebrate the New Year. After it turned out that one of his friends was the moderator of the site where we met, and a girl from Murmansk, with whom we once lived in the same entrance as a child, worked with Stepan. That's how small the world is. I drank myself into unconsciousness this New Year, but for some reason he liked it. We met after the holiday, then again, and then he offered to move in with him. And I still sometimes, when I climb the stairs home, remember how the first time I went with him on December 31 to celebrate the New Year. After it turned out that one of his friends was the moderator of the site where we met, and a girl from Murmansk, with whom we once lived in the same entrance as a child, worked with Stepan. That's how small the world is. I drank myself into unconsciousness this New Year, but for some reason he liked it. We met after the holiday, then again, and then he offered to move in with him. And I still sometimes, when I go up the stairs home, I remember the first time I went with him on December 31 to celebrate the New Year. After it turned out that one of his friends was the moderator of the site where we met, and a girl from Murmansk, with whom we once lived in the same entrance as a child, worked with Stepan. That's how small the world is.that one of his friends was the moderator of the site where we met, and a girl from Murmansk with whom we once lived in the same entrance as a child worked with Stepan. That's how small the world is.that one of his friends was the moderator of the site where we met, and a girl from Murmansk with whom we once lived in the same entrance as a child worked with Stepan. That's how small the world is.

Lera, 17 years old

HOOK A VIRGIN

I met a 32-year-old man on the Internet. He is married, he has two children, he lives a thousand kilometers from the Moscow Ring Road. Two months later he arrived, we walked by the hand, he listlessly offered me "a hand and a heart." I didn't take him seriously. He left, but peppered me with declarations of love. A few months later I came for the second time, invited me to my hotel room. But I still had no one, and I refused him, but he did not insist, he simply said dryly that everything was over. So many days have passed, but I cannot forget all of him. Didn't you miss your only one in life?

Oksana, 30 years old

DECEPTIONAL CLASSMATE

On a social network, I met with my classmate, he introduced himself to a serviceman from Chechnya. Petya began to bombard me with messages, said that he was not married (and how to get married with such a profession?). Sometimes he disappeared, but he explained this by business trips to the mountains. He visited me several times for several days. But on New Year's Eve he disappeared, I sent him an SMS. His wife answered: "Leave him alone, he is at home, playing with the child." It turned out that he is a truck driver and has two children.

WISH TO KNOW

If you are looking for a love partner decided to write a private ad, then let the guy write the text of this ad. As Richard Wiseman assures, women have very little idea of what really attracts men. In a series of experiments with dating ads, men in 90% of cases gave an accurate forecast of which ads women would find worthy of attention.

Richard Wiseman. The strange logic of our actions. M., 2011.