Femina Day. Make Yourself Love - Relations

March 8 is a holiday for women and a difficult test for the strong half of humanity

For beautiful ladies

Why do men buy up wagons of flowers, perfumes, sweets, and some especially generous empty the windows of jewelry stores? What motivates husbands to heroically master the art of cooking? Why are they willing to work all day as maids, waiters and baristas all rolled into one? Such a feat can only be explained by the fact that a man wants to see a real queen next to him, a living embodiment of his dream. Only a chivalrous attitude can create a beautiful lady out of an ordinary earthly woman.

The magic of attraction

In my opinion, March 8 is a wonderful holiday! If you love women, then this is just another reason to make them a little happier. A man's reaction to "women's day" is very diagnostic. If his life is filled with the energy of love, he will only be happy with the coming of this calendar date. But if "there is no more attraction", then the holiday will not cause delight.

Where does this magnetism come from? Why are our "second halves" so beautiful and desirable for us? I am afraid that no man knows the answer to this question. Freud once said, "Biology is destiny," implying that the answer lies solely in bodily differences. But this is a very primitive and obvious answer. Lacan formulated even more categorically: "The woman as a thing does not exist." He meant that the male imagination "composes" women, that we see and find in them only our own dreams and desires. And what they really are - we do not know and will never know.

In general (sorry for the black humor), any attempt by the male mind to comprehend female attractiveness is reminiscent of the story of Daniil Kharms "Lecture":

"Pushkov said:

- A woman is a love machine.

And then he got it in the face.

- For what? - asked Pushkov.

But, having not received an answer to his question, he continued:

- I think so: a woman should be approached from below. Women love it and only pretend that they don't like it.

Then Pushkov was hit in the face again."

… well, and further in the text in the same spirit. Contemporary gender studies also provide little explanation. Although they reveal many interesting facts. For example, among serial killers, only one in six is a woman. Which kills an average of six people, usually with poison. There are many studies on the following topics: what is the difference or similarity between women's and men's memory, attention, communication style, driving a car, and so on. Hundreds of differences in male and female psyche have been identified! But how does this help us, men, understand why we love them so much? Alas, no way …

Four Trump Ladies

I think that the Beautiful Strangers are still a figment of our imagination. We ourselves compose "enchanted distance", with which we then fall in love. Where do we get such images from? There are different points of view. According to one of them (Jungian psychology), we take ideas from our own unconscious. There is a special structure - the Anima archetype - which is a kind of concentrate of perfect feminine qualities. Love is in many ways a projection of the Anima onto a real earthly woman.

Jungian psychoanalysts studied this issue for a long time and came to the conclusion that there are not so many varieties of Anima, only four. The first is the progenitor Eve, who is physically attractive and fertile. The second is a romantic and sophisticated Beautiful Lady, worthy of love and worship, for example Elena from "Faust". The third one personifies maternal kindness, care, all-acceptance and forgiveness (for example, the Virgin Mary). The fourth is already something beyond, the great and wise integrity of life (Sophia).

It is clear that in the modern life of Eve or Elena from "Faust" we rarely meet. We project the Anima onto those female images that are closest to our culture and environment. For a believer, an Anima with maternal qualities is quite compatible with the image of the Virgin Mary or, say, Princess Olga, Mother Teresa, etc. For a person brought up on fairy tales, the mother's Anima will be embodied in the image of a sorceress or fairy who works good miracles.

In culture, there are many tips that make it easier for us, men, to understand the "ideal" woman for us. For example, a movie star may well suit us as a Beautiful Lady. And in real life we find someone as similar to her as possible.

One friend of mine (not a psychologist), hearing the story about the Anima, was extremely upset: “This is some kind of fatalism! Some unconscious decides everything for me, and I seem to be out of business here! " We men love to plan, control and manage everything. It is difficult for us to accept this idea that love is in no way amenable to our will and our mind.

But there is good news too. The so-called Pygmalion effect is well known in psychology. Its essence is that we build our behavior in accordance with our expectations. And there is a fairly high probability that reality will reciprocate us. This means that if we treat an ordinary earthly woman as a Beautiful Lady, then she will be such for us. Or, as Bulat Okudzhava correctly noted:

We are earthly earthly. And at all

Fuck the tales of the gods!

We just carry on the wings

What is worn on the hands.

Therefore, dear men, let me tell you a terrible secret! The answer to female attractiveness is in our attitude. We compose love for ourselves, and it largely depends on us whether it will become a reality. Therefore, do not expect miracles - create them yourself! Create them every day, and all sorts of external reasons (like the calendar date March 8) will only help you with this