Woman With The Word "Busy!" - Relations

Free women have a special look, gait and head turn. Men react to it. But what if the desired relationship is still not and is not? Perhaps you are marked with a "Busy!"

BUSY, BUT WITHOUT A MAN

For two years now, parting with a loved one happened, on his initiative. Before that, we lived together for four years, everyone told us that we were a perfect couple! And suddenly, quite unexpectedly, he told me that he didn’t want to be with me anymore, that I was very good, but he didn’t deserve me. Then it turned out that he had another girlfriend. They got married six months later. All these two years, I remember him every day. During this time, I tried several times to start dating men, but each time I realized that all this was not what I needed. This began to worry me, because time is passing, and I want a family and children. There are men around me, but they are friendly to me. I catch myself thinking that a miracle will happen and he will return to me.

Nadia, 30 years old

Men also find themselves in such a situation, and everything happens in a similar way, but today we are not talking about them. Such stories begin with great love, a relationship that lasted several years (although, however, several months are sometimes enough). Further - a painful parting, after which a sluggish search for a new man begins. But … either he is married, or he doesn’t fit in terms of status, height, weight, age, habits. A woman talks about how she wants love and a man's shoulder next to her, but still there is no such shoulder! What's the matter?

The fact is that over the past time after parting the inscription “Busy!” Will not be erased. This inscription is read by potential partners. Light pressure, the door did not budge, it was really "occupied", and we go to look for another door, a table, a place. Where does a woman get such an inscription? Of course, this is an internal "projector", her sense of self: "I have a man."

In the event of a traumatic breakup, some women (and men too) are left behind. They live in the past, remembering them daily, yearning for what happened. They idealize their partner despite the pain they have caused. They have not been able to put a "point" in the relationship and continue to hope that this relationship will someday return. A powerful internal attitude is being formed: "my relationship is not over, I am just waiting for it to resume." Often this attitude is unconscious, but it is possible to understand that it exists by intrusive memories, by idealizing a partner, as well as fantasies about his return. Perhaps this is the norm for the first half of the year from the moment of separation, but then you need to erase the inscription "Busy!" and write a new one: "Ready for a relationship!" Living with illusions, the past, means missing the important in the present.

MY MAGNET

Now I have a serious relationship with a man who is dear to me and who really needs me. Maybe it's love, affection, but it's definitely a magnet that attracts us to each other. This has been going on for several years. He is married and has a wonderful family. I realize that for the sake of our feelings he will never change his family way of life for various reasons, so clear and accepted by me first of all. I believe that, perhaps, the situation will change when another, free man appears in my life, capable of "pushing" me away from my "magnet". But for some reason men are afraid of me (and they talk about it themselves). And what should I do: love and be loved by a stranger, or …

Elena, 33 years old

The situation is quite recognizable and typical. Love triangle "husband - wife - lover". A very loyal mistress, who does not pretend to own a man completely, but nevertheless considers him hers. He understands that he will not leave the family, that the relationship has entered a stage at which a mistress is not made a new wife, but, despite this, he holds on to this relationship. Modifications of the situation are also possible, as, for example, in the case of communication with an “inveterate bachelor”. Such a relationship can last for many years, a man can talk about other women, go on vacation with them, do not call for months, and then "show up." In this case, the man has another wife - his Freedom, with whom he does not want to interrupt.

Let's go back to our story. Elena has a "magnet", on her charming forehead it is also written: "I'm busy." This is read in all movements, in head turns, arm movements, gait, which are completely different for "busy" women than for "free" ones. And a man looking for a relationship concludes: "No chance." How can the relationship develop further? The first option is as follows: Elena will meet a man who desires her so much that he will not care about her "busyness", and in this case our heroine will have an interesting period in her life when she will be literally torn between her lover and a new boyfriend. Whom she will choose is an open question. The second option: Elena herself will part with her lover - whether on her own initiative, on his, or because the relationship will cease to "magnet". In this case, perhapsthe most important thing is to realize the futility of the relationship and desire the best for yourself. After parting, the “inscription” will gradually fade and then disappear altogether. After a while, a woman will be able to start a new relationship from scratch. And now you need to stop calling your lover a "magnet".

LIKE A MAN

I have a man, he is 40, and he is married. We met by chance, saw each other once, and for half a year our communication has only been telephone. He sends SMS where he is now (now in Ufa, now in Moscow, then somewhere else), when he can call, he is a pilot. I tell him about my problems, he supports and cares. I do not ask about my wife, only every time he goes to his city, he rarely has a desire to call home. I live in another city, I also want to see him, but I don’t want to go to Moscow just for the sake of meeting. Everyone says: why do you need this, there was no physical intimacy, what do you count on, you have no future. And I don’t want to stop communicating with him, I’ve got used to it very much. At the same time, he writes to me that he is jealous of me, that I am a soul mate, that I am his girlfriend. I say it's stupid to say thatafter all, we are at such a great distance from each other, although I myself want it to be so. How to treat him, or maybe it's just a game?

Irina, 23 years old

Another fairly common situation. The telephone option is no longer the most popular, but the Internet is full of such illusory "relationships". Of course, the story is beautiful and romantic: we saw each other once, the man is much older, writes SMS, and even a pilot! "Ah, pilot, and I was so glad to love the hero from the flight squad …" Such a relationship is dangerous because Irina, being virtually free, feels "busy". She, like the rest of our heroines, has an inscription-signal for the rest of the men - "Busy!"

The danger of this situation is that the image of "one's" man is romanticized to the limit and woven from illusions. When communicating via text messages or on the Internet, people are conjecturing too much, adding lavish touches to the desired features. Because of this, women miss out on the opportunity to build a real relationship with a real, and not with a "virtual" partner. Irina could think: why does he need all this? It seems like he is in love, but the connection is quite "safe": he did not cheat on his wife with Irina, the distance between them is such that there is no possibility for this. Perhaps in this way he spurs on his feelings and struggles with the routine of family life.

But what leads Irina when she maintains this relationship? She is probably quite shy and, for some reason, afraid of real relationships. But she doesn't want to be alone either. And here “the wolves are full and the sheep are safe”: you can tell your friends that you love the pilot, but you cannot be with him yet. In this case, you need to deal with internal complexes that interfere with real relationships, and not remain in a world of illusions.

REMOVE PLATE

All women with the words "Busy!" is distinguished by an impulse coming from within: "Don't come near, I'm not looking for a relationship." And if for women who are in happy partnerships, such an impulse is understandable, logical and aimed at protecting the connection from the intrusion of outsiders, then for actually free women it is a significant hindrance. Often on the surface, a woman declares her readiness for a full-fledged relationship, but unconscious impulses direct her behavior in a different direction. A woman in this situation can be too picky about men, pushing them away herself.

Busy! you need to shoot yourself. You should not wait for a persistent man, because such a man may not appear. This is a challenging job that requires introspection and the ability to look at yourself and the situation critically. Perhaps the most important thing is the awareness of the presence of this very sign "Busy!" After that, independent work is possible, in the process of which it gradually becomes possible to look differently (often more critically and realistically) at those existing, but partly illusory relationships that do not give an opportunity to start a new path. The help of a psychologist or psychotherapist is often needed. But it is worth it, because, having removed the "plate", you will acquire the opportunity to open up towards new love.